::Well you asked for it.. =/
It happend today.. i think it was after you came in for ki lesson. it became apparent though only during training.
I felt calm.. unemotional.. almost dead but not quite. I was.. stoical.. unaffected.. the point is.. when normally I would simply be in raptures being with/thinking about you.. then I was strangely.. nonchalant.
I was scared.. was it gone? From what I gathered from these few days, I was supposed to back away.. give you a little time? don't try to be anything more than you are willing to accept? generally not pushing it.
So I did as I interpreted it.. where previously you were so close to my heart.. you were my heart.. now I tried to push you away. Was I so successful that I killed those feelings? As much as I was confused, disappointed, bewildered recently, I did not want to end this. Yet I could not stir up any strong emotions.. eerily the phrase i just don't love you no more floated around in my head.
did I really feel that way.. but why?? (concidentally sprinting leaves my brain free to ponder these things..) Maybe you killed it! with your non-comittal, yes/no, like you..but.. kinda behaviour. I like to imagine the worst case scenerio.. so equivocal language can be dangerous.
Maybe I was feeling disappointed.. afterall unconsciously or otherwise I have interacted less with acquaitances of the opp gender.. where prev I would tease now I.. dao. o.O so when you said yes.. but dn noe how much.. yes.. but i can nvr be urs.. I was thinking then where does that leave me? etc
haha.. unfair right? Now I realized it was kind of selfish. It seems you have gone thru e same, if not more for me. I still would appreciate some furthur reassurances or signs of affection(u know..*wink*) =p. But if it doesn come, as long as i can still feel/hear/see how you feel abt me I guess it'll do for me for now.
I thought it was gone.. perhaps it has.. or more accurately I think it has evolved again.. into something more mature and natural.
.::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:57 PM:.
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