::continuation..
Why am I grieving.. why should I be unhappy? Just because I am not the top 10% of science student in HCJC? Will I be a lesser doctor/researcher, if I do not get into STP? Yes... o.o no no no! grrr..
I can still be a doctor/researcher.. perhaps a lesser one.. but one nonetheless..
Pride comes before fall.. I assumed I would get into STP.. I did not study as hard as science geeks.. though I have never worked hard for science like the geeks have for the last four years.
I started with a disadvantage and I refused to work hard.
I have no one to blame but myself. Me and my foolish pride caused my fall.. and a hard fall too. I made it a hard fall.. by placing STP+KI as the bedrock of all my dreams I set myself up for heartbreak. Unfortunately the bullet hit right on, shattering my heart and my dreams.
Of course realistically my dreams are not tied to STP admission and they are still within reach. In fact all is not lost. I lost nothing.. though I got nothing too.
Not STP anyway, as I got KI. I expected STP, but got KI.
Another conundrum: I always thought humans(KI) was my interest, but sciences(STP) was my forte. What does all this represent now?? Humans is my interest AND forte????
I am an ARTS STUDENT?? SPITE THAT I HAVE NEVER SCORED AN A1 for humans class tests, and had to REDO MY HUMANITIES RESEARCH PAPER 8 TIMES this year???? I SHOULD HAVE APPLIED FOR Humanities Programme????
Wth...
I need to listen to my heart... that's where my choices are made.. but its useless now.. it was incapacitated by the STP result.. it is not responding to my calls.
A heavy.. and numb heart.
I am trying desperately to protect it.. sensibly I should move on and look at the brighter side and be happy.. but I tied too much emotions to STP.. I know if I let my heart out and open, my emotions will rip it apart..
I want to cry.. to let it out.. but to whom.. and how?
i feel.. disillusioned.. disinterested.. flabbergasted..
I need.. someone..::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:06 PM:.
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