::look! a new post! =D
I have not posted much for a while.. Perhaps it was because my life has stopped.. it has changed... restructured.. now it is rewired.. and ready to go. =>
Before we go any deeper into that, I just want to apologize for all my insensitivities.. Do you not hate insensitive people sometimes? Times when someone blatently ignores you for petty, incredulous reasons. Instances when someone sees you but was.. shy. Or perhaps even times when people hurt you without even realizing it.
You know.. We all need to take a hard look at ourselves once in a while, figure out what we are doing, and do a self-evaluation.
I am sorry! Never again shall I be insensitive and ungrateful.
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That aside, let us get into serious business. muaha.. >p These few months have been a life-changing experience for me.. As I proceed from secondary school to JC, I have had lots of things coming at me. Experiences I've craved for now offered to me at my feet. Opportunities I yearned for now awarded to me. Instead of labouring aimlessly for these things, now I am fending them off, trying to figure out what I truly want. In my state of confusion, I have undoubtedly lost some wonderful chances. Somehow I need to learn these lessons the hard way.
If I remember my plan I draw up for myself not too long ago prior to JC, I wanted to achieve and be a leader in JC. I wanted academic excellence, coupled with growth in new areas of life. I wanted to experience what the world had to offer, take them, use them and be someone important. Afterwhich I will use my considerable power to benefit those in need of a helping hand.
Looking back it did seem a tat egoistic and self-centered, but it gave me purpose and drive to improve myself as a person and a student.
Since then many things have happened. I met incredible beings, amazing friends, and helpful teachers. The two incredible beings are the closest friends I have, and I have given my life to. Not very long ago God converted me. I wonder how and why he did what he did. Perhaps I would never know, but neither do I have to know. I simply believe. I do not understand how I will be a good christian or how he will use me, but I have faith that as long as I seek Him and explore, I will find His purpose for my life.
Seriously I probably would make a horrible christian. Our Lord died for our sins and gave us righteousness. Yet my obdurate heart has long been void of guilt, contempt of weakness, and familiar with the dark side of the game. kay.. that might have stretched it a bit. The point is I found it difficult to empathize with the christians who are stricken with guilt and find peace only with the Lord.
But now self-centered, wilful, and cowardice I commit my life to the Lord my God and pray for your forgiveness. I have fallen short of your standard so many times I am ashamed.
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Now is the time to focus. My eyes have been looking at the wrong places for a long time. Now I bring it back towards the finishing line. This post shall bear testimony that I shall follow through what I promised and achieve what I planned and wanted to achieve.
Even though I have passed up on my chance to get into council, a direct result of my own failings, I will take responsibility now for whatever leadership role I already have and is gunning to get. I am embarrassed as I count my shortcomings.. (yet this morning at service I found it difficult to pinpoint one.. =s)
I look forward to fulfilling my potential, living up to expectations, and caring for everyone around me.
I am ambitious and wants new things. I do not feel it is right we gave up all pursuits and seek spiritual gains alone. Spiritual gains is not independent of our physical actions. Letting our lives stay still will not allow us to find new fruit. Only when we seek shall we find. If we were to seek, instead of staying in our comfort zone, we are to explore alien areas and run after new thing.
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.:firestarter blogged on 9:17 PM:.
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::waha. JC life= tiredness. period.
It's a Good Friday holiday today. A perfectly good day to rest and lie around lazily at home.. Of course.. knowing me, that did not materialize. What happend was a day out that included watching an Easter drama production by City Harvest Church OUTSIDE the hall that it was performed in. =s (we couldn't find a seat and had to be evacuated to 'the overflow room' to watch what was happening from a lcd screen.) not the best.. but still acceptable..
a beautiful lady has come into my life... she looks every bit the kiddy immature plush toy u want to hug.. yet is so understanding, and incredibly heart-warming you cannot resist but embrace her. I am blessed...
i <3 u..
CS on wednsday.. =s what the..::

.:firestarter blogged on 11:54 PM:.
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