::haiz...SPH schools relays has been over for..3days.. Its effects still have not gone away.. how i wish it would.
My juniors always ask me, in one way or another, what is making me stay in track? Everytime they ask me, I find myself giving a different answer.. because I really am not sure what is making me stay. Maybe I was too obedient for the first two years.. Then I was just doing too well in my third year.. Especially after two years of being on the fringes, it was especially satisfying in my third year to shoot up the ranks and improve my timing like it's nobody's business.. Probably nothing else mattered except track..
but then this year is different.. the stress of sec4 year just put everything into a different perspective. The tons of hmwk, projectwork, hrp that just weighs on my fragile mind is threatening to mess everything up. Trying to make sense of my schedule one day, it just hit me that track amongst all things seems to be the least important aspect right now.. Sec4 year is the year you really have to study for. Basically I should not be doing anything other than trying to get the best academic results possible. What of track.. I can fill up two pages of ep3 achievements and all it gives me is 6 meagre LEAPS point..-.- unfair and unjust.. for all the work we athletes put in.. it counts less than one participation in a SYF(6pts)..
Furthermore.. I am suffering a pathetic dip in morale.. -.- a 24s for 200m that lost us a silver.. an average 400m.. a below-par 100m.. coupled with the superb performance of my juniors.. the whole picture just do not seem so rosy anymore. Yicheng had a suggestion.. i overage also, i might as well retire in glory..
.i always felt hardwork can only make up for talent to so far..have i reached that limit already?
han dn think so.. He still thinks I am important to the team.. and I agree I am =p like what i always tell the dispirited ppl that are around me.. every points counts and I won't give up when nationals come around. Whether han still wants me by then is another matter...
We are a match to sports school. This what han has been trying to tell me. On one hand he is stressing my limiting factors such as my attitude(?)..on the other.. he is trying to inspire me to pit against sports school. Normally I accept such challenges with relish and is happy to give it a go.. somehow I cant garner the same enthusiasm I had just a few weeks ago. I have no wish to participate in national juniors right now.. I am not fit to do so anyway.. while the others can sprint across hurdles with minimum preparation.. I cannot.. one week is not enough for me to get ready for nats juniors.. I fear I won't be ready to hurdle even by the time our sports meet arrives.. haiz.. embarrassment looms..
for now.. han n tok is insisting I compete on the opening day of nats juniors. Purpose? to get me accustomed to competing repeatedly.. what for? the fire that was within me has dimmed.. compete repeatedly? will i have the chance to do so again? the once simple choice of whether to join track in JC is now a much difficult decision..
haiz.. i still wish all the best for hci track, my fantastic junior who will be sparkling this track season.. meanwhile.. allow me to retreat back into the shadows... even if just for a lil while..::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:04 PM:.
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