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hmmm.. what should I blog about... e education fair I just went to? some banana's newfound prowess in terms of interaction with e opp gender? o.O german? or.... christianity. o.o
hahaha.. you know, till this very day, christianity still baffles me. I can read and hear from people from both sides of the story.. my senses will tell me to lean towards atheism, afterall the 'laws' are what is reproduced everyday compared to what is recorded by people. History can be distorted, miracles can be exceptions just like ghost sightings. Men may explain them one day, they may not, but men's failure to explain the exceptions to the rule is insufficient to undo the rule. At least that is what I feel.
That leads me to these phrases I read from e Ki passages again.. we can never be certain that our beliefs are true, and we can never be justified in our beliefs. It seems to be two verities that applies here. Each time I get screwed up by some events, I get reminded of these two propositions. Still, this saying is like the tricky phrase "I am always lying.". If you believe the quote, it means the quote is a lie and hence he tells e truth sometimes.. so if he is true.. he is lying.. and and... o.O The point is if we can never be certain that our beliefs are true, and we can never be certain of our beliefs, then we are not supposed to be certain that 'we can never be certain in our beliefs' and we just end up with a real big mess really... Somehow intellectuals feel this big mess we end up with is better than clear faith some of us have. quoting from a worksheet my english teacher gave me.. "education is moving men from cocksure ignorance to cautious skepticism."
sometimes is ignorance not bliss? o.O
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hahaha. makes me all the more interested to try out for Ki while at the same time making me doubt my ability to make sense of anything at all.
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That will be another big problem I am facing now.. the difference between my dreams and my abilities. Yen gao shou di. or something like that. Since I have been in HCI, and more so in the last year, I have been taught to dream big and erase any self doubt. I have reaffirmed these thoughts and now it is almost ingrained in me. While it seems e best bet(abt pascal's bet later) to take me to where I could be and want to be, it possesses great risks. A significant one being the risk of cocksure ignorance towards my own failings. I already failed once in the SL proj I embarked on this year. Indeed my whole group was in this ignorant state until we came crashing down in july.. or was it august. -.- Our mentor repeatedly doubted our abilities and we shut our ears. Critically we failed to reflect and act on the feedback.
i would not challenge the notion that I am not one of the supertalented; not obviously talented anyways. =p I like many things.. sports, academic pursuits, philosophy, science.. I hate nothing, yet I do not excel in any. Jack of all trades but master of none? it is a possibility that scares me. I try to committ to one and just run with it like what Im told to do, but everytime I try to, I scare myself by thinking what if this is not what Im meant to do? Will I get a second chance?
so far it is getting me to nowhere..
get high... haha. e song from FIR suddenly came on.. =x i digress..
I want to achieve, and I want to reach e top. E american dream perhaps? Yet I can feel so many different parts of me that is pulling me in all different directions. I am naturally an introvert and probably would not mind a life of mediocracy or reclusiveness.. Yet I always enjoyed attention and stepping into e spotlight.. I can do sports, but not exceptionally well.. good enough for a game here and there.. How I wish e phrase all roads lead to rome is true? o.O then again.. even if it is true..
It doesn really apply for me, for I am travelling down too many roads.. and I am stuck.
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.:firestarter blogged on 2:05 AM:.
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