::Woohooo.. lol. THIRD for touch rug carnival. =p Considering we never practised much.. were over-confident on many occasions.. had to win our first match after sudden death.. we ROCK!
hahaha. ahhh.. it is really a good result, yet I am not that happy with it. Nothing to be ecstatic about. haha. Cuz I know we should have won it. We beat the champion team to get our third position lo.. if we had better practise and concentration. haiii.
We were lucky to get third.. yet we could have won! =p
ahh.. kudos to my team. haha. they rock..
..final note.. I think I totally pissed the champion team off! =X SORRY! omg.. too competetive le. It's just a game la.. hopefully they get over it. hehehe.. but they're snrs.. I guess they won't hold it against me... =/
o well...
relay training tmrw and juggling on thurs. o.O haha. friday's free! too bad no one dances on friday. if that is the case.. I'll have to go train I guess..
meanwhile... shall try to study.
=/ I am not made for mugging... the mugging for chem test has made me really slack up until now. arrrrrrrg.
.. how how how how how. O.O::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:43 PM:.
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::grr.. the blog ate up my post yesterday.. just as well maybe.. since it had some stuff written in angst and perhaps is irrelevent again now.
Another part of that eaten-up post was regarding why I chose Bio over Physics.. in summary I need to put in more effort to understand Physics than Biology. Furthurmore higher level Physics involves a lot of Mathematics. In case you are not aware, Math is not exactly my strongest subject. Moreover I had a stronger liking for Bio than Phy anyways.
Not much time in JC to blog/go online/play a fool. Still we must cope. Funny how these things goes. Remember just a while ago you were constantly reminding me to keep up with my schoolwork and not be distracted? Now it seems like my turn to prompt you to do your work and take care of your studies. (Perhaps the reason for lagging behind in ur work is different from mine. =x still..)The workload in JC can be really taxing at times. Inevitably we'll build up a backlog. Just make sure it doesn't get so big that it becomes a significant distraction? I don't know.. someone dn rate me highly as a consoler. =p I care alot though.. so at least that gives me a good foundation to start with?
It doesn't feel good at all when I see you jaded, teased, or confused. Unfortunately I am incapable of alleviating your burden.. perhaps you don't want me to.. it's fine with me. Sometimes people need to settle things on their own. I have complete confidence that you can do it. As much as I don't like to, I'll wait.. and hope.
Get well soon.
..
did I mention I LOVE ooiAG? hahaha... wait. maybe i've spoken too soon. =x::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:20 PM:.
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::Watched iwo jima. Yesterday. haha. Can I just say it was a really pervertic and macabre movie? The combat scenes were not exactly emotional or gruesome but the way the soldiers died sure were! There was this guy who was manning a machine gun who got kaboomed by a grenade. His arm was half-blown off! And guess what! What was left of the arm kept twitching and sputtering blood everywhere! lol. Anyone else feel this is exaggerated? Maybe someone can give me a mathematical solution to why normal human blood pressure can not make this possible.
O! and who can forget the Japanese suicide scenes! Besides the irony that they find honour in suiciding while the battle is not yet over, what was unforgettable was how they actually suicided! They took out a grenade each(apparently they rather use it on themselves than the swarms of US soldiers), knocked it on their head and held it against their chest. Strangely even though they were crowded inside a cave, it took as many grenades as there were soldiers for them all to die! Some grenade...
Overall the movie was enjoyable. Haha.. the hysterics from the person sitting next to me apart, the movie was interesting for reminding us the horrors of war and patriotism. It also painted the Japanese WW2 soldiers who are often depicted as pervertic, obdurate, and blindly patriotic in a more humane way. The contradictions and internal turmoil that they faced were typical of most soldiers. The propaganda the soldiers as well as the public were subjected to were cynical and immoral in hindsight, yet it is precisely propaganda that sustains moral and ultimately wars. IwoJima also prompts us to think about the meaning of life. The olympic gold medallist, as well as the us-educated general perished. Like that cute baker, they all left their loved ones to defend a barren island in a losing battle. The sacrifice they made were ultimately for nothing.
.....
..
On another note. [it's zhen jin bu pa huo LIAN btw.. =x] I believe one should never be afraid to test one's beliefs and if one finds them wrong, accept and change them. On the other hand, if one is still convinced after such a test then one's belief will be strengthened and only then can it become a conviction. For without a rigourous test of one's beliefs there appears to be little reason for such strong faith. Perhaps that is why I am usually unafraid to explore new ideas or listen to the other side of the story. I am open to admitting my mistakes and of course confident enough not to be ashamed of making mistakes. Some people are afraid of going for health checks.. some refuse to listen to what people say.. they cling on to their opinion as if their life depends on it. Not a very sensible or reasonable thing to do is it?
Are you afraid someone might pull a trick on you? blindfold you or cloud your judgement?
KI as a subject is inherently neutral..
It does not try to deceive or confuse. It wishes only for you to examine your thinking process, your beliefs and instead of blind faith or puppy love, to believe and love with good reason.
Like they say, there is no right without wrong. One can have no experience of truth without experiencing falsehood. One can not distinguish love without first experiencing infatuation. Without facing, understanding and perhaps eventually defeating your opposition, how can you support your convictions?
In any case, KI does not ask for a decision on any of one's beliefs. It only asks for you to think critically. Period.::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:37 AM:.
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::CNY this year has been cool. Somewhat better than last year... =]
Just read through the reading on Plato, and his allegories of Cave and Lines. It is really about his theory of knowledge. The things we perceive to know, to believe, he categorizes them into four divisions. The lowest having the least certainty, reality, or truth, and the highest having the most.
The lowest division is exemplified by shadows. Shadows are not real. Scientifically speaking they are not matter, they occupy no space. Does that mean they are void of reality? Do they not resemble the object that cast them? Does your shadow not tell something about you, however distorted? Hence shadows are somewhat truths, albeit distorted ones.
Moving up we have the next division- beliefs. These are based on our senses, predominantly what we see or perceive. We see a red apple and believe apples are red. They are definitely very real if you are an empiricist who believes and trusts his senses. Yet have you never been tricked by optical illusions before? Are your preceptions knowledge? What you see most true? That would make knowledge all too one-dimensional and simplistic. These are not yet knowledge, in Plato's terms, not yet intelligible ideas.
The next division is part of the intelligible world; the lower two divisions defined as the visible world. Here are thoughts. Mathematicians belong to this division. They observe physical objects, phenomenons and then they use abstractation. They take out the ideas that are behind these physical entities. The ideas are used to formulate relations and theories. Thoughts are therefore constructed. Thoughts are not found in the visible world. They are intelligible, but not yet knowledge.
The epitome of truths and reality is knowledge and this is the highest division. Here are principles about the world. They have no physical links, no worldly connections. (much like your deities and gods eh.. o.O) They are constructed by making use of thoughts. From thoughts, relations between thoughts are formed and eventually knowledge is deduced. Knowledge here is pure. It is the ultimate truth and reality in this world, and what we, when seeking knowledge should strive for.
To illustrate these ideas, Plato used the story of the Cave. An important point in the story is when the prisoner is forcifully taken to face the light, the sun and eventually thrown out into the upper world(highest reality). Accustomed to the shadows of the cave, the prisoner is confused, dazzled, and yearns to find what he deems 'real' : the Cave. Regardless that he will eventually realize whether the Cave or the upper world is reality, it is inevitable that he is bedazzled, confused, and perhaps vexed during the conversion.
KI is this tool that helps one travell to and from the Cave and the Upper World. You will decide afterwards what is real and which is the more sensible world. KI is not here to confuse you, nor here to mislead you. Rejecting it out of fear makes you no better than the Athenians who condemned Socrates to death for confusing the public.
So what if KI is the magnetic stirrer that will make you confused? Afterall the pure substance that is truth will not have been synthesized if the solution were not put on reflux.
Remember when you first left your mummy to join your classmates? Or when you first went overseas on your own? No doubt you will be confused, anxious or even intimidated. Yet those are exactly the experiences you laugh about afterwards. No new land can be found without consenting to lose sight of the shore for long periods.
Of course not everyone is suited to take KI. Only those that are curious, courageous, and unwavering in their serach for truth. Is ignorance bliss? If it is not, take KI.
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 4:28 PM:.
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::HAPPY CNY EVERYONE. =]
not like I have much to do for CNY.. my family does not take CNY very seriously. Afterall how to celebrate CNY when all your relatives are in China? Fly back ah? dn wan.
Just want to give a big pat on the back for my class and fac! =p You guys were awesome. I don't know how many times I have heard from people that Athena is a 'loser fac', least enthu, and most boring. Looking at us now, anyone would have noticed a gradual albeit steady improvement in Fac spirit.
Same goes for my class S60! A class with a guy to girl ratio of 4:1, a male population who were mostly together for the past two years, and to be in a supposedly least enthu fac, how wonderful it is to see everyone bonding and working together during CNY!
For some it is difficult to overcome the disappointment of no significant female population after four years of abstinence, the tendency to just resign to the 'loser fac' mentality, the innate inertia, but we did overcome all these obstacles! To be recognized as the most sporting, most dance-savvy, and most united class in Athena is definitely something we should be proud of. Well done guys! So happy to be your Ct rep..hehehe.
..
I couldn't join my class for pool though. Had to train. I have been slacking off again. Simply because there is so much to do in JC. I can be given a whole week off training and still be busy every afternoon with school-related work. Now I have to make time for training, previously going for training was just the normal thing to do if I did not want to be idle.
Actually training has not been horrible at all in JC. Han has given us complete freedom over when we want to train, exemplifying his trust in the maturity of JC boys. I have been getting fitter, hence training is no longer a chore, no longer as exhausting as before. Yet.. what becomes of training if I join MaD/Council/STP(?)? tsk tsk.. a pity I guess. =p
..
someone waited for me while I trained today. =] I am grateful k? In fact I am so grateful I feel indebted to you. =< hehe. What a fantastic CNY celebration it has been. If only everyday was like that. =p meanwhile please get well soon.
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:14 AM:.
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::o.O bleahx. been staring at the computer since 5am.. why? fell asleep at around 6.30pm y'day.. O.o
i've slept so long that those dreams I had near the beginning of my slumber felt distant. In fact they do not even feel vivid or recent.. so how do I know they were real? hmm.. Their lesser degree of vividness and recency suggests I can only trust their existance to a lesser extent. =s still have a ki book review to do.
hehehe.. mann.. sometimes ppl get bad dreams and sometimes they get really good ones. I had a good one. weee.. dreams and reality.. the world we experience in our sleep, the world we face when we are awake.. why do we call one a dream and the other reality..
bla bla bla..
training in.. 2 and a half hours. Hurdles training! waha. I am slightly excited by it really. I have been running well and without discomfort recently and doing hurdles now would be a good challenge. I've been watching Lawrence and JY hurdling recently(while I had to make up my missed trainings). Lawrence is still awesome la. He is practising the A'lvl hurdles now, (1+m leh!) he still skims past it as if it was a B or a C. He is not that tall you know.. hmm.. that makes me look bad if I being taller were significantly worse doing e A'lvl hurdles. =s
ooo.. haha. philosophy is so hilarious and interesting. I found some quotes on the internet from Bertrand Russell.
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is that one's work is terribly important."
"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he says to what he can understand."
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal instead of the victim."
"The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it."
"Never be afraid to have an eccentric belief, every belief accepted now was an eccentric belief." (fyi ..but not all eccentric belief were accepted. )
hehe.::

.:firestarter blogged on 5:36 AM:.
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::it's not fair..
sometimes people get punished for things even after they have admitted their wrong.. in fact they get punished because they admitted their wrong. Since they already showed remorse.. had they covered it up.. probably nothing would happen. But it did happen.
what happens now.. i dn noe. I still like you as much as ever. Unfortunately it slipped my mind for a few hours yesterday.. and now you are wary of me..
My intentions were all good. My actions might have been hurtful, but I never meant to hurt you. seriously. what a bad way to start the weekend.
I was being really stupid.. forgive me will you?
I cant promise I'll never be stupid again..
but i promise I'll never turn my back on you.. and never be stupid forever.
you're the best I've ever had. you do know that right?
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 5:54 PM:.
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::Well you asked for it.. =/
It happend today.. i think it was after you came in for ki lesson. it became apparent though only during training.
I felt calm.. unemotional.. almost dead but not quite. I was.. stoical.. unaffected.. the point is.. when normally I would simply be in raptures being with/thinking about you.. then I was strangely.. nonchalant.
I was scared.. was it gone? From what I gathered from these few days, I was supposed to back away.. give you a little time? don't try to be anything more than you are willing to accept? generally not pushing it.
So I did as I interpreted it.. where previously you were so close to my heart.. you were my heart.. now I tried to push you away. Was I so successful that I killed those feelings? As much as I was confused, disappointed, bewildered recently, I did not want to end this. Yet I could not stir up any strong emotions.. eerily the phrase i just don't love you no more floated around in my head.
did I really feel that way.. but why?? (concidentally sprinting leaves my brain free to ponder these things..) Maybe you killed it! with your non-comittal, yes/no, like you..but.. kinda behaviour. I like to imagine the worst case scenerio.. so equivocal language can be dangerous.
Maybe I was feeling disappointed.. afterall unconsciously or otherwise I have interacted less with acquaitances of the opp gender.. where prev I would tease now I.. dao. o.O so when you said yes.. but dn noe how much.. yes.. but i can nvr be urs.. I was thinking then where does that leave me? etc
haha.. unfair right? Now I realized it was kind of selfish. It seems you have gone thru e same, if not more for me. I still would appreciate some furthur reassurances or signs of affection(u know..*wink*) =p. But if it doesn come, as long as i can still feel/hear/see how you feel abt me I guess it'll do for me for now.
I thought it was gone.. perhaps it has.. or more accurately I think it has evolved again.. into something more mature and natural.
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:57 PM:.
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::

...
I feel foolish.
now i can empathize with all those cliched love quotes.. =D
you learn while being retarded..

::

.:firestarter blogged on 7:04 PM:.
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::oops. I really should read blogs more promptly next time. Let's ignore that if i can while I type out what I wanted to write.
AH.. I am in this state of confused excitement. I am staring at you hopefully yet not knowing what to expect. Every wistful thought I contemplate, I force myself to remember what could happen.. if everything turns out the other way.
At least I am not totally ignorant of what would happen if it went wrong.. You would still make my heart stop.. this time in a painful way. You would still make my head twirl.. but this time I would feel nauseous and look away. You would still make me stammer and mispronunce my words.. but this time.. I rather not speak at all. I probably would initiate the old routine.. this time i even know what it is called and how to get through it. It is called grieving.. for that something that I have lost.. rejection.. bargain.. denial.. acceptance.. slowly I'd forget it all.. and one day we'll meet and greet each other like normal acquaintances. That's where it can go..
That wasn't supposed to scare you.. or anything like that. Not at all. It's supposed to scare me. Afterall emotionally you seem the stronger of us two. It isn't scaring me.. just yet. It flashed across my mind a few times over the course of the convo.. but something else also flashed across my mind.. what if. you said it. or a lesser version of it.. whatever.
I would immediately shout it out so the whole school/neighbourhood can hear it. and if I still feel crazy enough after that i'll grab the nearest friend and tell him what you said. Then i'd ask you to repeat it again just in case. =p That could happen.. unless you don't wan me to do that, then I will just seal all that excitement inside of me.. and let it out slowly when I'm alone. (wait.. sounds wrong.. hmm)
In any case, that is that. I or we really shouldn't let it bother us so much. Lest we let it affect our studies or friends and this relationship really becomes a gateway for worse things to happen.
..and then I read your post..
I am.. half awake so I probably won't be making much sense. Still.. lest I have no time or no need to answer once tmrw is over.. I just want to tell you a few things. Erm.. If I wasn't entirely aware of your difficulties, your post just once again reminded me. For me it is only a problem if we let them to be. I confess that your problems and its impact on those around you were never a mitigating factor in how or why I came to like you. But I can promise you a few things.. whether something is beneficial or not depends on its components, and in this case it is only you and I. We can make it ideal, or we can make it a disaster. Second we are both.. relatively mature and responsible people.. so I won't plead or beg or emotional blackmail you. erhem.. what I mean is go with your heart.. u dn owe me anything.
Any other way.. sure there is.. pretend nothing happend and we can just continue what we've been doing recently.. of cuz. then one and in turn both of our conscience would take a battering.
You probably can think of other ways if you want to..
I need to think of how to finish my chem tutorial..
haha.. one never know what tomorrow brings.. I am waiting.. =/ like the chicken on the farm.. waiting intently for the farmer who could snap its head off just as easily as feeding it breakfast.::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:24 AM:.
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::I AM NOT HAPPY! =< I want that change to THE STP BIO class.. Not sure if it will make me forever happier.. but let's focus on what is making me unhappy first, k? =[
1.MATHEMATICS!!!!
ARGH. I HATE IT. o.o I am not giving up on it, but it is just so damn hard! Understanding math is almost.. almost impossible. First personally I see no usefulness in terms of mathematics. Engineer? NO(we'll get to that later..) Math teacher? NO!! Accountant?? NOOOOO...! In a nutshell, my brain cannot appreciate numbers and arithmetics! Falling in love with numbers? It sounds like a nightmare! O.O (This doesn't justify changing to a bio class though.. read on..)
2.PHYSICS.
I do not hate Physics. Afterall I seriously considered taking physics and hence my choice of taking physics for both STP and SRP tests. Two horrible decisions. I failed miserably compared to most Physics students/PRC Scholars. Concepts-wise I am fine. I am apt at doing simple mathematics too. Knowing mathematics will feature prominently later on though, it is most unprobable I will ever take up Engineering where most physics student ends up in. One more thing I've realized.. I don't hate physics does not equal to I like physics. Enough said?
3.My class!
I like my class! It is.. moderate, relaxed, decent and friendly! haha.. We are supportive of each other and have our own share of fun and laughter. Even then.. we are facing an inevitable break-up. You see.. KI students are mixed with H1 Econs students in my class. Usually nobody chooses H1 Econs.. Hence when JAE comes, most of them will appeal either to upgrade to H2(3H2 ppl) or to drop it completely(4H2 KI ppl with econs as H1). The class will practically be gone by JAE and with the class goes my 'home' for the past month.. Head for pastures anew or stay..?
4.NEW THINGS!
Another realization.. I am actually very conservative! I like to try things out but I hardly takes in anything. It takes a while for me to accept something as my own.. for example.. I only eat at a few canteen stalls.. I like to sit at the same place when eating/studying.. I am not happy if I am not comfortable.. and old things make me comfortable. =] (This has nothing to do with why I want to change class.. but.. wth..)
.
I've sent in an email to mr.koh again..
let's wait and see..
.
note: this seems a good example for the debate on foreign talents. The oversea scholars in Singapore are virtually in a different league in terms of their mathematics and physics abilities. Their prescence promotes healthy competition? hardly.. they're more or less monopolizing subjects like mathematics and physics. Who care to challenge them in their fields anymore? Their prescense demoralizes locals and prompt people like me to give up our fields and take a different career path to avoid them.::

.:firestarter blogged on 4:07 PM:.
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::I feel cheated! o.o why!
=s if you didn't know, I went for MaD auditions! (music and dance) Surprisingly I got kicked out in the first round even though I did not have strong competition. Dejected, disilussioned but still determined =p, I asked my snr from MaD for help. She eventually helped me found out why I was given the boot..
I was caught cheating! o.o
what did I do? you see, the auditionees were split into two groups for the auditions. The same dance were going to be taught to both groups so the second group was told to stay away. I came a few minutes before my turn.. all nervous and bewildered. It was my first public dancing session afterall! Naturally I begged my friends for some help =s
of course they obliged! being good friends. The twins showed me some moves as they have already learned the dance. Apparently twins teaching a handsome hunky dude how to dance was too attention-seeking! I was immediatedly noticed and secretely blackmarked. T.T poor old me wasn't even given a second chance!
CRUEL and HARSH!
but aware of cheating I naturally was..=s I just thought I could get away with it.. the psyche of most petty thieves..
so from now on I will remind myself...
DN PLAY PLAY WHEN DEALING WITH IMPT MATTERS!
.
SRP test tomorrow... =s dn play play.. i shall go study.. or go sleep.. or both..::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:53 PM:.
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