::poof. i am retrenched.. again. =D haha. at least now school is starting so i probably will not go back any time soon.
Still. I have learnt plenty already from this experience, and I will write them here.. now or later. Let's see.. I have worked for a very able yet fun entreprenuer, been under the tutelage of a wheelchair-bound telemarketer, worked with a very short, stumpy, but funny 20+ male secretary, and seen a smoking teenager on crutches take the same job as me and get fired in a month. Did I mention I witnessed my own wheelchair-bound telemarketer in charge get fired too?
And that is just the people in the workplace. The experience certainly opened my eyes to the real world; the world beyond school, beyond fun and games, beyond naivety and ignorance. The world where pain, limitations, and troubles are real and not just childplay. As teenagers we often get caught up in the silliest of things as if the world revolves around us and us alone. It doesn't. Step outside the school and really go into the society, the workingplace, not as a student, just as a normal teenager and you'll see what life for most of us is really about.
We are a priviliged bunch. I am starting to feel that more and more. Previously when I looked at the richer or more talented I would get irritated and disturbed , but now I would count the riches I already have. An able body is already arguably the most valuable possession anyone can have. Add on to that a good academic brain and we're propelled into the 'elite' of the society.
On my last day, this auntie at the workplace asked me which JC I was going to. She was pleasantly surprised when I told her I was going into HCJC and she proceeded to give me her well-wishes and told me how lucky I was and how I should concentrate on my studies(despite questioning me on leaving the job earlier).
All of that just makes me more determined to make the most out of my JC education.. =] I am maturing. =>
---
Note: Have any of you been following what is happening in Iraq? Sectarian violence? People cuddled in barricaded homes? Doubled figure death rate per day? And Iraq is only one of the many violence-fested region in the world- the rest we no longer hear about.
While we can laugh and joke about people, races, and violence during our daily conversation, deep down inside I am saving my prayers for the less fortunate people all over the world.
--
.May we have peace.::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:40 AM:.
...
::a child.
What words come to mind when you look at a child? adorable? lovable? cute? innocent?
..or idealistic? ignorant?
All of us have been a child once (some still are). It is this unique mix of qualities that distinguishes a child from young adults or even teenagers. A child is always cute, lovable and irresistably adorable (at least to some people =) both physically and psychologically. Therefore they attract indefinite attention and envious looks from all who still reminisce about their childhood.
Yet as cherished and celebrated as they are, when we think of a child we often forget that they do possess less than desirable attributes. Innocence. but more specifically ignorance. Not so much that a child is less knowledgable or lacking intellectual capacity but a child is generally insensitive and naturally ignorant to other people.
Almost like an autistic. [no link..] In spite of the large amount of adoration they draw, they appear oblivious to it. In spite of the love poured onto them, they are unmoved by it. The child does not intend to hurt, only that to him it is incomprehensible. How to handle or reciprocate the love, is again beyond its still limited ability. Oh, the unrequited love.. plaguing so many. ;p
Of course most of the lovers, and adorers, would realize immediately that the child is still a child and proceed to limit or modify their love; love what would usually be unlovable, and forgive what would otherwise be unforgivable. A child would remain adorable in most people's eyes but as long as the ignorance remained, it would also remain detestable to those who poured out their love and expected reciprocacy.
Now how horrible would it be, if someday a child grows up but still retained its childlike attributes? oh... the amount of love and adoration it will draw yet will not treasure nor reciprocate. Perhaps there will not be heartbreaks, but oh.. the amount of heartaches. which is worse?
..and what if.. the child is aware and he is only playing you all? what if the child is a playa? o my..
=p
..
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:22 AM:.
...
::*wink*wink* meaningful lyrics.

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that theyll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things

-Jack Johnson "We're better together"


I'm so lonely, but that's okay, I shaved my head
...And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard
...But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there
...But I don't care
I'm so horny, but that's okay
...My will is good
Hey, hey hey [x6]

-Nirvana "Lithium"


If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
I've been dropping so many hints
You're still not getting it
Now that you've heard everything I have to say
Where we gonna go from here?

-Sugababes "Push the Button"

I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're notI play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near...
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a frontJust a front, hey
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

-Macy Gray "I try"

..
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:17 PM:.
...
::geez.. insomnia.. again! cant believe im still having this shit, even in the holidays. -.- I thought I got rid of it since the eoy exams. o rite.. KI 'exam' tomorrow. Since I don't know what will be tested, I suppose I am under extra pressure and hence this insomnia. At least this is as much sense as I can make out of my situation. -.-
.. what am I doing?
eating gummi bears..
if I screw up tmrw, you know why. Gummi bears did not work.
I hope they do. They're cute, sweet, chewy, why would they not help you write better essays?::

.:firestarter blogged on 1:23 AM:.
...
::Cristiano Ronaldo and I have so much in common! so girls, if you are drooling over cristiano ronaldo, take a look at me k?
lol. bleahx. anyway, seriously! He play soccer, I play soccer. He is a boy, I am a boy. He is tanned, so am I. =D PLUS I just discovered he is 6'1 and 75kg! I am 6'1 and 73kg, so that means he is FAT and I am NOT. In conclusion, I am a leaner chinese version of cristiano ronaldo- luo na duo. =D consider me.. seriously.
.
rain! rain... rain?! walao. it has rained like forever! weeks already? It rained again today. A portent for a stp test! I reached late.. and feeling lazy I (added on to the fact e bookshop was closed) decided not to photocopies of my certificates and just act dumb later in the auditorium should they request them.
When I finally reached the 'waiting area' outside audi, I saw... two distinct groups of boys and girls (haii =s), plus TWO 'quixotic' applicants from other ulu schools. =p and considering the boy was eyeing the girl so often, they looked like they couldn care less for e test anyways. u like apples? how about a date?
=x
.
main point now.. *drumrolls* ny girls v unfriendly! o.o okok. haha. that is not e main point. main point was e STP test! [which took me 2 days to prepare, and STILL i was unprepared cuz what I prepared did NOT come out. -.-] We took chem paper first. I couldn't remember much.. except I had a number of blanks.. moreover my structured questions were.. mostly blank. [e only reason I did not leave them ALL blank was because they do not minus marks for wrong answers for structured, which they do for MCQ. =s minus marks leh, sadistic people eh..] what came next was BIO! I did not rmbr much abt this paper too, cause I basically made up my mind Bio ranked bottom of my priorities. THEN we come to physics, a RELATIVELY EASY paper but what did I do? Influenced by the very difficult structured qn for e past two papers, I did not attempt e physics structured questions until very late into e test. Life being the funny thing it is, revealed the structured physics questions to be JIE JIAO! v easy questions, or gift marks..
competition being intense as it already is [about 100+ ppl turned up for 60places and I suspect ny had more quality candidates since they all eagerly sat in front, good luck guys. =<], I fear my doom!
.
STILL I have a KI test tomorrow! lol. And I am pretty excited by it. Happy at least that I'll be seeing FRIENDS again tmrw. Perhaps not as many as during today's STP test, but I am not a greedy person. =] hehe.
*robot voice* i like people.. i like friends.. i like whoever likes me.. u like me?.. weeeeee.... *robot dance* .... *robot break dance*
.
someone's bday coming up.. prob use some other person's present to give to her. lmao. I am not one who gives present to everybody u see.. haha. only to those who showed their appreciation of me first, and since people should be happy enough that I gave them and not others presents, I am not picky about what I give to people either. lolz.
.
disclaimer: tone of this post is JOKING/CRAPPING. For entertainment purposes only. Read at your own discretion. although some tags to liven up e tag board will be appreciated. level of appreciation will be on a case-by-case basis. =p
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:25 PM:.
...
::lmao. I just have to post another.. post. erhem. haha. While I was watching TV and doing my last post, I totally forgot about my handphone. =p so sorry!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
(esp those that flooded my inbox =p and did not get a prompt reply.. =x)
You are all so special to me! haha. [it's christmas.. => ]
seriously whether you are friends, classmates, primary school classmates, you are all very special to me!
primary school friends.. seeing you bring back so much memories.
same for friends and classmates.. difference being the memories are more.. recent? haha.
ahhhhh.. i luv christmas. =]
..yet I have to study tmrw.. what the..
but... maaaaaaybe.. I can just forget about it just for a lil while. =]
you all made my xmas special! thank you!
.
hehe. =)::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:37 AM:.

::WAHAA! It is CHRISTMAS!
Pardon my loss of self control.. hehe. it's christmas and I just watched a romantic movie on tv.. o.O haha.
hope everyone has someone special to celebrate christmas with! =D If you don't, your mummy/daddy is always waiting for you. At least they appreciates you eh. =p
christmas is so beautiful..
so..why is a stupid STP test covering SIX years' worth of books falling on the day after christmas?!? urgh..::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:37 AM:.
...
::Oww.. Today's track training was imba... T.T I only realized while I was showering just now that the three spine knobs(?) at my shoulder was so sore! It was from the weight that was put onto my shoulders. =/Did I mention I had jelly legs and could not even walk for about 30min after the training session? My thigns were near-spasm the whole day.. they still are. haii.. guess they'll be fine tmrw.. when we get to class chalet. =DIm looking forward to class chalet! It's been a while since we've been together. I think everyone misses each other? especially those like me who did not go for china trips. Although I sort of made up for it with those BSP gatherings.. O well, although I have not spent my holiday alone, 4K is just something different. It is like... home! =D haha. like somewhere where you will always belong~ It is hard to have that feeling.. afterall you have been with your class most weekdays for years.
class chalet coming! christmas coming! german bbq coming!
.I sat beside this girl on my way home today. haha. she was as cute as a button. =p::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:09 AM:.
...
::WTH! MANUTD LOST. O.O I stared.. and stared.. I guess it was meant to happen. I had the gut feeling it will. =/ and who else to score e goal but nigel reo-coker? the captain who had to prove himself or be sold.. urgh. gutted.
class playing street soccer again tmrw morning.. when I'll probably at training.. sian.. guess i'll join e other ppl for field soccer after my training.. what if both soccer sessions clash.. =s sian.. dn wan to think abt it. dn even feel like gg training with all the rain. -.-::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:49 PM:.
...
::TRACK. (another thing on my mind.. =s)
Yesterday morning when I was at training, lawrence talked to me about training again. 'now would be a good time for you to.. try.. to come more regularly for training.' (sooomething like that..) It was not the first time he talked to me about this, and I always thought I knew better. My mind switched to my prepared script and blurted out that I have other priorities and I am not sure if it is worth it to work hard and sacrifice all others for e team again.
'I always thought track was your first priority...'
I said yes.. it was.
I can hear the disappointment in his voice.. I know I could help the team.. If I work hard again.. it would be for the school, for the coach, for lawrence.. it unfortunately would not be for me. I need a new challenge.. I need to go somewhere I belong.. Track, at least for now, does not feel like home, nor a place that can teach me anything new.
...
a while ago I was looking at the earliest posts on this blog. It was 2005.. I just got "elected" to sprints captain. I was vilified and posted a few posts to express my frustration, dedication to training and my vision for the team. It was funny, and touching at the same time. As I read through the posts, I realized how much I had given track and at the same time how much I had gotten out of it. The raw emotions that were in those posts were something that I could no longer understand and produce.
..
track.. thank you for the memories? =s
at least give me a year's rest to explore new options. *wink*::

.:firestarter blogged on 4:05 PM:.

::YAY! I got FIRED! =D hahaha. I think I am the happiest chap a boss ever retrenched.
Actually I was not really fired.. My telemarketing boss was.. and my boss's partner who does data entry jobs told me she'd call me if work came up. haha. so that sort of means you are fired because judging from what I have seen in the last few days of working as a telemarketer, no part-time data entry operators were called back.
That is okay cuz I was thinking of quitting soon anyway. I probably would have lasted one more week. Now that I am 'retrenched' I have time to do other things! Like... shopping! =D haha.. or maybe training. =x soccer?! haha. and of cuz for friends!
Talking about friends I have to mention yesterday. 4K peeps played street soccer again! And it was fun like always. haha. I did not realize I missed everyone so much. Everyone looked slightly different but still the same person underneath. Hongshen shocked me with his.. rather sick looking hair. haha. But he is going to japan for holiday so I guess it suits the trip. [i strongly encourage him to dye back to black when he comes back though.. ] WEichiMing, lilong, jiawei, minzhe, enloong.. waaaa.. We could have played till the sun went down.. but couldn't. I had a primary school alumni gathering. =x
Although everyone was having fun and I would never leave even if I had an exam the next day, I had to go. I promised to attend e primary school gathering, and two person I have not seen for years will be there. I wanted to leave by 4 30pm.. ended up leaving at 6.15pm.. o.O the gathering was a dinner at 6pm at Parkway Parade btw, a 45 minute journey from school minus waiting time. I eventually got home, showered and reached the place by 7.30pm, hungry and exhausted. I had to apologize profusely and I was rushed so much to get there, i totally forgot what to say or how to act when I saw the two friends I have not met in ages.
See the point in the story? =p haha.. it is.. you can never please everybody! ah hah. My classmates and the primary school friends are all really important people to me and are like part of my body. I will never hurt them intentionally yet I had to negotiate a compromise. If you want to please everybody, you will end up pleasing nobody!
shocking but true. haha.
like appointing a malay official to officiate a soccer game between chinese and westerners. you will please neither the chinese, nor the westerners! Does the inability to please both parties means you must offend them both?
=p.::

.:firestarter blogged on 3:24 PM:.

::You know how people can change? and quickly?
And you can't do anything about it.
Slowly.. subconsciously, or consciously we will let it affect our relationship.
Is there anything anyone can do?
It may not even be you that iniated this change. It may be some outdated info that you never wanted the other person to hear about until perhaps much later. Something you had deemed insignificant but it managed to affect e other person all e same.
Someone spilled the beans to her and now things are out of your control.
It is like watching someone important to you die.. She may not be your world, but she was still someone you treasured. She may still appear e same to everyone else, yet she would turn cold to you. At least that is what she appears to be doing.
Somehow you are sensitive to these things. You see her, and you approach with e same smile and goes to her. She did not say a thing, she would even try to talk to you. You fake a smile, but deep down you feel her reluctance. You don't have her full attention, she is thinking of something else. You walk away.
You think to yourself. Normally i would have ignored such a person. Why do I still bother. All of a sudden she had lost all her beauty and you are looking at her.. as she is. You do not feel appreciated.. That is what you think anyways.
You reminisce about the past, maybe everything will get better with time. You care, and your door is always open for her, she only has to knock. For now, you are slowly hurting and soon growing numb, behind those doors.::

.:firestarter blogged on 2:04 PM:.
...
::If you could lactate to share the burden of your other half, would you? =D lol. I heard from radio, you could actually lactate through medication, and even.. through regular message to stimulate your mammary gland! Would you do it?
I'd consider.. if only the other half appreciates me doing it. hahaha. but all I could think about is this baby sucking on my nipples and how that would feel?! sick! its definitely ticklish.. my firm chest muscles would become.. tender and raw.. glands. o.O ewwww.. and imagine milk trickling out of your nipple. WAHHHH... SIAO LIAO.
---
hahaha.. anyway, I realized one simple rule. Never assume. Conclusion drawn from assumptions than first-hand experience is most likely to be false and hence leading to the incorrect course of action. And when do people assume the most? When they encounter the opposite gender! Guys fall for this the most. All the wishful thinking would start.. They'd assume the girls were peeking at them.. the girls were thinking about them.. or the girls were dissing them.. and angry at them.. Afterwhich they'd end up doing all the stupid things guys do! What do girls do? They smirk and play along. o.O how evil.. they'd enjoy it.. and then when they no longer derive any pleasure from you.. they really ditch you.
Worst still, the guys never saw what was coming. As thick as a log, they'd accept it was their fault and they have not done enough.
shocking but true. haha.
--
-::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:59 PM:.
...
::Actually I did not want to do this post, I have written enough already (3!), read enough too. But I couldn't.. I went to one more blog than I should have... =s
3mins..
1min..
lol im not going to finish this post..
[I wanted to finish that post before 12am.. haha]
-----
I stoned so long because I did not know what to say. I thought it was over. Yet you rekindled that flame, intentionally or unintentionally I do not know. Nor do I know if you wanted to, or if it was for the right reasons.
Sometimes people forget that not only do girls get hurt in relationships, guys do too. Girls cry, guys do too, in private and inside of them of course. I still remember the last time I came out of one of these things, the very sight of her made my heart stop and shrink and sent me into a heart-stopping daze.
--
-
JC's starting in a few weeks. Very soon everyone will be separated and dispersed across the level. Will our friendship still stand? Luckily class chalet is coming up. 4K's last big party I guess. haha. Then everyone would have made new friends, will we remember each other? I am not the only one contemplating this question, nor are you.
--
-.bookreview.com- hahaha.
A book with its twists and turns. The book had a fantastic beginning, enthralling the heart. Content without a heart; yet as he reads on, he found himself in a precarious predicament. One that he knew will signal e end. He slams e book shut. Yet wind blew the pages open again, and he found his heart thrown back in his face. This time the heart was imbued with a tinge of hope, threat, and a challenge he knows he will win. Time will prove it.
-.book of shark bitten hunk.-
-
haha.. fine. random.::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:54 PM:.

::People learn from experience. =D haha. most people anyway.. I know some people rather shy away from them. *wink*
There is something vital to learning that only personal experience can provide. This is backed up by literature ok? I read this from.. a certain article. haha. A professor perhaps. =p He talked about learning. You know how parents like to point out the 'right' path to their children all the time? Then start nagging about how they are giving their children all the shortcuts yet their children are not taking advantage of them or not even appreciating them. Looking at it from the child's point of view, by being shown a 'shortcut' he has not learned anything at all. Without going the long way, he does not even realize that this path is a shortcut. He does not understand, he does not learn.
Sometimes there is really no shortcut to success, only hardwork and persistence. Endless courage also helps. If one is afraid to step out into the wilderness, try the unknown, one will not gain the variety of experience needed for one to mature into a complete person. It is only through personal experience, and indulging and fully absorbing that experience, can one truly assimilate the benefits of the experience into oneself. Without a personal complete immersion into the subject, one will not have a complete understanding of the subject. Hence when one learns from another's experience, reading from historical records for example, one is looking at a distorted presentation. One distorted by human limitations, distorted by the historian/other person regardless intentionally or unintentionally. Any belief derived from it is thus dangerously askewed and unlikely to be true. Is that not why we only derive conclusions from a variety of sources? first hand as well as secondary sources?
Seek out the truth, rationalize your stand. Observing events from afar, or literally ge an guan huo (no link de chinese proverd..lol), and then deriving a stand from those observations is like..watching a vegetarian refusing to eat meat and then deeming meat to be something sick and disgusting.
haha. bleahx.
Bringing it back to myself, although I have many basic virtues I stick to, I am most unclear on certain values where relationships are concerned. haha. like zhong se qing you. I just realized from a recent experience how true it was and how immature I still was about certain things. I guess we are growing all the time. Changing all the time.
Don't play play.
..
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:19 PM:.

::o.o grr.. people have goals.. motivations. And they act accordingly. Whatever they do, they have a motivation behind their actions. It is when they focus entirely on their own motivation and ignore that of others around them, that they become selfish and endanger relationships.
Sometimes they may not even realize what they are doing, until the moment has passed and the damage is done. Insensitivity.. no one likes it.. yet some people cant help but do it.
forgive.. and forget.. that'll only work.. if all involved forgets.
---
love is like a book. having relationship is like reading a book. It has its twists and turns, its climax and an ending. Bring the ending forward too soon, and it is ruined. Ditto the climax. No one benefits. The book is now without a purpose, it cannot bring you any more joy and you would not want to read it no more...
Trying to read it again is a waste of time. Time better spent looking for another book..
---
Today when I was coming home on the bus from work I saw this uncle. He was chasing this bus that was in front of my bus. He chased this bus for at least 100m. He was sprinting on roads and jumping over humps in a precarious way. He nearly collided with this other bus as he focused on chasing the bus preceding it. And he duly fell. Tripped; and as I watched him use his arms to break his fall, my heart was in my mouth. His hair was white, probably 70+ years of age, and still in such good health. What a tragedy it would be if he had gotten hurt in his chase? A helathy old man in his golden years paralysed while chasing a bus. o.O In any case, he got his bus. He didn seem badly hurt as he got back on his feet rather quickly. Quick enough to swear at the other bus driver before boarding his desired bus.
Best wishes to all old healthy folks. =]
----::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:54 PM:.

::lol.. i just read another funny post.. though it wasn meant to be funny but i laugh at alot of things.. =x
You know, sometimes I feel too many people takes too many things TOO seriously. I am not trying to downplay the significance that these things may have to individuals but would it not be better if we forget these minor but important details for a moment and just let ourselves go? Venture into the unknown, the deviant path and see how it goes? It will certainly be more challenging and exciting, and perhaps you'll discover the perceived wrong path can turn out good as well. Why limit your options and draw such a clear line of distinction, as if there are no grey areas. Just like cakes. You'll get fat if you eat them, but if the occasion calls for eating a slice or two, surely you can make an exception? Why rob yourself of a good time because of an opinion? Opinions can change, maybe that is why I do not have many staunch beliefs or faith.
Talking about faith and of course christianity, I feel I have been writing too critically about them, as if I am critical of or dislikes it. I admire some religious people greatly, it is only I write so much about the negative impression of religion I no longer feel good enough to write about the good points. =s The way I see christianity is you cannot take it too seriously. I mean I have not had time to get to know the religion better so faithfuls please do not get offended. For me christianity is a beautful thing, just like a waterfall, calligraphy, or friendship. Beauty is in the eys of e beholder; learn to appreciate instead of critique, see its good points rather than its bad. Calligraphy is really smelly, but shouldn't you be observing the beauty of the strokes instead of the smell of the ink? [ok ok.. im not tat good with anecdotes.. -.-.. im learning?]
From my experience with christianity, I have seen how christianity gave people joy, hope, confidence. If it can lift someone out of depression, give the down and out renewed hope, and make people believe in themselves, why not give it a chance? Indulging in christ is certainly a more worthwhile activity than what most people are indulging in everyday.
It is not only beautiful but fantastic what christianity can do to people. Of my short stint as a christian, I have seen people have sparkles in their eyes when they talk of christ, exuding in confidence and self-assurance at the mention of His name.
In fact, I have seen the crippled walk and the sick cured at the hands of Christian healers. Some of you might already think to yourself how these must be pre-arranged, and I have entertained these thoughts myself, but I do not believe christians will allow that to happen. It will be too disrespectful to their beliefs. Moreover wouldn't it be better to believe in these things than be cynical and call it bluff? The happiness on the people's faces after they were healed were infectious.
Christianity commands a tremendous following, and although not all of its values and rules are practical and agreeable to outsiders, most of them are virtues worth touting about. As far as I know, christianity itself do not promote vices, war, or antagonism, so why not let christianity make the world a better place?
Religious people are not all nuts and free-thinkers are not all hell-goers; people need to distinguish the extremists from the moderates. I still believe most christians are decent people, just like most islamists.
Finally back to the post I read, someone was keeping distance from building relationships with non-christians because it would hurt too much remembering the counterpart would go to hell. [i laughed, i confess.] Does all non-believers go to hell? And does it make a difference if someone converted early, only before he died, or committed to Christ only after turning his back on him multiple times?
anyways, these are moments when all you can think of is telling the other party it is going to be okay... tell me your worries.. I will not go to hell..serious. o.O [kinda hard for a non-believer to comfort a christian..]
--
-
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:48 AM:.
...
::urgh.. still stuck at home.. sick. =(
not that fun to be struck down by flu.. the runny nose.. the moutains of tissues.. ewww.
so I am going to post crap today.. haha.
zai bo. haha. crappy enough? You know.. there are all kinds of zai bos in the world. geeky ones, pretty ones, cute ones, .. manly ones. lol. my friend described his girl friend as 'manly'. You gotta be one special girl to be described as manly. =p
Come to think of it.. she gave us directions, opened doors for us, indulged in cheesy pick-up lines, talked abt homosexuality.. =s girls.. so strange.
--
hope she doesn see this post. o.o in case she does, she is really pretty and is very impressive in whatever she does too. =D kk. end.::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:20 AM:.
...
::i have flu.. again.. adriel.. i hate you. -.-
haha..
anyways, I had to stay in bed e whole morning because of my flu. I was not feeling very good at all.. Yet while in bed, it gave me endless time to ponder about myself. Who I am.. What I want..
---
before I go any furthur, can I just make a disclaimer here? I've been posting a few intimate things lately and if you've seen me outside at all, I'm not as cynical, thoughtful, or as any image the previous posts portrays me to be at all. I am a deep.. and troubled person though. =s Aint everyone?
Is it ok if you guys just read this with a pinch of salt? or ignore the long posts.. the short ones are better for everyday reading. =]
---
Anyways, one of the things that came across my mind is this: I have a disregard of how other around me feels; at least to a certain extent. I know I should not post intimate or opinionated posts on my blog but I do not like to care? If I have to be restrained on my blog, I might as well quit blogging.
And this does not just stop with my insensitive posts. Due to work and training, I have not been able to sustain my happy mood for a long period of time. What happens is that, when I am outside with friends, I would turn moody after a few hours. o.O as in seriously a sulk.. haiiii..
Perhaps it stems from my past... when I cared too much of what others thought and kept much to myself. During that time, I was not happy, no one cared about me, I was not laughed at but I was not laughing either.
--
Then something else popped into my mind: Some nonsensical people always call me names, or they would stereotype me. PERVERT.. GAY... SELF-ABSORBED.. WEAKLING.. SLEEPY F#$%.. CHINAMAN.. what's up with that man??? Deep inside I am neither of those. hellloooo?? I am a INFP afterall.. Introvert.. Sensing..Feeling.. Percepting? the point is I am naturally none of those things, I exhibit those traits at times just to entertain those around me. [Sleepy F#%, Chinaman I will talk about later..]
I mean cant you see how dull daily small talk will be if everyone kept to the politically correct and neutral topics? How's studies, you look great.. -.- I'll be bored to death. Moreover I choose the target of my slightly out of line jokes and behaviour, no sick jokes to girls for example? Yet others will leak what I said to other people whom these words were not intended for. You laugh at the things I say, then you turn your back on me and call me a pervert, gay, self-absorbed person?? And you still expect me to carry on my behaviour to entertain you??
Thank you.. but no thanks.
Baisc things that I expect of my friends: Respect; Loyalty; Reciprocity.
--
Next chapter: Friendship.
A good friend said if I were a girl, I'd be called a slut; I suggested male whore.. haha. we talked in a joking kinda way of course.
After reading how pissed off I get at being called names, some might be surprised at why I did not get pissed at being called a slut?
Simple: it was a good friend and we were joking. =]
Had he not been a good friend, I'd give him a stern look and ignore him.
Anyway apparently my good friend has the impression I am sociable with everyone. Not true. At least I do differentiate people in my heart. My best pals that I can trust is only a handful. I trust my track juniors. I am attached to a handful of people that I've been going out with recently. The truth is I do select my friends and I do not grow emotionally attached to anyone as simple as it may seem.
This post is not to offend those not-so-close friends, but is to be an honest reflection of what I value in a buddy, a close friend.
I value loyalty. If you appear friendly and we have fun together one day, but you turn on me and laugh at me the next day, do NOT expect me to snuggle up to you.
I value exclusiveness. I like it when I know I have a special place in your life; it is a Leo thing.. If you have a huge circle of friends, and I am just one of them, do not expect you and I to be close.
I value trustworthiness. If I feel I cannot trust you.. that's it man. (or woman) I'll keep you at arm's length.
I demand respect. (Another Leo thing..) If you slight me..for no significant reason.. I hate that.. and I won't love you no more.
Am I hard to please? o.O Perhaps that is why I have not found many true buddies.. o ya, I like freedom too, if too many friends will tie me down.. hehe >p
---
talking about friends.. banana is worth a mention. =D He cracks me up because he always do those awkward things that is often self-contradictory. I call him a paradox.
Then I realized I am a paradox.. Perhaps even more so than him. Maybe that is why he cracks me up? o.O I do not know..
*achoo* My sickness is getting to me..
--
sorry for this moody post..
it's not you it's me. =P::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:58 PM:.

::lolz
I was reading about Pascal's wager and its flaws when I came across this:
"Homer Simpson once pointed this out to his wife Marge, "But Marge, what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!".
..talk about philosophers.. hahaha.. if only everyone of them argued their point int he same funny way homer does! now wouldn the world be a much more happy place to live in.. =P::

.:firestarter blogged on 3:20 AM:.

::hmmm.. what should I blog about... e education fair I just went to? some banana's newfound prowess in terms of interaction with e opp gender? o.O german? or.... christianity. o.o
hahaha.. you know, till this very day, christianity still baffles me. I can read and hear from people from both sides of the story.. my senses will tell me to lean towards atheism, afterall the 'laws' are what is reproduced everyday compared to what is recorded by people. History can be distorted, miracles can be exceptions just like ghost sightings. Men may explain them one day, they may not, but men's failure to explain the exceptions to the rule is insufficient to undo the rule. At least that is what I feel.
That leads me to these phrases I read from e Ki passages again.. we can never be certain that our beliefs are true, and we can never be justified in our beliefs. It seems to be two verities that applies here. Each time I get screwed up by some events, I get reminded of these two propositions. Still, this saying is like the tricky phrase "I am always lying.". If you believe the quote, it means the quote is a lie and hence he tells e truth sometimes.. so if he is true.. he is lying.. and and... o.O The point is if we can never be certain that our beliefs are true, and we can never be certain of our beliefs, then we are not supposed to be certain that 'we can never be certain in our beliefs' and we just end up with a real big mess really... Somehow intellectuals feel this big mess we end up with is better than clear faith some of us have. quoting from a worksheet my english teacher gave me.. "education is moving men from cocksure ignorance to cautious skepticism."
sometimes is ignorance not bliss? o.O
--
hahaha. makes me all the more interested to try out for Ki while at the same time making me doubt my ability to make sense of anything at all.
--
That will be another big problem I am facing now.. the difference between my dreams and my abilities. Yen gao shou di. or something like that. Since I have been in HCI, and more so in the last year, I have been taught to dream big and erase any self doubt. I have reaffirmed these thoughts and now it is almost ingrained in me. While it seems e best bet(abt pascal's bet later) to take me to where I could be and want to be, it possesses great risks. A significant one being the risk of cocksure ignorance towards my own failings. I already failed once in the SL proj I embarked on this year. Indeed my whole group was in this ignorant state until we came crashing down in july.. or was it august. -.- Our mentor repeatedly doubted our abilities and we shut our ears. Critically we failed to reflect and act on the feedback.
i would not challenge the notion that I am not one of the supertalented; not obviously talented anyways. =p I like many things.. sports, academic pursuits, philosophy, science.. I hate nothing, yet I do not excel in any. Jack of all trades but master of none? it is a possibility that scares me. I try to committ to one and just run with it like what Im told to do, but everytime I try to, I scare myself by thinking what if this is not what Im meant to do? Will I get a second chance?
so far it is getting me to nowhere..
get high... haha. e song from FIR suddenly came on.. =x i digress..
I want to achieve, and I want to reach e top. E american dream perhaps? Yet I can feel so many different parts of me that is pulling me in all different directions. I am naturally an introvert and probably would not mind a life of mediocracy or reclusiveness.. Yet I always enjoyed attention and stepping into e spotlight.. I can do sports, but not exceptionally well.. good enough for a game here and there.. How I wish e phrase all roads lead to rome is true? o.O then again.. even if it is true..
It doesn really apply for me, for I am travelling down too many roads.. and I am stuck.
---::

.:firestarter blogged on 2:05 AM:.
...
::yawn... woke up. And someone's tag made me happy. =]
can I wake up like that everyday? haha. =p
I think I'll continue what I wanted to write yesterday, albeit with some input from your post mei.
I shall write about... RELIGION. Not that I am very familiar with religion or that I am a devoted believer, I am an agnostic. I believe it cannot be proven god exists or not, and hence I have a more or less neutral take on religion.
You see. I have been a christian before. I have.. heard about buddhism from BSP x.x. I have read a little about islam through the newspaper o.O. alright alright I'll stop.
Since I have been a christian before, most of my impression and thoughts of religion stem from them. The good and the bad.
First of all, religious people seem to struck me as complacent. It sounds extreme and generalising, but I do not mean to offend. This is the impression I had when I was turning my back on christianity months ago. The people in my cell group were very inspired christians, very devoted and seemingly happy. They spent most of their time worshipping god and glorifying god. These activities included tutioning others, organizing services, etc. What struck me was that they abandoned what they used to do and committed entirely to the church in the hope of glorifying god. They gave up their ccas, work, and it made me think what they could have achieved if they continued down their original paths? They are only teenagers. If volunteering at the church is already their top priority, what will be of them when they grow up? Hopefully pastors, and theologists.. who knows.
Moreover in their speak everything was attributed to Him, be it success or failure, it was meant to be and we should accept it and see what He has planned for us. For weekly cell group meetings, we used to recount experiences in which He has helped us with during the past week. When I heard them recount their experiences and putting it to God's name, a part of me can't help but feel disturbed. When everything is 'meant to be' and 'planned' and that god will have his reasons, it stops us from asking the Why's and reflecting on our actions. My mentor used to say Failure is just a form of Feedback. If you fail and still believe this is only part of His plan and that you should just keep on doing what you did to make you fail, to me that is not only disturbing, will not help one improve and but is also a somewhat deviant interpretation of christianity. [there is this very good article on Time.com about God vs Science, I challenge any good christian to read it. =]
At that point of time, I simply did not belong in the cell group I was in. After I turned my back to Him, I have realized not every christian approached christianity the same way. In fact, some just proclaim themselves christians and go to church because their parents go to church. Meaningless. Eventually I came to the conclusion the fault does not lie with christianity or religion, but with the way it is interpreted and the way it is practised.
Quoting some Ki passage I read, we can never be justified in our beliefs. How each of us interpret and practise christianity is entirely up to us, and to say which is right or wrong is not only impossible but pointless.
---
Actually I wanted to elaborate more on the good of religion/christianity, but.. my mum wanted to cut my hair... o.O haha.. so now that she is done.. I am in no mood to write any further.. -.=
anyway, the previously mentioned article is here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1555132,00.html
It was the cover for Nov 13's issue of Time magazine. Read it k? =]::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:38 AM:.
...
::lol.. i cant stop being amused by this post my lovely friend just posted. It is heavily christ-influenced. It is about her being short. Of course it has a deeper revelation as well.
A lot of what she says are true and very logical. In fact it connects with my beliefs and I can relate (although I am definitely not short) to her feelings. I am not going to go deeper into the content of the post but more of the way it was written.
You see, she wrote it from the point of view of a devoted christian. For many atheist, or free-thinkers out there, the word christian immediately brings annoying evangelists who persistantly read proses from the bible to any living person to mind. ewwwwww.. ya? The hardcore christians, whose evangelist efforts although done with good intentions just annoys the hell out of any punky teenager.
I've had a few encounters with these evangelists. One had a debate with me about whether men came from monkeys or by design. (He even asked me to calculate the possibility a man can evolve from a monkey in order to convert me.. math nerd.. =x) I was of course, annoyed and irritated, although I am not an atheist.
On the other hand my friend's post was hugely entertaining and much more persuasive. She would be a much better evangelist if she wants to be one. can I appeal to the not-so-good evangelist to reflect and modify their approach? =< pleaaase? From my limited understanding, god do not advocate anything more than cajoling a person to find Him, why the aggressive approach then evangelists?
If all evangelists were as lovely and polite in their approach as my friend, christianity would be a much more popular religion(not saying it is not already).
---
actually i had some more to say about religion.. o.O but I am.. tired.. haha. too tired to string out decent sentences.. i shall wait... till i am less tired. yes. bleahx.::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:33 PM:.
...
::poof. it is an awful long time since I posted something meaningful! you know. those long apparently sophisticated pieces that I post once in a while? They may be boring... but did anyone ask you to read them? =p
Anyways this blog is for me.. and considering not many people know about this blog, I shall do some of the boring postings.
---
Now is the holidays ja? What do everyone do during the school holidays? *bingo* they go overseas! for what? fun, laughter, and joy? Holidays nowadays is almost synonymous with oversea trips. If someone asked you where did you go this holiday, and you said nowhere, they'll give you this bewildered look as if you just said something really stupid. Then there will be an awkward silence..
Is there anything wrong with anyone not going for a holiday?? I mean if you are going on a holiday, for me, it at least should be meaningful! If you go for a holiday that is meaningless, that is when I will give you a bewildered look. Holidays do not have to be spent overseas to be a real holiday. Why do people 'sigh' or 'sianz' when they say they are not going overseas during the holiday? o.O For me, I had a very fruitful holiday so far that I doubt I can have if I went overseas.
I am not saying going overseas is completely pointless either. As I mentioned previously, holidays must be meaningful. Going overseas can make you learn a lot, that I agree. I have been overseas afterall. The point is drawing the line where enough is enough. If the point of going overseas is to learn and grow, is going overseas every holiday not excessive to say the least? In fact, you learn less and less with every trip if you approach each trip with the same mindset as the previous one(which is what most people do). Nowadays going overeseas for holiday is more a status symbol for kids than anything I feel. You get this high out of telling everyone where you've been, but if you have not learned from them, they are just places you have been to, not places that make up part of who you are today. What is the point of telling everyone you've been to 15 countries when you cannot remember anything useful or interesting from any of them?
-----
I am going to stop here. =p leave you craving for more. Actually I am a little tired.. from working all day. And my work is actually another topic I want to talk about.
What am I doing posting these posts you ask? I am actually writing down my thoughts. Sometimes I find myself short of ideas, so now I am writing down the ideas that I have.
Why am I doing this? Ideas are simply thoughts unless you do something about them. These posts are my first step.
some topics I will write about..just off the top of my head are... my work experience, my ambition, my subj combi, loooove, track, blogging, myself? I don't know.. I'll think of more interesting ones when I come to it.
This is all just practise for KI selection test btw, haha. considering I don't have much chance without studying for it, I have to do what I can to practise. =p
adios.
---
ti amor.::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:01 PM:.
...
::



::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:07 PM:.
...