::I have a problem... I'll pray of course.. but I thought it wouldn't hurt to pen it down too.
This will be about dancing and me. I always liked dancing, but being kinda withdrawn and shy in my high school days I never got the chance to try it. Then college came and dancing was forced onto each and every student. Some whined, some kinda danced, some just ponned. I enjoyed it alot, especially the hip hop faculty dances. Well, no harm then to go for a MaD auditions. True I did not have much experience but haha, maybe it'll be fun.
It turned out to be very embarrassing for me as I realized how experienced some dancers can be (even though when they danced they do not look any better than when I danced. =p) Jokes aside, I thought I did enough to go to the second round of auditions. I did not.
Eventually I found out it was because some MaD senior spotted me talking to one of my friends who had already auditioned before me and blacklisted me. Sian diao. Why me.. I promised myself to go for the second auditions.. For that I had to wait about 2 to 3 months.. But when it came, it came along with council elections, track dilemma, and two research programmes(SRP and NRP). Worse still, on that day itself I had to attend a NRP initiation ceremony right after council elections. No choice I thought, I had to go for the NRP ceremony.
The ceremony turned out to be crap, and the second auditions let in a bunch of average male dancers because too little were admitted in the first round. No disrespect to them though, but I thought I'd deserve a second chance if they got in to MaD.
I did get that chance, though wasn't as I wanted it to be. It was a one-on-one audition with the Hip hop IC and at that time I was still noob and unprepared in terms of real hip hop dancing. To sum it up, I screwed that one-on-one chance up. But how many people can succeed in that stressful situation anyway?
True, some can, and they are those who really deserve to get into MaD. However sometimes I cannot help but wonder how unfair life really is when I observe all the others who got their chance to dance even though they probably do not deserve it.
Perhaps God has other plans for me. Now it's just sad... especially with friends and closer friends who continue dancing away in MaD..
The latest reason I got for not being able to accept me into MaD is that auditions are over and it would be unfair to let me in after the auditions. Sounds really dogmatic, institutional and unmeritocratic to me. i mean what the hell? o.O but again.. I can understand their position.. though I do not agree with it.
Actually I would have chucked this dream away long ago if not for auditioning for Dance IC, and watching dancenight and the upcoming Tapestry. At least that's what I've been trying to tell myself anyways. Truth is, there will always be a part of me that yearns for the rhythm, for the beat, for the movement, and for the powerful emotions each dance move tries to express. That's why I get frustrated still when I see the lucky bums who are in MaD and yet do not deserve it, either due to lack of ability, or lack of commitment to the CCA.::

.:firestarter blogged on 8:04 PM:.
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::Im at home on this Sunday morning...*sob* sick.. albeit a light flu.
It has been so long since I last posted an entry that this blogging thing almost seems foreign to me. JC has been taxing with so much at stake and so many roads you can take. Now in hindsight I think I went down too many paths at the start of the year, culminating in me dropping or failing in about three of those commitments recently.
It still taught me a lot too, invaluable experience. You never know right unless you've done wrong eh?
One of the commitments I still have is Track. At least I think I still have it, my coach kinda shoo-ed me away as if I am a stray pigeon when I tried to sneak in and listen to a mass team talk(I haven't trained at all for weeks). The trackers are so commited that I feel awkward to go back knowing I cannot match their commitment. Pray to God I will have the discipline to train and courage to go back into the team.
Studies have been disappointing. Not that I don't think I can do well, but I am often hampered by either my laziness or messyness that I do not get in enough revision before the test. (Un)fortunately I have a super smart friend who pressurizes me to do well all the time. Not that it's working very well... I am on three Cs and a A currently. No more tests till BLOCKS. Happy...... -.-
KI test on Monday.. I think I already blogged too much... Watched Spiderman3 yesterday! haaaa.. It was a really nice and breath-taking movie. A lot of action sequence and special effects. So much it had the person next to me screaming.. at least 5 times. It is also very touching, and emotional. tear-jerking. =p There's one line.. "We always have a choice, no matter what the circumstances are. We always have a choice, that's why we can choose to do the right thing." Obviously Spiderman is not a determinist.
the whole movie centrals around the theme of justice, brotherhood, love, and a few more.::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:26 AM:.
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