::I am always on the lookout for a challenge.
Don't get me wrong. I am not reckless. I am sensibly fearless and possesses a exotic taste for adversity. I must be careful here, for I am not an anti-conformist. I do not gain joy simply by going against mainstream opinion. Such a joy is cheap and I hold such a joy in contempt. What I am after though is the joy of fulfilling one's destiny. And it requires one to stick to one's own principles, whether they're mainstream or not.
Such a mindset has become a crucial part of my being. It is afterall simply expected of a student in one of the elite schools in his country to be confident of who he is and stands for. However I do not believe only the elites should possess this mindset. (Before we proceed any furthur, by the word 'elite' I mean top students academically.) This belief in the right to one's opinion has been much misinterpreted and misused but still in its most original sense it is a crucial part of any successful person's psyche.
The right to one's opinion neither suggests nor supports the disregard of other people's opinion. It stands for liberty and that liberty means respecting everyone's opinion- yours and others. With this in mind, I've always been happy to listen to opposing views. My conversations with friends have bordered on Catholicism, Christianity, freewill, morality, politics, and many other polarizing issues and I believe my experience has become all the richer because of discussing such issues; issues some people would rather not talk about. The key to a happy end to discussing such polarizing issues is to always put truth and reason above personal ego. It is commonplace that people attach too much emotions to their opinion and end up hurt when their opinions are attacked. A detachment of emotions in such situations often help to keep the discussion a win-win situation where everyone benefits from everyone's ideas. And I have been pretty good at detaching emotions from my beliefs. My religious belief was once Christian before converting to agnosticism and now back to a strong Christian. While I do not expect any furthur change to my religious stand, my previous experience does demonstrate my stand that beliefs can be held and sometimes changed in light of new information.
Yet holding onto your beliefs often requires great courage. Afterall people with divergent beliefs will always try to convince you that their beliefs are more reasonable or socially correct than yours. In this situations that call for great courage, my dependance on God and confidence in my own ability have served me well. Since young I've been blessed with a wilful pride that cherishes whatever opinion I have had. Never one to back down when challenged, I've gone into arguments with peers, teachers, and parents alike over issues ranging from test marks to my right to go out with friends. Yet such an attitude has not always gotten me praise. While I do get occasional praise when a teacher revise his marking scheme because of me, sometimes a tight slap across the face is all I get for arguing about my rights with my parents. Thankfully none of it has discouraged me from thinking for myself and holding on to what I deem reasonable beliefs even in unreasonable situations. While some of my beliefs, such as my agnosticism and my false pride, have since been discarded, they were only rid of after careful evaluation and pondering on my part. Now I am comfortable choosing for myself and justifying my choice in front of others. Some controversial decisions include first quitting my Track team that has been national champions for two decades and joining the soccer team that has never qualified for the finals, second dropping Biology despite studying the subject for two years in secondary school, and recently enrolling myself in 2 most challenging H3s when everyone's fighting for the easiest, shortest H3s to ensure their As. They have all been hard and risky decisions but at least I am happy that they were all thought out by me and I take full responsiblity for them.
Life's not a bed of roses. We are not here to be hedonistic and to submit ourselves to the primitive pleasures of life. I for one believe that there is a right way of doing things. Even if it manifest itself differently under different circumstances, we are not to lose hope and give in to anarchy. What meaning is a life spent chasing fame and fortune? Why be a President and yet have no love for one's people? Life may be tedious and full of sinful distractions, but a firm sense of self worth and the right values will serve anyone well in their journey through life. Everyone has their place and their own version of success. Nobody needs to be a celebrity, a businessman or a somebody. But everyone needs to know life is hard and cowardice will not get anyone anywhere. At least this is what this 18 year old believes.::

.:firestarter blogged on 1:25 PM:.
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::Now is like the dawn of an important war.. the air is thick with tension and every breath is laboured and heavy.
IT IS ONLY A WEEK TILL J2 STARTS AFTERALL! HELLOOOO??? o.O
After a whole year of relative fun and laughter, the crazy hell that is J2 is going to start in a week's time. It's often the defining year of any JC students' career. It is the year many have claimed to be the toughest of your academic career. It's the year where many will be putting in 110% effort to succeed and their every step will be scrutinized by their current schools, by their potential universities and basically by anyone who may find a use for a bright kid like thee. Indeed many crack under the immense pressure.
The competition at the top has never relented. Ever since there was scarcity, there was competition. The limitations that bounds men's existence will always force competitors to come to blows and the finite priviliges shared by the victors. In J2 where the many assessors will finally pass their judgement, the pressure inevitably peaks. If anybody is to be somebody, they will have to work hard and work now.
True enough, people have been working. A few blog entries I came across belied the competition that lies ahead. The amazing maturity of thought and impressive workrate have opened my eyes and raised the bar yet again. I have encountered people that have similar goals and development processes to mine and are apparently even furthur in their development than me. It's like meeting your long lost twin and realizing he's better than you are in every single aspect of your being. Your sense of self-identity would have simply been shattered. Meaningless, meaningless, what is this sadistic pursuit of success but a chasing of the wind?::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:50 PM:.
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::Jealousy.. how horrible a feeling.
it eats you up from the inside.. bit by bit.. chunk by chunk..
it makes you lose your sanity and you go insane ranting to yourself about why you would never do such a thing and why she should know better.
In the end, you come to this sad resignation that whatever has been done cannot be changed and for better or worse you have to move on.
Disgusted and bitter, you wish to find someone better.::

.:firestarter blogged on 9:32 PM:.
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