::I am miserable...
...i hate to say it...but track is the cause of it..
=(
Track has been a big part of my life in hci. It is practically half of my after school hours since I was a sec1..(the other half is third language)
Every training has been tough.. most of the times it was enjoyable.. sometimes it wasn't...
I hated it when I was a sec1.. but I was too conserved to voice it out or do anything about it..
The coach changed soon after.. I still disliked track when I was sec2... I had nothing to do in track for I was not good enough to compete.. but I had nothing else to do anyways..
Sec3 I liked track. I was flying in track. The coach was fun and on the ground.. even if he did not awe us with his coaching expertise.. he was extremely likeable and respectable.. I broke pb after pb and shot from practically the bottom of the pile to near the top.. the year still ended in regrets as i did not perform to my full potentials at nationals.. I had my biggest chance to grab medals and I ended up with a bronze medal for my hurdles..
Sec4 came and another coach came.. the head coach of our closest rivals arrived and impressed me in particular with his drive and expertise about athletics.. whatever he said made sense, whatever he told me to train, made sense.. but I had other priorities.. I was trying hard to balance everything.. Then a mosquito shot me down.. I was sick and out for practically a month.. and I was told I needed months to recover my running form..
I lost to my junior...I lost to my junior's junior... I missed a big competition.. when those around me shone during the competition.. I lay in bed..sick and out..
Touchingly, trackers stood by me throughout.. they are a great bunch of people.. and they were the ones that walked with me when I was discharged from the hospital.. I almost decided to just sacrifice myself for track.. just to pay back their kindness..
I cant..
Recently SLC started.. After missing out last year, I was determined to join this year and enjoy it.. The first day of SLC, coach and overall captain pulled me out of the SLC and pushed me into training with them.. now I think of it, I hated that training.. while SLC-ers were playing on the field nearby.. I had to train.. their laughters were like knives embedded into my heart.. I was vexed and disconsolete... for some reason..
To make a long story short.. Track used to make me feel complete.. now it is preventing me from feeling complete.. Track used to make me happy.. now it makes me sad.. Track had meaning.. now it lost it..
and I am losing it..
I understand I am being selfish and not doing what I preached..
I used to tell those past disillusioned trackers what I thought they needed to know to come back to their senses..
now I looked at what I said before.. and i realized they do not help..
I do not want to train.. at least, not until SLC is over..
Just to illustrate how strongly or how demoralized I feel, even if han tell me I am out of Nationals.. I am out of track.. I'll hardly blink an eyelid..
I will slowly walk away.. I may cry.. but I won't look back..
I told han I did not want to train.. when he caught me walking home after SLC..
we argued.. he told me all he can say is that I am too irresponsible..
I never doubted his words before.. no doubt this time he must be right too..
But all i can say is..
I am sorry, coach.. So be it..::

.:firestarter blogged on 6:23 PM:.
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::“Do what you like, or do not do it at all.”
When you are doing a project that you have passion doing, you not only revel in doing the project, the enthusiasm and motivation you get in completing the project spills over to other areas of your life and make you more productive and happy as a whole.
This I discovered on 27th May 2006, the day I attended a YMCA workshop on project management and fund-raising. The day started with an exhausting, and stressful sprints training geared towards preparing for the upcoming national schools competition, in which we are fighting against incredible odds to retain our title. After training, my friends and I went to have lunch at a shopping center just a few blocks away from school. I headed to Singapore Polytechnic straight afterwards and reached there approximately 1hour before the afternoon course’s scheduled starting time of 1.30pm. The convention hall looked reasonably empty and there were no students in sight. Little did I know the workshop was held at YMCA in Orchard. That I found out from my mentor soon after.
A frantic rush against time landed me at YMCA just in time when the course was about to start. Even the small problem of my name being absent from the names of participants who have signed up for the workshop could not prevent me from experiencing my first YMCA workshop after missing out on the first two.
The course started with an animated, middle-aged Chinese lecturer, who desperately tried to liven up the atmosphere with a few dry jokes. The class consisting of fellow project leaders, mentors, and a Citibank representative was not too responsive. In the class, I found a classmate who was also attending this afternoon course. His project was mainly about painting and selling picture storybooks crafted by autistic children. Neither of us was talkative by nature and sat quietly in our seats while scrutinizing the lecturer with our little eyes.
The best part of the lecture apart from the strawberry cake at the refreshments was the talk by the past participant David Tao. Hmm…I seemed to have forgotten his name. Anyways, he was received the award for Most Fund raised in the year 2004 with his project, raising a total of over $20,000. He was dynamic and fluent in his speech and bar the distracting piece of script he occasionally referred to during his speech, he looked good too. Looking good always makes whatever you say more persuasive.
Although I enjoyed the talk very much, that did not inspire me a great deal either. What helped was probably the atmosphere at the sharing of each project’s project financial plans. We were told to draft a financial report according to the format taught at the workshop. Indeed, most obliged and included all their expected expenses and income. My friend and I were too indifferent too comply, although my friend eventually did draft a piece, which he kept in his bag instead of sharing with others.
A whole range of propositions came up. The wishful thinking of some was only bettered by the even more wishful thinking of another group. (One group thought they could raise $68,000 from organizing two carnivals.) Most of the reports were superficial and assumptive, none were really detailed nor specific, which is understandable at this stage of the competition. According to whoever his name, we should only start worrying if we still do not know all the details in three weeks time. You should have seen the shocked expressions on the faces of those award hopefuls sitting at the workshop. Apart from these entertainments, the workshop unfortunately did me little good.
What it did do was send me into a rapid brainstorming process while I was bored of all the talk. Instead of building my own sandcastle in the air, this time my mind started a rapid reorganization of ideas that put previously messy issues regarding the project all into its rightful place. Not only that, the brainstorm sparked new ideas and whilst ships around me run aground, its lighthouse beam has shone through the fog…if you will excuse the tortuous metaphor/pun (I copied it from a soccer news website).
Not only did I find a new name (yet again) for the project, now Beauty In My Life! I have found a coherent message and meaningful objective for the project that will fit well with our current code of action. Now on top of having a fund-raiser in June and a health fair in August, we have found meaning for what we are doing, a sound one at that.
The brainstorming jolted me into action and kept me thinking and jotting down ideas and reorganizing them for the next three hours. It practically lasted me longer than the can of Mocha Nescafe I drank before the workshop. That is the power of doing something you enjoy and finds meaning in. Edmund said energy was definite, and you cannot use more than what you have. I disagree, I say a dose of meaningful work will make energy infinite or at least appear so long enough that you do not feel it is definite.
After I scribbled the last bits of my notes, and entered some useful information into the computer, I managed to eat my dinner (which I have not been doing recently because I repeatedly fall dead asleep right before it is ready), and also accomplish a few pieces of homework. Rather impressive considering the amount of time I already spent on brainstorming for the project.
All in all, what I learned is that when one is doing what one likes, one is likely to enjoy endless energy and motivation in doing it. What it leads to are better ideas, more efficient work rate and a happier worker that feels good about himself and what he is doing. That is what makes a successful team, and a successful project.::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:31 PM:.
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::Finally..after all the stress.....some time to spare...and yet im juz as stressed as to how to best use this time. o.o wAH...
In fact, next term will be more stressed than this. o.o National Schools Track and Field, Projects Day, HRP.. leading up to German O's! *faints...
Each one that was mentioned above can trigger a major stress attack...urgh..
As for this term..I do not think i did toooooo badly. Although my MSG doubled, my HRP barely passed, I had my track season derailed by dengue, I can still say I am fairly happy with what has transpired this term...
Now I have one month..(or much less than that after u deduct all the commitments I already planned...)to get everything back to normal again. Easy Peasy..
=)::

.:firestarter blogged on 4:02 AM:.
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::My course of Peer Helping skills developing is completed. Anybody care for a try? =] juz come to me depressed, lonely, sad, grieveous, or suicidal. I would like to help you.
I encountered a unexpected challenge already today. My senior has not had a good relationship with her coach(who was new), she dn feel his training was beneficial. Her timings have deproved too. They never had a good relationship. Then just now, my senior literally broke down after being told by that coach that she will not be competing this year during the Nationals(the biggest sch competition for all trackers).
My other senior went to comfort her straightaway. Being the novice helper, I decided to stay and observe. And WAHLAO they really did exactly what they should not do to help a sad person. Words like "Ignore him la", "He is rubbish.", even jokes came up. I am not sure she felt any better...=/ hope she does.
This weekend will be dominated by my project commitments. My group is bringing a bunch of primary school chubbies to a fight child hunger carnival cum walk. One of the most meaningful causes to fight for, the event is from 8am to 2pm. If you are free, please come down on that day and look for me. =) We need MANY volunteers.::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:31 PM:.
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::Every Cloud has its silver lining.. Thrown into the condemned course of Developing Peer Helping Skills.. The course has shown to be one that teaches you an invaluable skill and is also taught by a interesting teacher in Mr.Edmund.
Trained hard for two consecutive days already.. Hope of a full recovery by Nationals..
ahh..Just completed my German mock exam Paper 1 today too... =s hope it turns out good.. I need to study harder when the Prelims come around that's for sure.
Beauty UP my Life have now taken up my every free moment... -.- NAMING COMPETITION!
'Beauty UP my Life!" aims to promote a healthy lifestyle through the sound development of both mind and body, while constantly keeping the importance of fun for the children in mind.
so...what would be a better name for this project?
Submit your entries before the end of May and win..nothing. =) maybe a little affection from me.::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:12 PM:.
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::AHHHH...nightmarish Combined Sports Meet..
I daoed my friends...only had time to drink 2cups of milo...and had no time to grab free lunch form the canteen! o.o...omg...
kay..seriously..the Combined Sports Meet this year has again turned out to be a near total disaster.. in fact, I feel my best performance a the CSM was in sec1..-.- when I won second for the 100mhurdles at my senior's expense..
so deja vu this year.. my junior won gold at my expense.. he bagged both gold at hurdles.. while I was unable to compete due to dengue for the 100mhurdles.. while he performed best on e day when we had e 400mhurdles..
that takes us up to the final day.. two events for me, the 100m finals and the inter-consortium relay..
I wanted to reach sch and start warm-up at 6.45am.. first..i took too long at home..second..the traffic jam was horrific.. If u add them up and infer from the situation, I ran my 100m without much warm-up and together with that darn sunny SUN shining in my face.. i basically screwed my 100m finals upside down. funny enough that they would still want to hand me a trophy..for being 4th. hai..at least I learned my lesson to be respectful at all times and received the trophy with both hands..-.-
Flashback to last year's CSM--> I disappointed myself in my 100m race and I performed even worse at the relays..
..great..that means half of the prophecy is coming true.. I already disappointed myself in e 100m race...
why don't I just go straight to the race huh..-.= its getting late..
so *bang* goes the starting gun. watching the front runners I realized my teammate wasn one of them.. in a split second, the baton has been passed to the second runner.. however hard I stared at them, they juz wn run any faster.. @#$@#$ my third runner ran too far forward and had to stop and reach back for the baton.. i was sweating on our fate.. a side look at our main rival's third runner confirmed my fears.. our team was at least 3meters behind and the rival's last runner had the edge on me.. god our team is doomed.. I sprinted to the finish..but that had no effect on the eventual result whatsoever...
my whole heart sank.. and I felt a surge of anguish..

P.S. im fine now in case anyone was worrying..hehe..::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:59 PM:.
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::Wahaa...no time to blog. Tomorrow is the annual Combined Sports Meet...I have....one 100m finals and a inter-consortium relay to compete in. looking forward to making lots of happy memories tmrw. => of cuz, if it turns bad, tmrw will be the icing on a mudcake for my sports day this year.
After the sports day....PRELIM2...chao zai. After prelim 2...i'll hav to rush to somewhr else...
whatever...life is short...why waste it sleeping.. quote..someone ELSE not me.::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:55 PM:.
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::Elections over! Matthias Yao won my constituency..=/ no comments.. It was rather surprising Chiam See Tong retained his job though. I was at the PAP rally for Potong pasir and they looked really excited at Sitoh's plans.. hmm.. hai.. one of Sitoh's grassroot colleagues described Sitoh's chase as "wooing a girl", woo six years le, now he's asking her hand in marriage... u noe what happend... heartbreak for Sitoh... =<::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:04 PM:.
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::Rallies attended count: 2!
I went for the opposition's rally at my own SMC, Macpherson! Argh..the rain is really irritating. The normally lush field is now lushily muddy, the pretty butterflys is now just petty flies, and worst of all, the cultured, eloquent PAP candidate I witnessed on my last rally is now a stammering, dialect-speaking, crappy guy who advocates a multi-cultural public holiday as his campaign message?! We already have one mister...it is called Racial Harmony Day! you still want your multi-cultural day? -.- throughout the rally i was ..intrigued.. by his few yet confusing initiatives..

"Average...in international.. they got 12-15 public holidays a year.. we have 11!" -SDA speaker
"...." Crowd
"[hehe]..our government a..little stingy hor?" - SDA speaker
".................................-.-" Crowd

..and you really thought that the point of opposition having inadequate substance is all just PAP propaganda... o.o::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:33 PM:.
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