::oops. I really should read blogs more promptly next time. Let's ignore that if i can while I type out what I wanted to write.
AH.. I am in this state of confused excitement. I am staring at you hopefully yet not knowing what to expect. Every wistful thought I contemplate, I force myself to remember what could happen.. if everything turns out the other way.
At least I am not totally ignorant of what would happen if it went wrong.. You would still make my heart stop.. this time in a painful way. You would still make my head twirl.. but this time I would feel nauseous and look away. You would still make me stammer and mispronunce my words.. but this time.. I rather not speak at all. I probably would initiate the old routine.. this time i even know what it is called and how to get through it. It is called grieving.. for that something that I have lost.. rejection.. bargain.. denial.. acceptance.. slowly I'd forget it all.. and one day we'll meet and greet each other like normal acquaintances. That's where it can go..
That wasn't supposed to scare you.. or anything like that. Not at all. It's supposed to scare me. Afterall emotionally you seem the stronger of us two. It isn't scaring me.. just yet. It flashed across my mind a few times over the course of the convo.. but something else also flashed across my mind.. what if. you said it. or a lesser version of it.. whatever.
I would immediately shout it out so the whole school/neighbourhood can hear it. and if I still feel crazy enough after that i'll grab the nearest friend and tell him what you said. Then i'd ask you to repeat it again just in case. =p That could happen.. unless you don't wan me to do that, then I will just seal all that excitement inside of me.. and let it out slowly when I'm alone. (wait.. sounds wrong.. hmm)
In any case, that is that. I or we really shouldn't let it bother us so much. Lest we let it affect our studies or friends and this relationship really becomes a gateway for worse things to happen.
..and then I read your post..
I am.. half awake so I probably won't be making much sense. Still.. lest I have no time or no need to answer once tmrw is over.. I just want to tell you a few things. Erm.. If I wasn't entirely aware of your difficulties, your post just once again reminded me. For me it is only a problem if we let them to be. I confess that your problems and its impact on those around you were never a mitigating factor in how or why I came to like you. But I can promise you a few things.. whether something is beneficial or not depends on its components, and in this case it is only you and I. We can make it ideal, or we can make it a disaster. Second we are both.. relatively mature and responsible people.. so I won't plead or beg or emotional blackmail you. erhem.. what I mean is go with your heart.. u dn owe me anything.
Any other way.. sure there is.. pretend nothing happend and we can just continue what we've been doing recently.. of cuz. then one and in turn both of our conscience would take a battering.
You probably can think of other ways if you want to..
I need to think of how to finish my chem tutorial..
haha.. one never know what tomorrow brings.. I am waiting.. =/ like the chicken on the farm.. waiting intently for the farmer who could snap its head off just as easily as feeding it breakfast.::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:24 AM:.
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