sweet nothings...

again

2010-01-15T00:01:00.003+08:00

yep second post of e day.
went to the library today.. many days have past since I last went to the library and I managed the resolve to go today because... to be honest.. i didn't have much else to do.
not exactly..
actually i did some reading and analyzing of my future.. which is like my fav past time when excessive time present itself.. and came up with some topics i have to learn... and consequently some books from the library that I must borrow..
one of the topic i came across was on quantum computing and how that can exponentially increase our computing power beyond our present imagination and how that will solve presently unsolvable problems. this computational power present us with the opportunity to cut down bigger problems down to our size... to understand.. to gain insight into the unknown.
one man once said we live today in the information overload age... an age when info is abundant while knowledge and understanding remain scarce... the key to our progress and survival lie in our ability to create the right knowledge before our time is up.. a perpetual problem-solving journey that is life..
I wondered into three second hand bookstores and glanced through their offerings.. anyone who's tried looking for anything in any second hand bookstores will know how confusing it can get... books everywhere... stacked into every inch of space. no electronic catalogue.. just your eyes and your perceptive senses against all the books...
eventually i went to the library and found the books I was looking for... those were really awesome books and I cant believe I found them so easily.. just sitting there as if no one else was the least interested in them.. why didn't anyone else seen their value? will they care? it was then I realized that the masses indeed will remain ignorant.. most can be educated but they will not be curious.. they can be disciplined but will not be inspiring.. the few that are curious, inspiring, courageous, and understanding are destined to be in rare company. few will share their passion.. and theirs is a life of bouts of doubt and anguish in between rare peaks of high achievement and satisfaction.

writing again...

2010-01-14T22:02:00.002+08:00

i'm back..
i need to write and express myself.
right now I feel as if no one around me will listen and understand what I want to say... much less understand who I am... that's why I need to blog, to write, to communicate to an imaginary audience that cares and understands.
not people who are too busy.. or only pretends to care...
i don't really need anyone to see this.. that's one of the reason I blogged here.. instead of maybe at livejournal.
I don't care. it's just me. I'm not normal. That you'll see.

I've been in the army... actually in OCS, alpha... we wake at 5 and sleep at 10.. that's an ordinary day... a good ordinary day...
some days we go on missions... we wake earlier and sleep later... we don battle gear and load our weapons... we get verbal abuse and physical exhaustion.. though we despair we never quit... we languish but never surrender.. we hang on until the day is done.. we stay as alpha warriors, officers-to-be..
then a day will come...when it comes to an end... and this day did come.. and it was time to leave.. not for a destination I had foreseen.. brunei, kranji, logistics, awaits... I was lost and confused.. acted and regretted... worldly thoughts in my head..
in brunei soldiers i led.. as one we sweat and bled.. it was our time to be man.. it was our glory.. our fun.. our time without regret.
back in singapore.. i came home alone.. faced up to reality.. and contemplated my life's goal.. my life has no brevity.. it does have soul.. i can fall and get back up... but there will be no let up.. my wishful thoughts are just that.. I'm not normal and that is that.. men play a fool while I march on.. faith in the future allows life to go on..

Club

2009-03-19T04:43:00.003+08:00

woohoo... went to Phuture today.. haha k i admit it.. it was my first time at a club.. =p though i hope no one could tell..

just had to write e experience down somewhere... haha.. it wasn't fantastic all e way but after a relatively bad start it got better.
we went in as a bunch of 6 guys haha.. not the coolest crowd around but ya.. we managed.. haha.. just drank at e start.. waiting for ppl to get high.. then we started to move around!

gosh we almost got squeezed into pulp as we tried to navigate e dance floor... e music wasn't bad.. e girls were hot... but damn getting grinded by guys while trying to squeeze past them on e dance floor just wasn't going to cut it.
we soon went to zouk to check out e mambo music. haha.. it was... wat we call the kiddy section.. =p sign languages and disco type of lighting just wasn't very appealing... esp to yanming my man. haha he was bored to DEATH w a capital D! i tot it was fun though... and a lot of e other guys thought it was fun too.

but what to do... we went back to phuture in e end and danced e night away.. didn come across too many hot girls.. girls go home early.. and those that stay usually has a boy alr.. tsk... e lesson learnt? move early move fast! if not, bring ur own girl.. haha saw this couple who couldn stop kissing on e dancefloor... wth man... thankfully they brought another fren.. who didn hv anything to do while the couple got it on.

o.. n saw quite a few familiar faces.. haha now i know what they've been busy with..

GIC

2008-05-14T16:43:00.002+08:00

Some time ago, mr.tan quoted einstein and said 'our ignorance is like the circumference of our circle of knowledge'. Our ignorance's always there, always around us.
what got me to think about that quote is this talk I sat through a few minutes ago and the effect it has had on me. It was a great talk of course. Conducted by GIC's HR director, it was highly entertaining and was of great value. I learned a lot about the workings of GIC and it opened my mind towards working for a GIC scholarship.
It wasn't the first time I looked at the scholarship of course. The first time I heard about the schoalrship was actually when my classmate shared with me his ambition. He said he was taking physics and wants to study engineering. Then he added that he wasn't going to be an engineer but rather he was going to apply for the GIC scholarship. I was quite puzzled then, since I had no idea what GIC was. Subsequent contacts had been indirect primarily because I've never considered finance or economics as a viable career for me.
The talk turned my head. I'm looking forward to the GIC scholarship now. It fits rather well with my philosophy of a good career. Its emphasis on social skills, analytical skills, and integrity resonates within me and I felt my pulses jump as he emphasized those points. It was great listening to him, but I need to make sure I get what I want.
Frankly my chances of getting what I want are quite slim. It doesn't help being cursed with an over-ambitious character that seeks the most lucrative scholarships and applications. I want the best, but then again a lot of people share this desire. What distinguishes me is who I am, and I guess that's also the only thing that gives me hope for the GIC scholarship. Truth is, I'm not that confident of my analytical abilities and I'm not great at social skills. Hopefully someone sees something in me. haha.
anyway, I confess that most my posts are exaggerated with limited correspondence to reality. haha. I'm just having fun writing this post. I also came across some other blogs.. and it sort of dawned on me how many people I'm competing with. Outside of hwachong thousands of JC students are applying for scholarships and there are at least a hundred non-hwachong students are top-notch. What makes me think I stand a chance against them? haiiiiz
I really hope I don't get stuck in a local university. No disrespect to NUS but it's just not as appealing as studying overseas.
JC is a horrid place. I should say I'm really behind in terms of preparation for my post-JC life but then to plan early would go against my values of having fun while you can. haha. anyway frisbee training tomorrow.. =s I feel so inadequate in terms of post-JC planning.. but yet so helpless about improving my chances. to heck with it... shall just cope with whatever comes my way. It's really out of my hands by the way.. whatever I've planned is already keeping me busy until at least july. by then it'd be a few weeks before prelims.. and a few months before A levels.
What more can I do to help myself? I feel helpless.. =s haii

Memes

2008-05-09T05:54:00.002+08:00

I have stumbled on my new IS topic. haha. Even though my original topic has already been approved by the Cambridge KI committee, I'm going to twist it abit to suit this new idea.
Ideas are precisely the theme of my new IS. In my IS, I'm going to look at ideas and more specifically, this thing that we call memes. Memes are infectious ideas that hijack our brains. As described first by Richard Dawkins, and then by Daniel Dennett, memes are the ideas that survives. As a student of epistemology, I am looking at memes specifically at its relationship to science.
A generalization I'm going to propose is that all successful ideas of today are memes. The most successful of all would be scientific laws. These laws are reliable and tested. I am not disputing their usefulness, but I'm disputing their truth. An idea does not need to be true in order to be useful. A case in point is the idea that there are human rights. It is a human convention and it may not be true but it is certainly useful. And useful ideas are spread to others and soon it's ubiquous. The most successful ideas are the best memes, not truth.
Truth in fact is beyond our comprehension. Truth, as described in justified true belief, is external and a property that we can check. While it is certainly external, we have no way of checking that it is true. This is because our minds are limited and can only have subjective interactions with nature. In fact our limited brain power make us prefer simple elegant truths that fit nicely with our existing conceptions of the world. Truth is out there and any idea that comes from interaction between ourselves and the world is not truth.
We can not achieve true objectivity. Science is flawed and since the truth sets us free, we will never be free.

An essay on human understanding.. haha just kidding. =p

2007-12-26T13:25:00.000+08:00

I am always on the lookout for a challenge.
Don't get me wrong. I am not reckless. I am sensibly fearless and possesses a exotic taste for adversity. I must be careful here, for I am not an anti-conformist. I do not gain joy simply by going against mainstream opinion. Such a joy is cheap and I hold such a joy in contempt. What I am after though is the joy of fulfilling one's destiny. And it requires one to stick to one's own principles, whether they're mainstream or not.
Such a mindset has become a crucial part of my being. It is afterall simply expected of a student in one of the elite schools in his country to be confident of who he is and stands for. However I do not believe only the elites should possess this mindset. (Before we proceed any furthur, by the word 'elite' I mean top students academically.) This belief in the right to one's opinion has been much misinterpreted and misused but still in its most original sense it is a crucial part of any successful person's psyche.
The right to one's opinion neither suggests nor supports the disregard of other people's opinion. It stands for liberty and that liberty means respecting everyone's opinion- yours and others. With this in mind, I've always been happy to listen to opposing views. My conversations with friends have bordered on Catholicism, Christianity, freewill, morality, politics, and many other polarizing issues and I believe my experience has become all the richer because of discussing such issues; issues some people would rather not talk about. The key to a happy end to discussing such polarizing issues is to always put truth and reason above personal ego. It is commonplace that people attach too much emotions to their opinion and end up hurt when their opinions are attacked. A detachment of emotions in such situations often help to keep the discussion a win-win situation where everyone benefits from everyone's ideas. And I have been pretty good at detaching emotions from my beliefs. My religious belief was once Christian before converting to agnosticism and now back to a strong Christian. While I do not expect any furthur change to my religious stand, my previous experience does demonstrate my stand that beliefs can be held and sometimes changed in light of new information.
Yet holding onto your beliefs often requires great courage. Afterall people with divergent beliefs will always try to convince you that their beliefs are more reasonable or socially correct than yours. In this situations that call for great courage, my dependance on God and confidence in my own ability have served me well. Since young I've been blessed with a wilful pride that cherishes whatever opinion I have had. Never one to back down when challenged, I've gone into arguments with peers, teachers, and parents alike over issues ranging from test marks to my right to go out with friends. Yet such an attitude has not always gotten me praise. While I do get occasional praise when a teacher revise his marking scheme because of me, sometimes a tight slap across the face is all I get for arguing about my rights with my parents. Thankfully none of it has discouraged me from thinking for myself and holding on to what I deem reasonable beliefs even in unreasonable situations. While some of my beliefs, such as my agnosticism and my false pride, have since been discarded, they were only rid of after careful evaluation and pondering on my part. Now I am comfortable choosing for myself and justifying my choice in front of others. Some controversial decisions include first quitting my Track team that has been national champions for two decades and joining the soccer team that has never qualified for the finals, second dropping Biology despite studying the subject for two years in secondary school, and recently enrolling myself in 2 most challenging H3s when everyone's fighting for the easiest, shortest H3s to ensure their As. They have all been hard and risky decisions but at least I am happy that they were all thought out by me and I take full responsiblity for them.
Life's not a bed of roses. We are not here to be hedonistic and to submit ourselves to the primitive pleasures of life. I for one believe that there is a right way of doing things. Even if it manifest itself differently under different circumstances, we are not to lose hope and give in to anarchy. What meaning is a life spent chasing fame and fortune? Why be a President and yet have no love for one's people? Life may be tedious and full of sinful distractions, but a firm sense of self worth and the right values will serve anyone well in their journey through life. Everyone has their place and their own version of success. Nobody needs to be a celebrity, a businessman or a somebody. But everyone needs to know life is hard and cowardice will not get anyone anywhere. At least this is what this 18 year old believes.

MIP..

2007-12-24T22:50:00.001+08:00

Now is like the dawn of an important war.. the air is thick with tension and every breath is laboured and heavy.
IT IS ONLY A WEEK TILL J2 STARTS AFTERALL! HELLOOOO??? o.O
After a whole year of relative fun and laughter, the crazy hell that is J2 is going to start in a week's time. It's often the defining year of any JC students' career. It is the year many have claimed to be the toughest of your academic career. It's the year where many will be putting in 110% effort to succeed and their every step will be scrutinized by their current schools, by their potential universities and basically by anyone who may find a use for a bright kid like thee. Indeed many crack under the immense pressure.
The competition at the top has never relented. Ever since there was scarcity, there was competition. The limitations that bounds men's existence will always force competitors to come to blows and the finite priviliges shared by the victors. In J2 where the many assessors will finally pass their judgement, the pressure inevitably peaks. If anybody is to be somebody, they will have to work hard and work now.
True enough, people have been working. A few blog entries I came across belied the competition that lies ahead. The amazing maturity of thought and impressive workrate have opened my eyes and raised the bar yet again. I have encountered people that have similar goals and development processes to mine and are apparently even furthur in their development than me. It's like meeting your long lost twin and realizing he's better than you are in every single aspect of your being. Your sense of self-identity would have simply been shattered. Meaningless, meaningless, what is this sadistic pursuit of success but a chasing of the wind?

jealousy..

2007-12-21T21:32:00.000+08:00

Jealousy.. how horrible a feeling.
it eats you up from the inside.. bit by bit.. chunk by chunk..
it makes you lose your sanity and you go insane ranting to yourself about why you would never do such a thing and why she should know better.
In the end, you come to this sad resignation that whatever has been done cannot be changed and for better or worse you have to move on.
Disgusted and bitter, you wish to find someone better.

OCIP Chiangmai

2007-11-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Oh yes im back... haha. after a sweet, lovely, fabulous trip in chiangmai, it's a totally different feeling to be at home again.
The internet-access is welcomed. So is the sight of my brother and sister.. =D
-.- not their screeching and yelling though...
Anyway! The purpose of this post is not about any other subject than the trip itself and the people in it.
It's a special trip in many ways.
First it's not a school organized trip and that has added a lot more fun to our itienary. We choose what to do every night and that feeling of being in control can be satisfying by itself. =p Of course there are other aspects of the tip that delighted me too.
The most satisfying aspect is undoubtedly the people that went on the trip with me.
(as listed here: evelyn, tung, cheryl, tannting, bunny, jinnshiun, and nicOh)
We just seemed to connect so well with each other it was like a class reunion getaway with no cliques, no awkwardness, only plain simple good fun!
Moreover, all that fun was achieved while working for a meaningful cause. A house for the homeless in the rural areas of Chiangmai. The homeowners were really sweet towards us. They helped us build the house, helped us relax during breaks, helped fill our stomach with delicious thai cuisine.. what else can we ask for? It was gratifying to witness the house dedication ceremony. While the rest who stayed behind in Chiangmai (I came back early with evelyn, and jinnshiun) will surely have a wonderful time with the homeowners as they complete the OCIP trip, it was good enough for me when the house dedication ceremony, farewell dinner and last night of 'chitchatting' was done.
haiii.. I loved the trip. Love tends to find you that way; unexpectedly, slowly, and unforgivingly. While I am grateful for a wonderous and safe journey, I give thanks for the precious memories that the Lord weaved for me. God's at work all around us. Not only did He bless me with a safe journey, He blessed me with a lovely team, a solution to every problem I faced, a pillar of strength that I can hold onto in moments of need. How did He find me and love me? slowly.. unexpectedly.. and so unforgivingly that I can't deny it.
To end off though.. I miss the trip. Sitting here in front of a computer has its benefits, but it is not as good as spending time with Bob the Builders.. I'll always remember the coma!, the goggles, someone's rendezous, the shopping, and of course the mahjong! =p The past week has been a blast.. would love to do something like that again..
Next monday I'll be off to Japan. Meanwhile I'll miss you people lots. Somehow I don't think you all will do the same especially when the last 3 days are light festival, fireworks festival, and white water rafting.. -.-

Breaking up

2007-07-29T16:44:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I last came back to this blog. I was busy.. Also I have started a diary.. It's different compared to this. This is public. That is private. That feels personal, this feels mechanical and cold. Still things have changed and I felt responsible to at least update this blog.
College life has been really fun. I got new friends, I am playing soccer now, and my teacher visits my blog! haha. I also scored pretty well for my recent block tests. Besides enjoying my nationals, I am also participating in various activities such as Fac committee and NRP. I do look forward to the remaining year ahead. The challenge is definitely there and I am excited. I want to live this JC life with passion and pride. I want to change, and grow. New friendships will be forged and I will shape my future, regardless what determinist may say. =s
One of the most influential person in my life is the Christ Jesus. I have started to entrust my entire life on Him now.. He is my saviour, my salvation from this sinful world. I am not just blurting these things out because they are typical christian behaviour. I feel it. It is this intimate relationship that I have with Him that I am so grateful for. He loved me when I was so unlovely.. I will live His way.
Do you know the person that God used to bring me to Him? It's a she.. it's a beautiful Christian girl called Alycia. She's just lovely from the inside out. A wonderful creation of God and one that I cherish a lot. We broke up though. Yesterday. It's a new phase in our relationship. Not a BGR anymore.
But like all crisis, it's full of opportunities. I'm still(and I presume we both are) quite emotionally unstable, but I'll try to focus myself for the good of both of us. Afterall, there's a Chem test on Monday. o.O

MaD

2007-05-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

I have a problem... I'll pray of course.. but I thought it wouldn't hurt to pen it down too.
This will be about dancing and me. I always liked dancing, but being kinda withdrawn and shy in my high school days I never got the chance to try it. Then college came and dancing was forced onto each and every student. Some whined, some kinda danced, some just ponned. I enjoyed it alot, especially the hip hop faculty dances. Well, no harm then to go for a MaD auditions. True I did not have much experience but haha, maybe it'll be fun.
It turned out to be very embarrassing for me as I realized how experienced some dancers can be (even though when they danced they do not look any better than when I danced. =p) Jokes aside, I thought I did enough to go to the second round of auditions. I did not.
Eventually I found out it was because some MaD senior spotted me talking to one of my friends who had already auditioned before me and blacklisted me. Sian diao. Why me.. I promised myself to go for the second auditions.. For that I had to wait about 2 to 3 months.. But when it came, it came along with council elections, track dilemma, and two research programmes(SRP and NRP). Worse still, on that day itself I had to attend a NRP initiation ceremony right after council elections. No choice I thought, I had to go for the NRP ceremony.
The ceremony turned out to be crap, and the second auditions let in a bunch of average male dancers because too little were admitted in the first round. No disrespect to them though, but I thought I'd deserve a second chance if they got in to MaD.
I did get that chance, though wasn't as I wanted it to be. It was a one-on-one audition with the Hip hop IC and at that time I was still noob and unprepared in terms of real hip hop dancing. To sum it up, I screwed that one-on-one chance up. But how many people can succeed in that stressful situation anyway?
True, some can, and they are those who really deserve to get into MaD. However sometimes I cannot help but wonder how unfair life really is when I observe all the others who got their chance to dance even though they probably do not deserve it.
Perhaps God has other plans for me. Now it's just sad... especially with friends and closer friends who continue dancing away in MaD..
The latest reason I got for not being able to accept me into MaD is that auditions are over and it would be unfair to let me in after the auditions. Sounds really dogmatic, institutional and unmeritocratic to me. i mean what the hell? o.O but again.. I can understand their position.. though I do not agree with it.
Actually I would have chucked this dream away long ago if not for auditioning for Dance IC, and watching dancenight and the upcoming Tapestry. At least that's what I've been trying to tell myself anyways. Truth is, there will always be a part of me that yearns for the rhythm, for the beat, for the movement, and for the powerful emotions each dance move tries to express. That's why I get frustrated still when I see the lucky bums who are in MaD and yet do not deserve it, either due to lack of ability, or lack of commitment to the CCA.

2007-05-06T09:26:00.000+08:00

Im at home on this Sunday morning...*sob* sick.. albeit a light flu.
It has been so long since I last posted an entry that this blogging thing almost seems foreign to me. JC has been taxing with so much at stake and so many roads you can take. Now in hindsight I think I went down too many paths at the start of the year, culminating in me dropping or failing in about three of those commitments recently.
It still taught me a lot too, invaluable experience. You never know right unless you've done wrong eh?
One of the commitments I still have is Track. At least I think I still have it, my coach kinda shoo-ed me away as if I am a stray pigeon when I tried to sneak in and listen to a mass team talk(I haven't trained at all for weeks). The trackers are so commited that I feel awkward to go back knowing I cannot match their commitment. Pray to God I will have the discipline to train and courage to go back into the team.
Studies have been disappointing. Not that I don't think I can do well, but I am often hampered by either my laziness or messyness that I do not get in enough revision before the test. (Un)fortunately I have a super smart friend who pressurizes me to do well all the time. Not that it's working very well... I am on three Cs and a A currently. No more tests till BLOCKS. Happy...... -.-
KI test on Monday.. I think I already blogged too much... Watched Spiderman3 yesterday! haaaa.. It was a really nice and breath-taking movie. A lot of action sequence and special effects. So much it had the person next to me screaming.. at least 5 times. It is also very touching, and emotional. tear-jerking. =p There's one line.. "We always have a choice, no matter what the circumstances are. We always have a choice, that's why we can choose to do the right thing." Obviously Spiderman is not a determinist.
the whole movie centrals around the theme of justice, brotherhood, love, and a few more.

e324

2007-04-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

look! a new post! =D
I have not posted much for a while.. Perhaps it was because my life has stopped.. it has changed... restructured.. now it is rewired.. and ready to go. =>
Before we go any deeper into that, I just want to apologize for all my insensitivities.. Do you not hate insensitive people sometimes? Times when someone blatently ignores you for petty, incredulous reasons. Instances when someone sees you but was.. shy. Or perhaps even times when people hurt you without even realizing it.
You know.. We all need to take a hard look at ourselves once in a while, figure out what we are doing, and do a self-evaluation.
I am sorry! Never again shall I be insensitive and ungrateful.
.
That aside, let us get into serious business. muaha.. >p These few months have been a life-changing experience for me.. As I proceed from secondary school to JC, I have had lots of things coming at me. Experiences I've craved for now offered to me at my feet. Opportunities I yearned for now awarded to me. Instead of labouring aimlessly for these things, now I am fending them off, trying to figure out what I truly want. In my state of confusion, I have undoubtedly lost some wonderful chances. Somehow I need to learn these lessons the hard way.
If I remember my plan I draw up for myself not too long ago prior to JC, I wanted to achieve and be a leader in JC. I wanted academic excellence, coupled with growth in new areas of life. I wanted to experience what the world had to offer, take them, use them and be someone important. Afterwhich I will use my considerable power to benefit those in need of a helping hand.
Looking back it did seem a tat egoistic and self-centered, but it gave me purpose and drive to improve myself as a person and a student.
Since then many things have happened. I met incredible beings, amazing friends, and helpful teachers. The two incredible beings are the closest friends I have, and I have given my life to. Not very long ago God converted me. I wonder how and why he did what he did. Perhaps I would never know, but neither do I have to know. I simply believe. I do not understand how I will be a good christian or how he will use me, but I have faith that as long as I seek Him and explore, I will find His purpose for my life.
Seriously I probably would make a horrible christian. Our Lord died for our sins and gave us righteousness. Yet my obdurate heart has long been void of guilt, contempt of weakness, and familiar with the dark side of the game. kay.. that might have stretched it a bit. The point is I found it difficult to empathize with the christians who are stricken with guilt and find peace only with the Lord.
But now self-centered, wilful, and cowardice I commit my life to the Lord my God and pray for your forgiveness. I have fallen short of your standard so many times I am ashamed.
.
Now is the time to focus. My eyes have been looking at the wrong places for a long time. Now I bring it back towards the finishing line. This post shall bear testimony that I shall follow through what I promised and achieve what I planned and wanted to achieve.
Even though I have passed up on my chance to get into council, a direct result of my own failings, I will take responsibility now for whatever leadership role I already have and is gunning to get. I am embarrassed as I count my shortcomings.. (yet this morning at service I found it difficult to pinpoint one.. =s)
I look forward to fulfilling my potential, living up to expectations, and caring for everyone around me.
I am ambitious and wants new things. I do not feel it is right we gave up all pursuits and seek spiritual gains alone. Spiritual gains is not independent of our physical actions. Letting our lives stay still will not allow us to find new fruit. Only when we seek shall we find. If we were to seek, instead of staying in our comfort zone, we are to explore alien areas and run after new thing.
.

ioweruq

2007-04-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

waha. JC life= tiredness. period.
It's a Good Friday holiday today. A perfectly good day to rest and lie around lazily at home.. Of course.. knowing me, that did not materialize. What happend was a day out that included watching an Easter drama production by City Harvest Church OUTSIDE the hall that it was performed in. =s (we couldn't find a seat and had to be evacuated to 'the overflow room' to watch what was happening from a lcd screen.) not the best.. but still acceptable..
a beautiful lady has come into my life... she looks every bit the kiddy immature plush toy u want to hug.. yet is so understanding, and incredibly heart-warming you cannot resist but embrace her. I am blessed...
i <3 u..
CS on wednsday.. =s what the..

dsaf

2007-03-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

tired... =.= urgh... this is after I 'napped' for five hours in the afternoon...
there goes my Saturday.. Sunday's church.. afterwhich.. I have seven hours before JTS..
I have not made a decision on what to do tomorrow.. There are rough plans and inclinations.. but.. I am flexible. =p
o fine.. I am undecided.. as usual.
[council group mate just asked me to meet tmrw.. wahaa..]
exhaustion.. man I need a break. I can't imagine how bad this is going to get. It is nonsensical amount of commitments for me at this time. Still I believe it is possible to juggle them all. The key remains in personally being organized, efficient, and determined. Having great support is a crucial complementing factor.
i am dead serious man..
-.- or just dead tired..
let's list down the loads of work waiting for me..
1.KI class seminar on the Scientific Method.
2.Put up Table Cloth Gimmicks..
3.Catch up on my schoolwork.. chem bonding tutorial.. understand the new physics chapter.. sort out my mathematics foundations.. as well as my KI essay writing skills and argumentative skills. =s
4. Chemistry Olympiad Test?
5. NRP project..two days a week..
6.SRP RMM on Wed..
7.EASTER on FRIDAY! =D
8.JTS tomorrow..
9.CSM... starting nxt week. =s 400m, hurdles..relays..
10.Council elections on Tues..
...
so depressing.. I do not feel like listing any more tasks..
.
but why hold back? =s If one's ability qualifies one for certain undertakings, why not take them up? Especially when I have taken up none before, it seems reasonable that I should do more to build my credentials and affirm my ability. It is equally sensible to drop current undertakings that are not benefiting me for I have finite energy and time each day.
o Lord.. please do prune my undertakings down to size so I will not forsake things dear to me..

34

2007-03-29T05:52:00.000+08:00

SRP! rofl...
=(
I am seriously ambivalent about the shortlisted SRP list right now... like SERIOUSLY.. for the first time in my life my feelings towards it are so clearly extreme and divided.
When I first read the list I was only looking for your name, (fine I scanned once for mine, but only once!) I almost couldn't believe it when I did not spot your name. Even another few more careful scrutinizing couldn't reveal your name. =s Then I was really sad...
So I scrolled down the message and was just about to click the Back button to leave when all of a sudden.... IN HUG CAP PRINTS... I saw my name. o.o holy shit... lol. Somemore it was as if the two of us were even more pro. Already awarded NRP and shortlisted for SRP. haha. YAY. only bad point was that it stated explicitly that we cannot drop NRP. =s I considered that option.. but well.. ya. nvm now.
Then I came back down to Earth when I realized once again that although now I got in.. someone more deserving and suitable didn't. =(
haiiiiiiii....
council campaigning..
im blabber blubber bloobering...

council

2007-03-29T00:03:00.000+08:00

I have not been posting as regularly right? Want to know why?
I am.. BUSY la..
with what?
Don't you know?
busy with.. COUNCIL LA!
what else? =s
wu liao..
hehe.
It just occured to me that since I am running for council AND I have a blog. I might as well use my blog to reach out a bit. It may not be very effective... so whoever is reading this.. get your Athena friends to do so/vote too!
=>
We have been so busy recently I almost want to break down! Thankfully things have been turning right for me. =p I got a decent 67% for Physics lecture test and did unexpectedly well for my Math test that I have not studied for.
No time.
After Tuesday We'll know.

daf

2007-03-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

ahhh... blogging again.. =] haha. I have not had the time nor energy to do so for a while now.
Finally! I have had some decent quantity(albeit lacking a bit of quality) of sleep. I fell dead on my bed yesterday after confirming the postponement of an overnight team meeting.. and slept again after going for church this morning. [did I mention I recently accepted Christ? =x haha.. shhhh..]
erhem.. watched the Pursuit of Happyness yesterday! haha. supposedly an awe-inspiring film about one self-made millionaire. It was definitely a change from the recent movies I have watched... the bloody.. the kiddy.. to this real-ly o.O kinda film. wahaahaa.. anyway it was very touching! A very real picture of US's downtrodden masses and one man's determined effort to escape it all. That undying flame that drives him forward is what I want. =] [expectedly church seems to make me mellow.. o.o *fidgets*]
Plans for the holidays... I intend to fully catch up in my studies. That will mean revisiting ALL my Math and Physics chapters. =s On top of that Council video MUST be shot! haha. I am so looking forward to it! Track trainings have to be done too. I will start wearing my competition spikes soon! =D that exciting celarrrr... haha. SPH and Caltex could be the few times it will ever be used again. =/ haha.. catch me wearing it while you still can. =p
.

Council

2007-03-06T17:32:00.000+08:00

o.o one more dilemma.
council campaign group. I have been getting a lot of hints today... kay.. maybe just a few. Lcube reminded me MULTIPLE times that.. careful who I am running with. Somebody changed out of her team and formed up a new one. TF bumped into me and coincidentally he needed just one more guy. AND.. e girl that I approached.. happened to be in his team. o.O What to do...
I sort of gave my consent to this other group already.. e 4k group. As comfortable as that group is, it is unfortunately not as potent as my possible new group. Not that my new group is any more charismatic, interesting, but at least it is more balanced. With two girls and one guy currently. An aphelion, two girls from bsp. I know one guy and a girl.. So I probably wouldn't have a problem running with them. I can foresee friction within the team... =s but it could be a good team.. I have not had the opportunity to know them yet.
But i don't have the time le.. I need to give a quick response to them to secure that opportunity and I would have to tell my other team my decision too just to be fair. Neither team will die without me, whichever team I end up to would not kill my chances too.
Making such a decision so early in my probable council career just seem so eerie.. o.o
..better start getting used to making these decisions... =s
how.
.

PHYSICS

2007-03-04T20:34:00.000+08:00

ATHENA! S60! PHYSICS! COUNCIL!
=D lmao. I am like 80% Physics now.. lawl.. and this morning I was still 40% Physics, 60% Biology. Not the hallmark of a good decision maker. =s BUT this is a hard decision! I wouldn't mind if they offered me triple science. =s Except then I'd appear to be a dull mugger with no appreciation of the arts. ... FYI I am NOT a dull mugger with no appreciation of the arts~! o.O argh.
Anyway haha.. Physics will give me a myriad of options when I graduate. Be it local medicine, bioengineering, biomedical sciences, or tissue construction, physics will give me a huge advantage over biology in this aspects. Even in courses that require Biolog a bridging module is readily available in NUS. I do not mind taking it, I do not mind getting my first degree in NUS too. A government local-overseas scholarship is pretty appealing too. =p After I complete my first degree in biomedical sciences/bioengineering/life sciences, I will get my medicine qualifications. A really long period of mugging.. but worthwhile and satisfying nonetheless.
All I need now is some mathematics training. Yep.. I have never been inspired by mathematics.. Yep I got lowest in class for mathematics diagnostic test just a month ago.. That does not mean I cannot do well in Mathematics though. >p I am feeling rebellious again.. rawr.
The deciding factor afterall is still council. I would not want to miss it. Fac comm is simply not the same. Why be a subsidiary of the fac head and lose all the credit? I want that council spot and I feel I can get it. Why not? I need a good team member. Athena council. Whoever is reading this. You know you are going to vote for me when elections come. >]

45

2007-03-04T10:44:00.000+08:00

Physics

2007-03-04T09:47:00.000+08:00

#@$!#@$!#@!
GOD will you give me a hint! o.o ..........*looks around*............argh.
I am totally exasperated by this question! BIOLOGY OR PHYSICS! O.O waaaaaaaaaaaaa.... *goes crazy*
I simply cannot make a decision. Either way it seems a big risk anyways. I tried to understand it in a thousand different ways but none of them is giving me any new insights. *counts* This is already the .. wait.
now...
If i got into THE class, I'll not run for council but I'll try for fac comm. I'll take Biology and achieve academic excellence. =D and do well for track and whatever other commitment I allow myself.
If I fail in my application to THE class, I'll take Physics and run for council?? o.O and ditch track and other committments. I'll spend hours a day on my mathematics and physics while balancing council. =s
My major worry for Physics is that it will be too mathematically-based for me. I could fail! Mathematics have never been my forte and probably never will be. Whatever rosy picture engineering seems to paint will be irrelevent if I tried and failed in Physics. My brain has not adapted to numbers and simply looking at the many formulas H2 Physics will cover already gives me a headache. Mathematics is a vital part of high level Physics.. If I took Physics, whatever I achieve in Physics will be like a patient with a weak heart. Should my heart/Mathematics deteriotes, my whole body/Physics will disintegrate with it. Is that not too big a risk to take?
Or is my Mathematics really as bad as I think it is..
Unfortunately Biology has its pitfalls too. The constant mugging..(look at their piles of notes) the irrelevent syllabus...(It's more on life sciences than anything else.) At the end of the day, Bio is not really more appealing that Physics if not for its dependability and the assurance that I'll get an A for it.
..which is rather important... o.o
So would I take Biology even if I fail to get into STP? Joining S60's counterpart in another fac is not the best option by any means. I'll probably lose my chance at Council, need to adapt to new friends, and completely twist my sense of loyalty to serve my new faculty. What's the point of alleviating my academic burdens, and then have nothing worthwhile to replace it with? the argument that Biology provides academic assurance still applies though.. a tempting argument but one that is not so convincing once I start contemplating life in my new fac. =s
Stay in Athena!! [let's put Physics aside first.] I have great friends in Athena, a supportive class, and a nice bunch of seniors. I have no worries about running for council or fac comm and I'll remain CT rep! =D lol. Should I remain in Athena, I'll have a clear plan for running for council. That's very important, afterall council will give me the correct exposure that could push me up to the next level. I'll defintely stay in ATHENA.. if not for Physics.. =S have you taken a look at the Physics syllabus yet? It is really very scary if you are bad at mathematics/formulas. There are so many formulas and hence so much calculation to be done it is not even funny! (I laugh at a lot of things..but not at physics. o.o )
Bio if application approved, Phy if application fails. Meanwhile let's start council preparations. =D

wer

2007-02-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

Woohooo.. lol. THIRD for touch rug carnival. =p Considering we never practised much.. were over-confident on many occasions.. had to win our first match after sudden death.. we ROCK!
hahaha. ahhh.. it is really a good result, yet I am not that happy with it. Nothing to be ecstatic about. haha. Cuz I know we should have won it. We beat the champion team to get our third position lo.. if we had better practise and concentration. haiii.
We were lucky to get third.. yet we could have won! =p
ahh.. kudos to my team. haha. they rock..
..final note.. I think I totally pissed the champion team off! =X SORRY! omg.. too competetive le. It's just a game la.. hopefully they get over it. hehehe.. but they're snrs.. I guess they won't hold it against me... =/
o well...
relay training tmrw and juggling on thurs. o.O haha. friday's free! too bad no one dances on friday. if that is the case.. I'll have to go train I guess..
meanwhile... shall try to study.
=/ I am not made for mugging... the mugging for chem test has made me really slack up until now. arrrrrrrg.
.. how how how how how. O.O

adf

2007-02-26T21:20:00.000+08:00

grr.. the blog ate up my post yesterday.. just as well maybe.. since it had some stuff written in angst and perhaps is irrelevent again now.
Another part of that eaten-up post was regarding why I chose Bio over Physics.. in summary I need to put in more effort to understand Physics than Biology. Furthurmore higher level Physics involves a lot of Mathematics. In case you are not aware, Math is not exactly my strongest subject. Moreover I had a stronger liking for Bio than Phy anyways.
Not much time in JC to blog/go online/play a fool. Still we must cope. Funny how these things goes. Remember just a while ago you were constantly reminding me to keep up with my schoolwork and not be distracted? Now it seems like my turn to prompt you to do your work and take care of your studies. (Perhaps the reason for lagging behind in ur work is different from mine. =x still..)The workload in JC can be really taxing at times. Inevitably we'll build up a backlog. Just make sure it doesn't get so big that it becomes a significant distraction? I don't know.. someone dn rate me highly as a consoler. =p I care alot though.. so at least that gives me a good foundation to start with?
It doesn't feel good at all when I see you jaded, teased, or confused. Unfortunately I am incapable of alleviating your burden.. perhaps you don't want me to.. it's fine with me. Sometimes people need to settle things on their own. I have complete confidence that you can do it. As much as I don't like to, I'll wait.. and hope.
Get well soon.
..
did I mention I LOVE ooiAG? hahaha... wait. maybe i've spoken too soon. =x

KI

2007-02-25T07:37:00.000+08:00

Watched iwo jima. Yesterday. haha. Can I just say it was a really pervertic and macabre movie? The combat scenes were not exactly emotional or gruesome but the way the soldiers died sure were! There was this guy who was manning a machine gun who got kaboomed by a grenade. His arm was half-blown off! And guess what! What was left of the arm kept twitching and sputtering blood everywhere! lol. Anyone else feel this is exaggerated? Maybe someone can give me a mathematical solution to why normal human blood pressure can not make this possible.
O! and who can forget the Japanese suicide scenes! Besides the irony that they find honour in suiciding while the battle is not yet over, what was unforgettable was how they actually suicided! They took out a grenade each(apparently they rather use it on themselves than the swarms of US soldiers), knocked it on their head and held it against their chest. Strangely even though they were crowded inside a cave, it took as many grenades as there were soldiers for them all to die! Some grenade...
Overall the movie was enjoyable. Haha.. the hysterics from the person sitting next to me apart, the movie was interesting for reminding us the horrors of war and patriotism. It also painted the Japanese WW2 soldiers who are often depicted as pervertic, obdurate, and blindly patriotic in a more humane way. The contradictions and internal turmoil that they faced were typical of most soldiers. The propaganda the soldiers as well as the public were subjected to were cynical and immoral in hindsight, yet it is precisely propaganda that sustains moral and ultimately wars. IwoJima also prompts us to think about the meaning of life. The olympic gold medallist, as well as the us-educated general perished. Like that cute baker, they all left their loved ones to defend a barren island in a losing battle. The sacrifice they made were ultimately for nothing.
.....
..
On another note. [it's zhen jin bu pa huo LIAN btw.. =x] I believe one should never be afraid to test one's beliefs and if one finds them wrong, accept and change them. On the other hand, if one is still convinced after such a test then one's belief will be strengthened and only then can it become a conviction. For without a rigourous test of one's beliefs there appears to be little reason for such strong faith. Perhaps that is why I am usually unafraid to explore new ideas or listen to the other side of the story. I am open to admitting my mistakes and of course confident enough not to be ashamed of making mistakes. Some people are afraid of going for health checks.. some refuse to listen to what people say.. they cling on to their opinion as if their life depends on it. Not a very sensible or reasonable thing to do is it?
Are you afraid someone might pull a trick on you? blindfold you or cloud your judgement?
KI as a subject is inherently neutral..
It does not try to deceive or confuse. It wishes only for you to examine your thinking process, your beliefs and instead of blind faith or puppy love, to believe and love with good reason.
Like they say, there is no right without wrong. One can have no experience of truth without experiencing falsehood. One can not distinguish love without first experiencing infatuation. Without facing, understanding and perhaps eventually defeating your opposition, how can you support your convictions?
In any case, KI does not ask for a decision on any of one's beliefs. It only asks for you to think critically. Period.

KI

2007-02-20T16:28:00.000+08:00

CNY this year has been cool. Somewhat better than last year... =]
Just read through the reading on Plato, and his allegories of Cave and Lines. It is really about his theory of knowledge. The things we perceive to know, to believe, he categorizes them into four divisions. The lowest having the least certainty, reality, or truth, and the highest having the most.
The lowest division is exemplified by shadows. Shadows are not real. Scientifically speaking they are not matter, they occupy no space. Does that mean they are void of reality? Do they not resemble the object that cast them? Does your shadow not tell something about you, however distorted? Hence shadows are somewhat truths, albeit distorted ones.
Moving up we have the next division- beliefs. These are based on our senses, predominantly what we see or perceive. We see a red apple and believe apples are red. They are definitely very real if you are an empiricist who believes and trusts his senses. Yet have you never been tricked by optical illusions before? Are your preceptions knowledge? What you see most true? That would make knowledge all too one-dimensional and simplistic. These are not yet knowledge, in Plato's terms, not yet intelligible ideas.
The next division is part of the intelligible world; the lower two divisions defined as the visible world. Here are thoughts. Mathematicians belong to this division. They observe physical objects, phenomenons and then they use abstractation. They take out the ideas that are behind these physical entities. The ideas are used to formulate relations and theories. Thoughts are therefore constructed. Thoughts are not found in the visible world. They are intelligible, but not yet knowledge.
The epitome of truths and reality is knowledge and this is the highest division. Here are principles about the world. They have no physical links, no worldly connections. (much like your deities and gods eh.. o.O) They are constructed by making use of thoughts. From thoughts, relations between thoughts are formed and eventually knowledge is deduced. Knowledge here is pure. It is the ultimate truth and reality in this world, and what we, when seeking knowledge should strive for.
To illustrate these ideas, Plato used the story of the Cave. An important point in the story is when the prisoner is forcifully taken to face the light, the sun and eventually thrown out into the upper world(highest reality). Accustomed to the shadows of the cave, the prisoner is confused, dazzled, and yearns to find what he deems 'real' : the Cave. Regardless that he will eventually realize whether the Cave or the upper world is reality, it is inevitable that he is bedazzled, confused, and perhaps vexed during the conversion.
KI is this tool that helps one travell to and from the Cave and the Upper World. You will decide afterwards what is real and which is the more sensible world. KI is not here to confuse you, nor here to mislead you. Rejecting it out of fear makes you no better than the Athenians who condemned Socrates to death for confusing the public.
So what if KI is the magnetic stirrer that will make you confused? Afterall the pure substance that is truth will not have been synthesized if the solution were not put on reflux.
Remember when you first left your mummy to join your classmates? Or when you first went overseas on your own? No doubt you will be confused, anxious or even intimidated. Yet those are exactly the experiences you laugh about afterwards. No new land can be found without consenting to lose sight of the shore for long periods.
Of course not everyone is suited to take KI. Only those that are curious, courageous, and unwavering in their serach for truth. Is ignorance bliss? If it is not, take KI.
.

4

2007-02-17T08:14:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE. =]
not like I have much to do for CNY.. my family does not take CNY very seriously. Afterall how to celebrate CNY when all your relatives are in China? Fly back ah? dn wan.
Just want to give a big pat on the back for my class and fac! =p You guys were awesome. I don't know how many times I have heard from people that Athena is a 'loser fac', least enthu, and most boring. Looking at us now, anyone would have noticed a gradual albeit steady improvement in Fac spirit.
Same goes for my class S60! A class with a guy to girl ratio of 4:1, a male population who were mostly together for the past two years, and to be in a supposedly least enthu fac, how wonderful it is to see everyone bonding and working together during CNY!
For some it is difficult to overcome the disappointment of no significant female population after four years of abstinence, the tendency to just resign to the 'loser fac' mentality, the innate inertia, but we did overcome all these obstacles! To be recognized as the most sporting, most dance-savvy, and most united class in Athena is definitely something we should be proud of. Well done guys! So happy to be your Ct rep..hehehe.
..
I couldn't join my class for pool though. Had to train. I have been slacking off again. Simply because there is so much to do in JC. I can be given a whole week off training and still be busy every afternoon with school-related work. Now I have to make time for training, previously going for training was just the normal thing to do if I did not want to be idle.
Actually training has not been horrible at all in JC. Han has given us complete freedom over when we want to train, exemplifying his trust in the maturity of JC boys. I have been getting fitter, hence training is no longer a chore, no longer as exhausting as before. Yet.. what becomes of training if I join MaD/Council/STP(?)? tsk tsk.. a pity I guess. =p
..
someone waited for me while I trained today. =] I am grateful k? In fact I am so grateful I feel indebted to you. =< hehe. What a fantastic CNY celebration it has been. If only everyday was like that. =p meanwhile please get well soon.
.

wee

2007-02-10T05:36:00.000+08:00

o.O bleahx. been staring at the computer since 5am.. why? fell asleep at around 6.30pm y'day.. O.o
i've slept so long that those dreams I had near the beginning of my slumber felt distant. In fact they do not even feel vivid or recent.. so how do I know they were real? hmm.. Their lesser degree of vividness and recency suggests I can only trust their existance to a lesser extent. =s still have a ki book review to do.
hehehe.. mann.. sometimes ppl get bad dreams and sometimes they get really good ones. I had a good one. weee.. dreams and reality.. the world we experience in our sleep, the world we face when we are awake.. why do we call one a dream and the other reality..
bla bla bla..
training in.. 2 and a half hours. Hurdles training! waha. I am slightly excited by it really. I have been running well and without discomfort recently and doing hurdles now would be a good challenge. I've been watching Lawrence and JY hurdling recently(while I had to make up my missed trainings). Lawrence is still awesome la. He is practising the A'lvl hurdles now, (1+m leh!) he still skims past it as if it was a B or a C. He is not that tall you know.. hmm.. that makes me look bad if I being taller were significantly worse doing e A'lvl hurdles. =s
ooo.. haha. philosophy is so hilarious and interesting. I found some quotes on the internet from Bertrand Russell.
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is that one's work is terribly important."
"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he says to what he can understand."
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal instead of the victim."
"The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it."
"Never be afraid to have an eccentric belief, every belief accepted now was an eccentric belief." (fyi ..but not all eccentric belief were accepted. )
hehe.

ds

2007-02-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

it's not fair..
sometimes people get punished for things even after they have admitted their wrong.. in fact they get punished because they admitted their wrong. Since they already showed remorse.. had they covered it up.. probably nothing would happen. But it did happen.
what happens now.. i dn noe. I still like you as much as ever. Unfortunately it slipped my mind for a few hours yesterday.. and now you are wary of me..
My intentions were all good. My actions might have been hurtful, but I never meant to hurt you. seriously. what a bad way to start the weekend.
I was being really stupid.. forgive me will you?
I cant promise I'll never be stupid again..
but i promise I'll never turn my back on you.. and never be stupid forever.
you're the best I've ever had. you do know that right?
.

324

2007-02-08T23:57:00.000+08:00

Well you asked for it.. =/
It happend today.. i think it was after you came in for ki lesson. it became apparent though only during training.
I felt calm.. unemotional.. almost dead but not quite. I was.. stoical.. unaffected.. the point is.. when normally I would simply be in raptures being with/thinking about you.. then I was strangely.. nonchalant.
I was scared.. was it gone? From what I gathered from these few days, I was supposed to back away.. give you a little time? don't try to be anything more than you are willing to accept? generally not pushing it.
So I did as I interpreted it.. where previously you were so close to my heart.. you were my heart.. now I tried to push you away. Was I so successful that I killed those feelings? As much as I was confused, disappointed, bewildered recently, I did not want to end this. Yet I could not stir up any strong emotions.. eerily the phrase i just don't love you no more floated around in my head.
did I really feel that way.. but why?? (concidentally sprinting leaves my brain free to ponder these things..) Maybe you killed it! with your non-comittal, yes/no, like you..but.. kinda behaviour. I like to imagine the worst case scenerio.. so equivocal language can be dangerous.
Maybe I was feeling disappointed.. afterall unconsciously or otherwise I have interacted less with acquaitances of the opp gender.. where prev I would tease now I.. dao. o.O so when you said yes.. but dn noe how much.. yes.. but i can nvr be urs.. I was thinking then where does that leave me? etc
haha.. unfair right? Now I realized it was kind of selfish. It seems you have gone thru e same, if not more for me. I still would appreciate some furthur reassurances or signs of affection(u know..*wink*) =p. But if it doesn come, as long as i can still feel/hear/see how you feel abt me I guess it'll do for me for now.
I thought it was gone.. perhaps it has.. or more accurately I think it has evolved again.. into something more mature and natural.
.

4213

2007-02-07T19:04:00.000+08:00

...
I feel foolish.
now i can empathize with all those cliched love quotes.. =D
you learn while being retarded..

45

2007-02-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

oops. I really should read blogs more promptly next time. Let's ignore that if i can while I type out what I wanted to write.
AH.. I am in this state of confused excitement. I am staring at you hopefully yet not knowing what to expect. Every wistful thought I contemplate, I force myself to remember what could happen.. if everything turns out the other way.
At least I am not totally ignorant of what would happen if it went wrong.. You would still make my heart stop.. this time in a painful way. You would still make my head twirl.. but this time I would feel nauseous and look away. You would still make me stammer and mispronunce my words.. but this time.. I rather not speak at all. I probably would initiate the old routine.. this time i even know what it is called and how to get through it. It is called grieving.. for that something that I have lost.. rejection.. bargain.. denial.. acceptance.. slowly I'd forget it all.. and one day we'll meet and greet each other like normal acquaintances. That's where it can go..
That wasn't supposed to scare you.. or anything like that. Not at all. It's supposed to scare me. Afterall emotionally you seem the stronger of us two. It isn't scaring me.. just yet. It flashed across my mind a few times over the course of the convo.. but something else also flashed across my mind.. what if. you said it. or a lesser version of it.. whatever.
I would immediately shout it out so the whole school/neighbourhood can hear it. and if I still feel crazy enough after that i'll grab the nearest friend and tell him what you said. Then i'd ask you to repeat it again just in case. =p That could happen.. unless you don't wan me to do that, then I will just seal all that excitement inside of me.. and let it out slowly when I'm alone. (wait.. sounds wrong.. hmm)
In any case, that is that. I or we really shouldn't let it bother us so much. Lest we let it affect our studies or friends and this relationship really becomes a gateway for worse things to happen.
..and then I read your post..
I am.. half awake so I probably won't be making much sense. Still.. lest I have no time or no need to answer once tmrw is over.. I just want to tell you a few things. Erm.. If I wasn't entirely aware of your difficulties, your post just once again reminded me. For me it is only a problem if we let them to be. I confess that your problems and its impact on those around you were never a mitigating factor in how or why I came to like you. But I can promise you a few things.. whether something is beneficial or not depends on its components, and in this case it is only you and I. We can make it ideal, or we can make it a disaster. Second we are both.. relatively mature and responsible people.. so I won't plead or beg or emotional blackmail you. erhem.. what I mean is go with your heart.. u dn owe me anything.
Any other way.. sure there is.. pretend nothing happend and we can just continue what we've been doing recently.. of cuz. then one and in turn both of our conscience would take a battering.
You probably can think of other ways if you want to..
I need to think of how to finish my chem tutorial..
haha.. one never know what tomorrow brings.. I am waiting.. =/ like the chicken on the farm.. waiting intently for the farmer who could snap its head off just as easily as feeding it breakfast.

324

2007-02-03T16:07:00.000+08:00

I AM NOT HAPPY! =< I want that change to THE STP BIO class.. Not sure if it will make me forever happier.. but let's focus on what is making me unhappy first, k? =[
1.MATHEMATICS!!!!
ARGH. I HATE IT. o.o I am not giving up on it, but it is just so damn hard! Understanding math is almost.. almost impossible. First personally I see no usefulness in terms of mathematics. Engineer? NO(we'll get to that later..) Math teacher? NO!! Accountant?? NOOOOO...! In a nutshell, my brain cannot appreciate numbers and arithmetics! Falling in love with numbers? It sounds like a nightmare! O.O (This doesn't justify changing to a bio class though.. read on..)
2.PHYSICS.
I do not hate Physics. Afterall I seriously considered taking physics and hence my choice of taking physics for both STP and SRP tests. Two horrible decisions. I failed miserably compared to most Physics students/PRC Scholars. Concepts-wise I am fine. I am apt at doing simple mathematics too. Knowing mathematics will feature prominently later on though, it is most unprobable I will ever take up Engineering where most physics student ends up in. One more thing I've realized.. I don't hate physics does not equal to I like physics. Enough said?
3.My class!
I like my class! It is.. moderate, relaxed, decent and friendly! haha.. We are supportive of each other and have our own share of fun and laughter. Even then.. we are facing an inevitable break-up. You see.. KI students are mixed with H1 Econs students in my class. Usually nobody chooses H1 Econs.. Hence when JAE comes, most of them will appeal either to upgrade to H2(3H2 ppl) or to drop it completely(4H2 KI ppl with econs as H1). The class will practically be gone by JAE and with the class goes my 'home' for the past month.. Head for pastures anew or stay..?
4.NEW THINGS!
Another realization.. I am actually very conservative! I like to try things out but I hardly takes in anything. It takes a while for me to accept something as my own.. for example.. I only eat at a few canteen stalls.. I like to sit at the same place when eating/studying.. I am not happy if I am not comfortable.. and old things make me comfortable. =] (This has nothing to do with why I want to change class.. but.. wth..)
.
I've sent in an email to mr.koh again..
let's wait and see..
.
note: this seems a good example for the debate on foreign talents. The oversea scholars in Singapore are virtually in a different league in terms of their mathematics and physics abilities. Their prescence promotes healthy competition? hardly.. they're more or less monopolizing subjects like mathematics and physics. Who care to challenge them in their fields anymore? Their prescense demoralizes locals and prompt people like me to give up our fields and take a different career path to avoid them.

34

2007-02-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

I feel cheated! o.o why!
=s if you didn't know, I went for MaD auditions! (music and dance) Surprisingly I got kicked out in the first round even though I did not have strong competition. Dejected, disilussioned but still determined =p, I asked my snr from MaD for help. She eventually helped me found out why I was given the boot..
I was caught cheating! o.o
what did I do? you see, the auditionees were split into two groups for the auditions. The same dance were going to be taught to both groups so the second group was told to stay away. I came a few minutes before my turn.. all nervous and bewildered. It was my first public dancing session afterall! Naturally I begged my friends for some help =s
of course they obliged! being good friends. The twins showed me some moves as they have already learned the dance. Apparently twins teaching a handsome hunky dude how to dance was too attention-seeking! I was immediatedly noticed and secretely blackmarked. T.T poor old me wasn't even given a second chance!
CRUEL and HARSH!
but aware of cheating I naturally was..=s I just thought I could get away with it.. the psyche of most petty thieves..
so from now on I will remind myself...
DN PLAY PLAY WHEN DEALING WITH IMPT MATTERS!
.
SRP test tomorrow... =s dn play play.. i shall go study.. or go sleep.. or both..

valentiens

2007-01-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

A few weeks' later it would be Valentine's! OR ai qing chang pao day.. whichever you prefers.. I still had one idea that stuck in my mind since last year though. >p and yeaps I googled and found it!
On Valentine's day GIRLS are supposed to be giving the presents! and on 14th March, White Day, GUYS will THEN return a gift. =D how nice is that...
im not petty ok! just that it would make a guy's life much easier if that was the case. =]
. sleepy. zzz.

2007-01-23T18:33:00.000+08:00

WHAAAA!!! WEEEEE.....!!!
Im high again! =D lol.. dancing gets me high.. like UBER HIGH. It's a form of expression just like any other art forms. Most importantly it involves movement of the BODY! and I guess that's what I am good at.. I am not exactly good with words.. I am not good with NUMBERS o.o... movement.. =D (considering how sporty i am =p) is my niche area!
In case you don't know me that well.. I am not a PURE sportsman.. not a PURE playful boy.. not a PURE SCIENCE GEEK! What am I? I am.. subtle inside.. big.. yet nimble.. raw yet subdued.. haha. Im complicated. =p the point being I have more to me than simple sportsman-ness.
That's where dance and KI comes in. They help me express myself! =D instead of trying in vain to achieve perfect eloquence, mesmerizing penmanship, or a british accent, I can do dance! haha..
unfortunately i got kicked out of e first MaD auditions.. -.= (i wasn that bad! serious!)
I still went for e fac dance sessions though. It's like when you love something so much, you do not need outside opinion to carry on doing it. Funnily the dance ic thought it was shocking i didn get into MaD too =D haha, and told me to go for 2nd auditions.. i guess i'll go. just for e fun of it. =p what's there to lose.. i lost all my face alr.
indeed love for anything is just like that. After the initial infatuations and mood swings, love will emerge. If it is love, it won't change, and you know it won't change. The other half may not believe you.. but that's understandable. What more is there to say? I feel as if i've done all i could. What more can i do? The ball is in your court now.. nothing stays forever.. love's no different. especially when it is not requitted.. some people will stay at a girl's doorstep for years and waste their life away.. i dn believe that. reciprosity. you get as much as you give. i cant give more than i get. if i did, i'd be a fool. do you want to make me a fool?
still.. I'll be there for you.. if you seek me. I wn turn you down.. if you sought me.. even if i decide to hide it inside me.. whenever you call, it will answer.

po

2007-01-21T14:16:00.000+08:00

*
Why are we scared or disturbed by thoughts or images of death? Macabre thoughts disturb us and most of us feel irritated and an aversion for such things. Is there a reason behind this? Do we have an inborn aversion for macabre thoughts? Priori knowledge?
All this occurred to me while I was reading about neuroscience. One controversial event in the history of neuroscience was that of Phineas Gage, a man whose skull was pierced by a tamping iron yet still survived. Controversy was sparked by the accounts that his personality significantly changed after the traumatic incident, that despite regaining conscious minutes after the incident and making a full recovery, the limited damage to his frontal lobes initiated a behaviour change.
What was controversial was first the frontal lobes were previously unlinked to behaviour patterns and second the accounts of personality change of Gage was only made significant and embellished in accounts written after his death in 1960. Before his death, little mention of his behaviour change was documented or talked about. A story or a true case study, the Phineas Gage incident has been more circus than useful scientific research.

423

2007-01-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

a lot of things bug me these days..
some are sophisticated problems.. some emotional.. some intellectual..
some can be solved by hardwork.. others can be solved by pure willpower..
a few needs time.. and there is one that even if i gave all i've got.. it hinges on something else..
something beyond me.
passion for what I want is unusual for me. Normally after I got interested into one thing i would control my yearnings. In turn I would want nothing in particular so when that thing is taken away from me, I won't be so disappointed. One problem is that inevitably with this mindset, that something gets taken away from me. Compounded by the fact that emotions and desires are not things one can consciously suppress, I still experience possibly the same amount of disappointment if I had not tried inhibit my yearnings.
Is that one of the mental limitations I have? I wouldn't know.. yet.
I suppose it is.. which means I need to change. People are attached to things they consider their own. Changing one's charcter entails one loses part of himself and embraces something new, alien or unknown. That means dealing with emotions, cutting relationships and building new ones. People are scared of the unknown. Therefore when people change, they are scared and needs courage.
I have made changes before. Changes need courage. I probably have enough courage to make another change if I want to.
[lol.. first a deductive and then a inductive argument.. or at at least I think they are.]
as you have realized by now.. the above few paragraphs are... crap. haha. loosely connected statements/arguments that are irrelevent to the main point of this post.
Sometimes people like to speak in a cryptic way. They do not want to be open about it because it could be personal, it could be private, or it could be unclear to even themselves so much that they cannot be clear about it.
That is fine.. unless they decide to act upon it despite its ambiguity. Then they have just dug a big hole for themselves. For acting (or NOT acting) based on a ambiguious emotion brings its own problems. The consequences are either you find out what you (don't) want, or you miss out on what you (don't) want without even knowing it. I recommend the first.
bleahx.. I am not even sure I made the point I wana make. Ambiguity rubs off on people.. when one starts to speak in a cryptic way, the immediate friends feel compelled to do so too.. in the end neither gets what each other is really talking about.
it's almost two months.. i need reassurance.. ;)
imagine what happens after three months.. =s

345

2007-01-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

WAH SUP!! haha.. today afternoon was totally fun la! Eventful and JC-like =D ..will try to make every JC day like this! hehe. no matter which fac/class/cca I will be in. ;)
Morning was kinda bore. PE session was just JOGGING and NAPFA TRIALS. I won't complain about jogging because it is not that hard for me. However! I was wearing this north star flat walking shoe! plus BLACK socks. [reason being I had MaD auditions and soccer training later.. which would dirty my socks. or i tot.]
i ran real awkwardly! and the shoes did not help me for the standing broad jump too! a 221cm.. that would get me.. C? sian.
After PE I was totally drained la.. had to struggle through Physics tutorial.. which made me ponder again if physics is for me.. or would I be better in Bio =D However, I felt I needed to give physics a fair trial.. perhaps the latter chapters will be more interesting. Now we are just doing the basics.. the introduction.. bo liao.
nua again.. in the library..
then... i popped up at the MaD auditions registration! =D Saw all the good dancers and posers/fakers there. haha. I CHAO scared. I thought I would do it for fun! but all of them looked so good and different from me that I felt I would be DESPISED or worse still RIDICULED if I went ahead with my venture.
I signed up anyways.. friends helped. =D I have really nice frens.. weee.. i wan more nice frens.. waaa.. you! come here. =p
after that I went to play street soccer. afterall the dancers are not exactly people I usually hang around with. I am.. unpretentious. =p quoting a fren. and dancers need an ego. I saw many auditionees(?) with too much of an ego.. bombast, pretentious... not my type.
SOCCER WAS FUN! only thing was.. I did not bring my boots and my shoes were two size bigger.. (dn ask why) the icing on the cake came.. when my friend pointed out to me I TORN MY LONG PANTS after our game. X.X !#$#!@$# my first tear.. and a big one too. sian. I played with long pants for so long.. first time it torn lor.
anyway I asked my friend for a pair of shorts which he surrendered. SO NICE OF YOU KM! so I borrowed his shorts and worn it back to JC.. where I got changed into my PE attire and went to the track to return his shorts.
On the way back, I saw my grouping! H2(hiphop 2) at... 5.15pm. =s
O well.. have some fun at Track orientation shall we. =D today afternoon also happened to be C1 trackers' orientation. I was in Hannah's group!! haha. which was super super nice because she has a Best Friend in my snr class. hahaha. kajiao her. v fun. wanteng..beiyu..kayier(?).. yingxiu..carolyn.. delphine..minghan.. jeremy.. jonathan were ALL IN MY GROUP! =D so nice..
anyway we played some lame(as in not funny..seriously lame..boring..) games..
wasted one hour before I went to MaD! I got there in time to watch my friends dance. haha
so cool! so nice! SO SCARY. O.O
looking at the pumps, the locks, the twirls, the twists.. I was FREAKING OUT! best part?? my SENIORS RUSHED HERE AND STARTED CHEERING FOR ME! o.o PRESSURIZED LIKE HELL! one even offered to pull strings for me! haha. MAN. stress! weichiming also came to teach me. haha. v nice of them. weichi pop really nice! haha. =p chest pop especially cuz he alot of upper body muscles to pop. I NEED MORE MUSCLES. then i can pop like him too. =p
So dance starts!!
I was filled with embarrassment + excitement + self-consciousness as I lined up with two other guys. Of all those auditioned.. 10% were guys bah? o well.. less competition for me. haha. there were very good breakers though. With so many good dancers I was feeling really inadequate.
NEVERTHELESS dancing is for fun, and just let yourself go. that is what I told myself as I started focusing on the [hot] dance IC. hehe. =p her name's ALICIA! haha. the APOLLO Dance ICs are both really good dancers la. Not only technique-wise also demeanour-wise.. haha. they LOOK and DANCE like GOOD DANCERS. haiii.. envious..
oops.. back to the auditions. four counts of eight! it was actually REALLY EASY. I've realized that now that I am at home. I just practised it a couple more times. It was simple! but at that super nervous context, in front of all those people, the eight counts suddenly felt a lot harder. i couldn rmbr all the steps even till the end.. when we were judged. thankfully I pulled it off.. not with style.. nor with attitude and precision.. I simply did what I had to do and gave it what i have..
I made mistakes and messed up a few steps.. but it was FUN. =D
best of all I had so much SUPPORT FROM YOU GUYS!! haha. thanks alot. hope I provided the entertainment u demanded. =p
now I am just waiting for e results.. hehe.
I went back to track J1 dinner after the auditions.. basically ate and left. trackers.. haha. apart from those in my OG.. I didn get to know many else..
o well. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT CCA SUITS ME! the prominent trackers now are not really my pals.. soccer.. is too tiring with all the long runs. too much committment(worse than track). MaD is COOL! so I am placing my hopes on MaD. and of cuz.. council. haha. =p
aahhh. had loads of fun today. hopefully i'll get to do that tmrw too.. someone's bday is on friday.. =s cant find time to get something decent.. haii. alot of hmwk to do too.. shall blog no more.
waiting... =]

324

2007-01-07T18:05:00.000+08:00

What the.. just when I thought I had a few classmates I already know.. I am transferred to S60!? lol wth.
Anyway.. i bought soccer boots! Lotto Trofeo! otherwise known as the white school shoe boot.. I found it very durable.. compared to the flimsy Puma and not very practical Nike. Adidas was fine.. but its colours were undesirable.. and it was 50%more expensive. I would consider its moulded field soccer cleats though.. for indoor soccer.. it's Lotto for me!
Soccer trial next week.. I think. I have four choices: Track, Soccer, Student Council, MaD, CHI DRAMA! haha. I just thought of Chinese Drama on my way home from Queensway.. I get A1 for chinese.. so why not eh? =p And it only lasts for 3 months so I can join any other CCA after that!
And.. I am no longer as bothered about Bio or Phy as before.. I will wait till March until I make a decision. Afterall it is only then that I have the choice of changing my subjet combinations. Meanwhile I will embrace physics and see if it reciprocates. =]

Class

2007-01-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

S66.. As we are arranged into our respective classes over this weekend I cant help but wonder if I had made the right choice between Bio and Phy.
Biology is my passion and where my passion lies.. ultimately the reason I chose physics was due to its reputation as a foundation for better biological research.
Naturally I should be telling myself that I need to look to the future.. and that this is a decision made with my long-term future in mind. The reality is I feel disturbed as I watch many of my good friends move to Bio Facs.. and I enter the Phy Facs. Phy Facs dominated by Scholars and non-Bio students from High School.. People who have taken Bio and dropped it in JC are few.. which means the number of my good friends going to my JC class are equally few.
It is then that I push myself harder and harder to give a satisfactory reason for going with physics. I am not the most talented with physics.. and mathematics gives me a torrid time. So what made me so confident that I can drop bio and cope with physics for two years and still come out taking bio-related undergraduate courses in a good university?
[in case you are expecting me to have an answer... o.O I don't. I'll post one when I think of it.]

435

2007-01-06T14:09:00.000+08:00

Are men(or women) inherently bad? ..or good?
Sounds like a typical debate topic huh.. this proposition believes... blah blah blah.
Most times debaters have no relevent experience in real life and hence attach no significance to the notion. They debate and argue without feeling for their arguments.
So it works.
But I feel it would be a lot more meaningful if they have experienced it, and then they can draw better examples to support their arguments..
But this is not about debate.. o.O but about whether people are naturally bad.. or good?
Ever experienced hypocrisy? A person who treats groups of people differently? Maybe someone who puts on the best behaviour whenever that someone is with his other half?
Do you think you have someone like that in your life? Suspect you do?
This question do not bother me often at all.. for I do not judge people easily. I will not listen to other people's opinion and just make a judgement based on their point of view. For me, an opinion like that is too unsound. Holding on to such an opinion will only lead one into an unnecessary predicament.
I like to see things for myself. Judge as I observe and interact with the person. Perhaps that is why I never rejected an unpopular person nor warmed easily to a celebrity student. Still.. I get into troubling situations once in a while. What if I have not made a judgement on this person yet, and someone tell me she/he acts in a different way when she/he is not around me? I get anxious. But I ignore it.
Are people naturally good? Hence they put on a mask in front of people they do not like, and since they like me, their innate goodness comes out and they act differently as a result. Or.. are they naturally bad? Only putting on a goodie behaviour when they have identified a worthy target?
humans..

241

2007-01-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

acceptance. =] i think im moving closer to it. haha.
not really resignation.. but a mature acception of the fact that I am rejected during the first intake of STP. Somehow the teachers did not rate me high enough. Acception that perhaps I did not present the best side of me and perhaps.. I have the opportunity to change that.
Sometimes all you need in a difficult situation is a listening ear. I fortunately stumbled upon someone to pour my heart out the last time I was devastated.. Unfortunately this time it was not the same. I could not stumble upon anyone.. thought... thought I had people to talk to.. but it was more one-sided wistful thinking than anything realistic.
Still.. I led myself through the grieving process.. rationalizing my thoughts... accepting the real situation and carefully putting together a new plan. Not easy.. not sure it worked. I guess what really helped was the other people who suddenly talked to me. In a way it forced me away from any lingering attention on my rejection.. and let me know that there are still other people.. caring for me.. and me rejected by STP probably did not rank high on their list at all.
I would like to say that I felt so horrible because I am a winner.. a bad loser who likes to win.. a confident guy who would want to challenge every decision and will never go down without a fight.
Reality is.. I am only an ego kid.. still unaccustomed to rejection.. still unprepared for heartbreaks.. i lie to myself and i numb myself.. I overreact and act too frequently with my heart.. dictated by my emotions.. I am yet able to make wise decisions under pressure.
I run.. while putting up a ruse.. i hide.. behind the mask.
who am I? what can I love about myself? what is the one thing I can hold onto irregardless of the outside world?
Some people have these 'things'.. some do not need these 'things'.. some have but do not treasure them..
when will mine appear..
what now. I still do not know. =/ suddenly tmrw's boring morning lectures look useful..for some serious contemplating and stoning..
damn me if i let this stp ruin my jc life..

234

2007-01-04T21:06:00.000+08:00

continuation..
Why am I grieving.. why should I be unhappy? Just because I am not the top 10% of science student in HCJC? Will I be a lesser doctor/researcher, if I do not get into STP? Yes... o.o no no no! grrr..
I can still be a doctor/researcher.. perhaps a lesser one.. but one nonetheless..
Pride comes before fall.. I assumed I would get into STP.. I did not study as hard as science geeks.. though I have never worked hard for science like the geeks have for the last four years.
I started with a disadvantage and I refused to work hard.
I have no one to blame but myself. Me and my foolish pride caused my fall.. and a hard fall too. I made it a hard fall.. by placing STP+KI as the bedrock of all my dreams I set myself up for heartbreak. Unfortunately the bullet hit right on, shattering my heart and my dreams.
Of course realistically my dreams are not tied to STP admission and they are still within reach. In fact all is not lost. I lost nothing.. though I got nothing too.
Not STP anyway, as I got KI. I expected STP, but got KI.
Another conundrum: I always thought humans(KI) was my interest, but sciences(STP) was my forte. What does all this represent now?? Humans is my interest AND forte????
I am an ARTS STUDENT?? SPITE THAT I HAVE NEVER SCORED AN A1 for humans class tests, and had to REDO MY HUMANITIES RESEARCH PAPER 8 TIMES this year???? I SHOULD HAVE APPLIED FOR Humanities Programme????
Wth...
I need to listen to my heart... that's where my choices are made.. but its useless now.. it was incapacitated by the STP result.. it is not responding to my calls.
A heavy.. and numb heart.
I am trying desperately to protect it.. sensibly I should move on and look at the brighter side and be happy.. but I tied too much emotions to STP.. I know if I let my heart out and open, my emotions will rip it apart..
I want to cry.. to let it out.. but to whom.. and how?
i feel.. disillusioned.. disinterested.. flabbergasted..
I need.. someone..

2007-01-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

ARGH!
o.o I feel as if I got hit by a truck..
I still remember vividly.. mr.koh answering a casual 'no' when I asked him if there's a 'Lin Chen' on the list of STP students. I went into grieving mood from that second..
stages of grieving include.. rejection, bargain, anger, acceptance.
I thought it couldn't be. So I squeezed into the crowd to take another look. Again broke my heart.
I thought there must be someway out of this. Perhaps it was an error? Perhaps I can still get in if I appealed? Maybe I will get in during the second intake? I bargained.. with a imaginary person. I will study hard for the test if you let me into STP! please.. though I don't even know if it is my performance in the selection test that failed me..
next is anger.. I got angry.. sad and desperate. WHY? why did I not study harder? why am I left out? why should I be left out? why did I think I'll get in? I was angry at myself.. at STP.. at Mr.Koh.
Then I should move to acceptance.. but I have not. Talking with people on msn brought me closer to it though. I keep telling myself.. STP is not everything.. So what if you are denied entry.. so what if you are not the top 60 science students? You may not be suited for STP afterall. I still can do PCMKI and I still can pursue a medicine or research career. STP does not represent success. The only road to success it certainly is not. It may not even be the right path for me.
Question is... which path is right for me then?
....

324

2007-01-02T22:33:00.001+08:00

i went to queensway to shop today! still rather tired and yet to pack for tomorrow but I figured I had to post about what happend there.

Two funny events happened.

1.While shopping for shoes, I walked past this shoeshop. At the door were plastic model men dressed in jerseys and shorts. Typical. Suddenly, while walking past these models this guy in front of me, who were with his friends reached out and cheekily pulled down one of the plastic models' shorts! the shorts dropped to the model's feet and the store was left with a rather obscene plastic model at its door.
When I walked past the store again a while later, one more model's shorts was pulled down. =s
haha.. apparently everyone was in high spirits.

2.While shopping for shoes, I met.. Kaiming, Jieyu, Clement. That means a long dist runner, a thrower, a jumper plus a sprinter all together in one shopping mall on the same day at the same time! Can hci trackers be any more united? i doubt so.. what a show of tremendous team spirit!

School is starting tomorrow! I am happy. =]

sadf

2007-01-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

hmm.. true.. true..

----

You scored as Jock.

You are the ruler of the school, so to say. You have girls swooning over your muscles and your skilled in most areas of the sports arena. You know how to play a mean game of basketball.

Jock: 67%
"Ghetto": 60%
Prep: 54%
Emo Kid: 53%
Geek/Nerd: 47%
Hot: 47%
Loner: 40%
Punk: 40%
Goth: 27%
Stoner: 0%

----
You scored as Postmodernist.

Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.

Postmodernist: 75%
Cultural Creative: 75%
Existentialist: 69%
Modernist: 44%
Materialist: 44%
Idealist: 38%
Romanticist: 25%
Fundamentalist: 19%

---

poof

2006-12-30T08:40:00.000+08:00

poof. i am retrenched.. again. =D haha. at least now school is starting so i probably will not go back any time soon.
Still. I have learnt plenty already from this experience, and I will write them here.. now or later. Let's see.. I have worked for a very able yet fun entreprenuer, been under the tutelage of a wheelchair-bound telemarketer, worked with a very short, stumpy, but funny 20+ male secretary, and seen a smoking teenager on crutches take the same job as me and get fired in a month. Did I mention I witnessed my own wheelchair-bound telemarketer in charge get fired too?
And that is just the people in the workplace. The experience certainly opened my eyes to the real world; the world beyond school, beyond fun and games, beyond naivety and ignorance. The world where pain, limitations, and troubles are real and not just childplay. As teenagers we often get caught up in the silliest of things as if the world revolves around us and us alone. It doesn't. Step outside the school and really go into the society, the workingplace, not as a student, just as a normal teenager and you'll see what life for most of us is really about.
We are a priviliged bunch. I am starting to feel that more and more. Previously when I looked at the richer or more talented I would get irritated and disturbed , but now I would count the riches I already have. An able body is already arguably the most valuable possession anyone can have. Add on to that a good academic brain and we're propelled into the 'elite' of the society.
On my last day, this auntie at the workplace asked me which JC I was going to. She was pleasantly surprised when I told her I was going into HCJC and she proceeded to give me her well-wishes and told me how lucky I was and how I should concentrate on my studies(despite questioning me on leaving the job earlier).
All of that just makes me more determined to make the most out of my JC education.. =] I am maturing. =>
---
Note: Have any of you been following what is happening in Iraq? Sectarian violence? People cuddled in barricaded homes? Doubled figure death rate per day? And Iraq is only one of the many violence-fested region in the world- the rest we no longer hear about.
While we can laugh and joke about people, races, and violence during our daily conversation, deep down inside I am saving my prayers for the less fortunate people all over the world.
--
.May we have peace.

a child

2006-12-29T07:22:00.000+08:00

a child.
What words come to mind when you look at a child? adorable? lovable? cute? innocent?
..or idealistic? ignorant?
All of us have been a child once (some still are). It is this unique mix of qualities that distinguishes a child from young adults or even teenagers. A child is always cute, lovable and irresistably adorable (at least to some people =) both physically and psychologically. Therefore they attract indefinite attention and envious looks from all who still reminisce about their childhood.
Yet as cherished and celebrated as they are, when we think of a child we often forget that they do possess less than desirable attributes. Innocence. but more specifically ignorance. Not so much that a child is less knowledgable or lacking intellectual capacity but a child is generally insensitive and naturally ignorant to other people.
Almost like an autistic. [no link..] In spite of the large amount of adoration they draw, they appear oblivious to it. In spite of the love poured onto them, they are unmoved by it. The child does not intend to hurt, only that to him it is incomprehensible. How to handle or reciprocate the love, is again beyond its still limited ability. Oh, the unrequited love.. plaguing so many. ;p
Of course most of the lovers, and adorers, would realize immediately that the child is still a child and proceed to limit or modify their love; love what would usually be unlovable, and forgive what would otherwise be unforgivable. A child would remain adorable in most people's eyes but as long as the ignorance remained, it would also remain detestable to those who poured out their love and expected reciprocacy.
Now how horrible would it be, if someday a child grows up but still retained its childlike attributes? oh... the amount of love and adoration it will draw yet will not treasure nor reciprocate. Perhaps there will not be heartbreaks, but oh.. the amount of heartaches. which is worse?
..and what if.. the child is aware and he is only playing you all? what if the child is a playa? o my..
=p
..
.

for you.

2006-12-28T19:17:00.000+08:00

*wink*wink* meaningful lyrics.

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that theyll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things

-Jack Johnson "We're better together"

I'm so lonely, but that's okay, I shaved my head
...And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard
...But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there
...But I don't care
I'm so horny, but that's okay
...My will is good
Hey, hey hey [x6]

-Nirvana "Lithium"

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control
I've been dropping so many hints
You're still not getting it
Now that you've heard everything I have to say
Where we gonna go from here?

-Sugababes "Push the Button"

I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, babe
But we're notI play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near...
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a frontJust a front, hey
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool, but I'm feigning

-Macy Gray "I try"

..
.

435

2006-12-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

geez.. insomnia.. again! cant believe im still having this shit, even in the holidays. -.- I thought I got rid of it since the eoy exams. o rite.. KI 'exam' tomorrow. Since I don't know what will be tested, I suppose I am under extra pressure and hence this insomnia. At least this is as much sense as I can make out of my situation. -.-
.. what am I doing?
eating gummi bears..
if I screw up tmrw, you know why. Gummi bears did not work.
I hope they do. They're cute, sweet, chewy, why would they not help you write better essays?

546

2006-12-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

Cristiano Ronaldo and I have so much in common! so girls, if you are drooling over cristiano ronaldo, take a look at me k?
lol. bleahx. anyway, seriously! He play soccer, I play soccer. He is a boy, I am a boy. He is tanned, so am I. =D PLUS I just discovered he is 6'1 and 75kg! I am 6'1 and 73kg, so that means he is FAT and I am NOT. In conclusion, I am a leaner chinese version of cristiano ronaldo- luo na duo. =D consider me.. seriously.
.
rain! rain... rain?! walao. it has rained like forever! weeks already? It rained again today. A portent for a stp test! I reached late.. and feeling lazy I (added on to the fact e bookshop was closed) decided not to photocopies of my certificates and just act dumb later in the auditorium should they request them.
When I finally reached the 'waiting area' outside audi, I saw... two distinct groups of boys and girls (haii =s), plus TWO 'quixotic' applicants from other ulu schools. =p and considering the boy was eyeing the girl so often, they looked like they couldn care less for e test anyways. u like apples? how about a date?
=x
.
main point now.. *drumrolls* ny girls v unfriendly! o.o okok. haha. that is not e main point. main point was e STP test! [which took me 2 days to prepare, and STILL i was unprepared cuz what I prepared did NOT come out. -.-] We took chem paper first. I couldn't remember much.. except I had a number of blanks.. moreover my structured questions were.. mostly blank. [e only reason I did not leave them ALL blank was because they do not minus marks for wrong answers for structured, which they do for MCQ. =s minus marks leh, sadistic people eh..] what came next was BIO! I did not rmbr much abt this paper too, cause I basically made up my mind Bio ranked bottom of my priorities. THEN we come to physics, a RELATIVELY EASY paper but what did I do? Influenced by the very difficult structured qn for e past two papers, I did not attempt e physics structured questions until very late into e test. Life being the funny thing it is, revealed the structured physics questions to be JIE JIAO! v easy questions, or gift marks..
competition being intense as it already is [about 100+ ppl turned up for 60places and I suspect ny had more quality candidates since they all eagerly sat in front, good luck guys. =<], I fear my doom!
.
STILL I have a KI test tomorrow! lol. And I am pretty excited by it. Happy at least that I'll be seeing FRIENDS again tmrw. Perhaps not as many as during today's STP test, but I am not a greedy person. =] hehe.
*robot voice* i like people.. i like friends.. i like whoever likes me.. u like me?.. weeeeee.... *robot dance* .... *robot break dance*
.
someone's bday coming up.. prob use some other person's present to give to her. lmao. I am not one who gives present to everybody u see.. haha. only to those who showed their appreciation of me first, and since people should be happy enough that I gave them and not others presents, I am not picky about what I give to people either. lolz.
.
disclaimer: tone of this post is JOKING/CRAPPING. For entertainment purposes only. Read at your own discretion. although some tags to liven up e tag board will be appreciated. level of appreciation will be on a case-by-case basis. =p
.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2006-12-25T00:37:00.001+08:00

lmao. I just have to post another.. post. erhem. haha. While I was watching TV and doing my last post, I totally forgot about my handphone. =p so sorry!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
(esp those that flooded my inbox =p and did not get a prompt reply.. =x)
You are all so special to me! haha. [it's christmas.. => ]
seriously whether you are friends, classmates, primary school classmates, you are all very special to me!
primary school friends.. seeing you bring back so much memories.
same for friends and classmates.. difference being the memories are more.. recent? haha.
ahhhhh.. i luv christmas. =]
..yet I have to study tmrw.. what the..
but... maaaaaaybe.. I can just forget about it just for a lil while. =]
you all made my xmas special! thank you!
.
hehe. =)

456

2006-12-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

WAHAA! It is CHRISTMAS!
Pardon my loss of self control.. hehe. it's christmas and I just watched a romantic movie on tv.. o.O haha.
hope everyone has someone special to celebrate christmas with! =D If you don't, your mummy/daddy is always waiting for you. At least they appreciates you eh. =p
christmas is so beautiful..
so..why is a stupid STP test covering SIX years' worth of books falling on the day after christmas?!? urgh..

2006-12-20T00:09:00.000+08:00

Oww.. Today's track training was imba... T.T I only realized while I was showering just now that the three spine knobs(?) at my shoulder was so sore! It was from the weight that was put onto my shoulders. =/Did I mention I had jelly legs and could not even walk for about 30min after the training session? My thigns were near-spasm the whole day.. they still are. haii.. guess they'll be fine tmrw.. when we get to class chalet. =DIm looking forward to class chalet! It's been a while since we've been together. I think everyone misses each other? especially those like me who did not go for china trips. Although I sort of made up for it with those BSP gatherings.. O well, although I have not spent my holiday alone, 4K is just something different. It is like... home! =D haha. like somewhere where you will always belong~ It is hard to have that feeling.. afterall you have been with your class most weekdays for years.
class chalet coming! christmas coming! german bbq coming!
.I sat beside this girl on my way home today. haha. she was as cute as a button. =p

324

2006-12-18T12:49:00.000+08:00

WTH! MANUTD LOST. O.O I stared.. and stared.. I guess it was meant to happen. I had the gut feeling it will. =/ and who else to score e goal but nigel reo-coker? the captain who had to prove himself or be sold.. urgh. gutted.
class playing street soccer again tmrw morning.. when I'll probably at training.. sian.. guess i'll join e other ppl for field soccer after my training.. what if both soccer sessions clash.. =s sian.. dn wan to think abt it. dn even feel like gg training with all the rain. -.-

track..

2006-12-16T16:05:00.000+08:00

TRACK. (another thing on my mind.. =s)
Yesterday morning when I was at training, lawrence talked to me about training again. 'now would be a good time for you to.. try.. to come more regularly for training.' (sooomething like that..) It was not the first time he talked to me about this, and I always thought I knew better. My mind switched to my prepared script and blurted out that I have other priorities and I am not sure if it is worth it to work hard and sacrifice all others for e team again.
'I always thought track was your first priority...'
I said yes.. it was.
I can hear the disappointment in his voice.. I know I could help the team.. If I work hard again.. it would be for the school, for the coach, for lawrence.. it unfortunately would not be for me. I need a new challenge.. I need to go somewhere I belong.. Track, at least for now, does not feel like home, nor a place that can teach me anything new.
...
a while ago I was looking at the earliest posts on this blog. It was 2005.. I just got "elected" to sprints captain. I was vilified and posted a few posts to express my frustration, dedication to training and my vision for the team. It was funny, and touching at the same time. As I read through the posts, I realized how much I had given track and at the same time how much I had gotten out of it. The raw emotions that were in those posts were something that I could no longer understand and produce.
..
track.. thank you for the memories? =s
at least give me a year's rest to explore new options. *wink*

76

2006-12-16T15:24:00.000+08:00

YAY! I got FIRED! =D hahaha. I think I am the happiest chap a boss ever retrenched.
Actually I was not really fired.. My telemarketing boss was.. and my boss's partner who does data entry jobs told me she'd call me if work came up. haha. so that sort of means you are fired because judging from what I have seen in the last few days of working as a telemarketer, no part-time data entry operators were called back.
That is okay cuz I was thinking of quitting soon anyway. I probably would have lasted one more week. Now that I am 'retrenched' I have time to do other things! Like... shopping! =D haha.. or maybe training. =x soccer?! haha. and of cuz for friends!
Talking about friends I have to mention yesterday. 4K peeps played street soccer again! And it was fun like always. haha. I did not realize I missed everyone so much. Everyone looked slightly different but still the same person underneath. Hongshen shocked me with his.. rather sick looking hair. haha. But he is going to japan for holiday so I guess it suits the trip. [i strongly encourage him to dye back to black when he comes back though.. ] WEichiMing, lilong, jiawei, minzhe, enloong.. waaaa.. We could have played till the sun went down.. but couldn't. I had a primary school alumni gathering. =x
Although everyone was having fun and I would never leave even if I had an exam the next day, I had to go. I promised to attend e primary school gathering, and two person I have not seen for years will be there. I wanted to leave by 4 30pm.. ended up leaving at 6.15pm.. o.O the gathering was a dinner at 6pm at Parkway Parade btw, a 45 minute journey from school minus waiting time. I eventually got home, showered and reached the place by 7.30pm, hungry and exhausted. I had to apologize profusely and I was rushed so much to get there, i totally forgot what to say or how to act when I saw the two friends I have not met in ages.
See the point in the story? =p haha.. it is.. you can never please everybody! ah hah. My classmates and the primary school friends are all really important people to me and are like part of my body. I will never hurt them intentionally yet I had to negotiate a compromise. If you want to please everybody, you will end up pleasing nobody!
shocking but true. haha.
like appointing a malay official to officiate a soccer game between chinese and westerners. you will please neither the chinese, nor the westerners! Does the inability to please both parties means you must offend them both?
=p.

to you.

2006-12-16T14:04:00.000+08:00

You know how people can change? and quickly?
And you can't do anything about it.
Slowly.. subconsciously, or consciously we will let it affect our relationship.
Is there anything anyone can do?
It may not even be you that iniated this change. It may be some outdated info that you never wanted the other person to hear about until perhaps much later. Something you had deemed insignificant but it managed to affect e other person all e same.
Someone spilled the beans to her and now things are out of your control.
It is like watching someone important to you die.. She may not be your world, but she was still someone you treasured. She may still appear e same to everyone else, yet she would turn cold to you. At least that is what she appears to be doing.
Somehow you are sensitive to these things. You see her, and you approach with e same smile and goes to her. She did not say a thing, she would even try to talk to you. You fake a smile, but deep down you feel her reluctance. You don't have her full attention, she is thinking of something else. You walk away.
You think to yourself. Normally i would have ignored such a person. Why do I still bother. All of a sudden she had lost all her beauty and you are looking at her.. as she is. You do not feel appreciated.. That is what you think anyways.
You reminisce about the past, maybe everything will get better with time. You care, and your door is always open for her, she only has to knock. For now, you are slowly hurting and soon growing numb, behind those doors.

324

2006-12-14T19:59:00.000+08:00

If you could lactate to share the burden of your other half, would you? =D lol. I heard from radio, you could actually lactate through medication, and even.. through regular message to stimulate your mammary gland! Would you do it?
I'd consider.. if only the other half appreciates me doing it. hahaha. but all I could think about is this baby sucking on my nipples and how that would feel?! sick! its definitely ticklish.. my firm chest muscles would become.. tender and raw.. glands. o.O ewwww.. and imagine milk trickling out of your nipple. WAHHHH... SIAO LIAO.
---
hahaha.. anyway, I realized one simple rule. Never assume. Conclusion drawn from assumptions than first-hand experience is most likely to be false and hence leading to the incorrect course of action. And when do people assume the most? When they encounter the opposite gender! Guys fall for this the most. All the wishful thinking would start.. They'd assume the girls were peeking at them.. the girls were thinking about them.. or the girls were dissing them.. and angry at them.. Afterwhich they'd end up doing all the stupid things guys do! What do girls do? They smirk and play along. o.O how evil.. they'd enjoy it.. and then when they no longer derive any pleasure from you.. they really ditch you.
Worst still, the guys never saw what was coming. As thick as a log, they'd accept it was their fault and they have not done enough.
shocking but true. haha.
--
-

only for you.

2006-12-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

Actually I did not want to do this post, I have written enough already (3!), read enough too. But I couldn't.. I went to one more blog than I should have... =s
3mins..
1min..
lol im not going to finish this post..
[I wanted to finish that post before 12am.. haha]
-----
I stoned so long because I did not know what to say. I thought it was over. Yet you rekindled that flame, intentionally or unintentionally I do not know. Nor do I know if you wanted to, or if it was for the right reasons.
Sometimes people forget that not only do girls get hurt in relationships, guys do too. Girls cry, guys do too, in private and inside of them of course. I still remember the last time I came out of one of these things, the very sight of her made my heart stop and shrink and sent me into a heart-stopping daze.
--
-
JC's starting in a few weeks. Very soon everyone will be separated and dispersed across the level. Will our friendship still stand? Luckily class chalet is coming up. 4K's last big party I guess. haha. Then everyone would have made new friends, will we remember each other? I am not the only one contemplating this question, nor are you.
--
-.bookreview.com- hahaha.
A book with its twists and turns. The book had a fantastic beginning, enthralling the heart. Content without a heart; yet as he reads on, he found himself in a precarious predicament. One that he knew will signal e end. He slams e book shut. Yet wind blew the pages open again, and he found his heart thrown back in his face. This time the heart was imbued with a tinge of hope, threat, and a challenge he knows he will win. Time will prove it.
-.book of shark bitten hunk.-
-
haha.. fine. random.

43

2006-12-13T23:19:00.000+08:00

People learn from experience. =D haha. most people anyway.. I know some people rather shy away from them. *wink*
There is something vital to learning that only personal experience can provide. This is backed up by literature ok? I read this from.. a certain article. haha. A professor perhaps. =p He talked about learning. You know how parents like to point out the 'right' path to their children all the time? Then start nagging about how they are giving their children all the shortcuts yet their children are not taking advantage of them or not even appreciating them. Looking at it from the child's point of view, by being shown a 'shortcut' he has not learned anything at all. Without going the long way, he does not even realize that this path is a shortcut. He does not understand, he does not learn.
Sometimes there is really no shortcut to success, only hardwork and persistence. Endless courage also helps. If one is afraid to step out into the wilderness, try the unknown, one will not gain the variety of experience needed for one to mature into a complete person. It is only through personal experience, and indulging and fully absorbing that experience, can one truly assimilate the benefits of the experience into oneself. Without a personal complete immersion into the subject, one will not have a complete understanding of the subject. Hence when one learns from another's experience, reading from historical records for example, one is looking at a distorted presentation. One distorted by human limitations, distorted by the historian/other person regardless intentionally or unintentionally. Any belief derived from it is thus dangerously askewed and unlikely to be true. Is that not why we only derive conclusions from a variety of sources? first hand as well as secondary sources?
Seek out the truth, rationalize your stand. Observing events from afar, or literally ge an guan huo (no link de chinese proverd..lol), and then deriving a stand from those observations is like..watching a vegetarian refusing to eat meat and then deeming meat to be something sick and disgusting.
haha. bleahx.
Bringing it back to myself, although I have many basic virtues I stick to, I am most unclear on certain values where relationships are concerned. haha. like zhong se qing you. I just realized from a recent experience how true it was and how immature I still was about certain things. I guess we are growing all the time. Changing all the time.
Don't play play.
..
.

235243

2006-12-13T20:54:00.000+08:00

o.o grr.. people have goals.. motivations. And they act accordingly. Whatever they do, they have a motivation behind their actions. It is when they focus entirely on their own motivation and ignore that of others around them, that they become selfish and endanger relationships.
Sometimes they may not even realize what they are doing, until the moment has passed and the damage is done. Insensitivity.. no one likes it.. yet some people cant help but do it.
forgive.. and forget.. that'll only work.. if all involved forgets.
---
love is like a book. having relationship is like reading a book. It has its twists and turns, its climax and an ending. Bring the ending forward too soon, and it is ruined. Ditto the climax. No one benefits. The book is now without a purpose, it cannot bring you any more joy and you would not want to read it no more...
Trying to read it again is a waste of time. Time better spent looking for another book..
---
Today when I was coming home on the bus from work I saw this uncle. He was chasing this bus that was in front of my bus. He chased this bus for at least 100m. He was sprinting on roads and jumping over humps in a precarious way. He nearly collided with this other bus as he focused on chasing the bus preceding it. And he duly fell. Tripped; and as I watched him use his arms to break his fall, my heart was in my mouth. His hair was white, probably 70+ years of age, and still in such good health. What a tragedy it would be if he had gotten hurt in his chase? A helathy old man in his golden years paralysed while chasing a bus. o.O In any case, he got his bus. He didn seem badly hurt as he got back on his feet rather quickly. Quick enough to swear at the other bus driver before boarding his desired bus.
Best wishes to all old healthy folks. =]
----

234

2006-12-13T09:48:00.000+08:00

lol.. i just read another funny post.. though it wasn meant to be funny but i laugh at alot of things.. =x
You know, sometimes I feel too many people takes too many things TOO seriously. I am not trying to downplay the significance that these things may have to individuals but would it not be better if we forget these minor but important details for a moment and just let ourselves go? Venture into the unknown, the deviant path and see how it goes? It will certainly be more challenging and exciting, and perhaps you'll discover the perceived wrong path can turn out good as well. Why limit your options and draw such a clear line of distinction, as if there are no grey areas. Just like cakes. You'll get fat if you eat them, but if the occasion calls for eating a slice or two, surely you can make an exception? Why rob yourself of a good time because of an opinion? Opinions can change, maybe that is why I do not have many staunch beliefs or faith.
Talking about faith and of course christianity, I feel I have been writing too critically about them, as if I am critical of or dislikes it. I admire some religious people greatly, it is only I write so much about the negative impression of religion I no longer feel good enough to write about the good points. =s The way I see christianity is you cannot take it too seriously. I mean I have not had time to get to know the religion better so faithfuls please do not get offended. For me christianity is a beautful thing, just like a waterfall, calligraphy, or friendship. Beauty is in the eys of e beholder; learn to appreciate instead of critique, see its good points rather than its bad. Calligraphy is really smelly, but shouldn't you be observing the beauty of the strokes instead of the smell of the ink? [ok ok.. im not tat good with anecdotes.. -.-.. im learning?]
From my experience with christianity, I have seen how christianity gave people joy, hope, confidence. If it can lift someone out of depression, give the down and out renewed hope, and make people believe in themselves, why not give it a chance? Indulging in christ is certainly a more worthwhile activity than what most people are indulging in everyday.
It is not only beautiful but fantastic what christianity can do to people. Of my short stint as a christian, I have seen people have sparkles in their eyes when they talk of christ, exuding in confidence and self-assurance at the mention of His name.
In fact, I have seen the crippled walk and the sick cured at the hands of Christian healers. Some of you might already think to yourself how these must be pre-arranged, and I have entertained these thoughts myself, but I do not believe christians will allow that to happen. It will be too disrespectful to their beliefs. Moreover wouldn't it be better to believe in these things than be cynical and call it bluff? The happiness on the people's faces after they were healed were infectious.
Christianity commands a tremendous following, and although not all of its values and rules are practical and agreeable to outsiders, most of them are virtues worth touting about. As far as I know, christianity itself do not promote vices, war, or antagonism, so why not let christianity make the world a better place?
Religious people are not all nuts and free-thinkers are not all hell-goers; people need to distinguish the extremists from the moderates. I still believe most christians are decent people, just like most islamists.
Finally back to the post I read, someone was keeping distance from building relationships with non-christians because it would hurt too much remembering the counterpart would go to hell. [i laughed, i confess.] Does all non-believers go to hell? And does it make a difference if someone converted early, only before he died, or committed to Christ only after turning his back on him multiple times?
anyways, these are moments when all you can think of is telling the other party it is going to be okay... tell me your worries.. I will not go to hell..serious. o.O [kinda hard for a non-believer to comfort a christian..]
--
-
.

25

2006-12-11T10:20:00.000+08:00

urgh.. still stuck at home.. sick. =(
not that fun to be struck down by flu.. the runny nose.. the moutains of tissues.. ewww.
so I am going to post crap today.. haha.
zai bo. haha. crappy enough? You know.. there are all kinds of zai bos in the world. geeky ones, pretty ones, cute ones, .. manly ones. lol. my friend described his girl friend as 'manly'. You gotta be one special girl to be described as manly. =p
Come to think of it.. she gave us directions, opened doors for us, indulged in cheesy pick-up lines, talked abt homosexuality.. =s girls.. so strange.
--
hope she doesn see this post. o.o in case she does, she is really pretty and is very impressive in whatever she does too. =D kk. end.

-

2006-12-10T12:58:00.000+08:00

i have flu.. again.. adriel.. i hate you. -.-
haha..
anyways, I had to stay in bed e whole morning because of my flu. I was not feeling very good at all.. Yet while in bed, it gave me endless time to ponder about myself. Who I am.. What I want..
---
before I go any furthur, can I just make a disclaimer here? I've been posting a few intimate things lately and if you've seen me outside at all, I'm not as cynical, thoughtful, or as any image the previous posts portrays me to be at all. I am a deep.. and troubled person though. =s Aint everyone?
Is it ok if you guys just read this with a pinch of salt? or ignore the long posts.. the short ones are better for everyday reading. =]
---
Anyways, one of the things that came across my mind is this: I have a disregard of how other around me feels; at least to a certain extent. I know I should not post intimate or opinionated posts on my blog but I do not like to care? If I have to be restrained on my blog, I might as well quit blogging.
And this does not just stop with my insensitive posts. Due to work and training, I have not been able to sustain my happy mood for a long period of time. What happens is that, when I am outside with friends, I would turn moody after a few hours. o.O as in seriously a sulk.. haiiii..
Perhaps it stems from my past... when I cared too much of what others thought and kept much to myself. During that time, I was not happy, no one cared about me, I was not laughed at but I was not laughing either.
--
Then something else popped into my mind: Some nonsensical people always call me names, or they would stereotype me. PERVERT.. GAY... SELF-ABSORBED.. WEAKLING.. SLEEPY F#$%.. CHINAMAN.. what's up with that man??? Deep inside I am neither of those. hellloooo?? I am a INFP afterall.. Introvert.. Sensing..Feeling.. Percepting? the point is I am naturally none of those things, I exhibit those traits at times just to entertain those around me. [Sleepy F#%, Chinaman I will talk about later..]
I mean cant you see how dull daily small talk will be if everyone kept to the politically correct and neutral topics? How's studies, you look great.. -.- I'll be bored to death. Moreover I choose the target of my slightly out of line jokes and behaviour, no sick jokes to girls for example? Yet others will leak what I said to other people whom these words were not intended for. You laugh at the things I say, then you turn your back on me and call me a pervert, gay, self-absorbed person?? And you still expect me to carry on my behaviour to entertain you??
Thank you.. but no thanks.
Baisc things that I expect of my friends: Respect; Loyalty; Reciprocity.
--
Next chapter: Friendship.
A good friend said if I were a girl, I'd be called a slut; I suggested male whore.. haha. we talked in a joking kinda way of course.
After reading how pissed off I get at being called names, some might be surprised at why I did not get pissed at being called a slut?
Simple: it was a good friend and we were joking. =]
Had he not been a good friend, I'd give him a stern look and ignore him.
Anyway apparently my good friend has the impression I am sociable with everyone. Not true. At least I do differentiate people in my heart. My best pals that I can trust is only a handful. I trust my track juniors. I am attached to a handful of people that I've been going out with recently. The truth is I do select my friends and I do not grow emotionally attached to anyone as simple as it may seem.
This post is not to offend those not-so-close friends, but is to be an honest reflection of what I value in a buddy, a close friend.
I value loyalty. If you appear friendly and we have fun together one day, but you turn on me and laugh at me the next day, do NOT expect me to snuggle up to you.
I value exclusiveness. I like it when I know I have a special place in your life; it is a Leo thing.. If you have a huge circle of friends, and I am just one of them, do not expect you and I to be close.
I value trustworthiness. If I feel I cannot trust you.. that's it man. (or woman) I'll keep you at arm's length.
I demand respect. (Another Leo thing..) If you slight me..for no significant reason.. I hate that.. and I won't love you no more.
Am I hard to please? o.O Perhaps that is why I have not found many true buddies.. o ya, I like freedom too, if too many friends will tie me down.. hehe >p
---
talking about friends.. banana is worth a mention. =D He cracks me up because he always do those awkward things that is often self-contradictory. I call him a paradox.
Then I realized I am a paradox.. Perhaps even more so than him. Maybe that is why he cracks me up? o.O I do not know..
*achoo* My sickness is getting to me..
--
sorry for this moody post..
it's not you it's me. =P

235

2006-12-10T03:20:00.000+08:00

lolz
I was reading about Pascal's wager and its flaws when I came across this:
"Homer Simpson once pointed this out to his wife Marge, "But Marge, what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!".
..talk about philosophers.. hahaha.. if only everyone of them argued their point int he same funny way homer does! now wouldn the world be a much more happy place to live in.. =P

325243

2006-12-10T02:05:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. what should I blog about... e education fair I just went to? some banana's newfound prowess in terms of interaction with e opp gender? o.O german? or.... christianity. o.o
hahaha.. you know, till this very day, christianity still baffles me. I can read and hear from people from both sides of the story.. my senses will tell me to lean towards atheism, afterall the 'laws' are what is reproduced everyday compared to what is recorded by people. History can be distorted, miracles can be exceptions just like ghost sightings. Men may explain them one day, they may not, but men's failure to explain the exceptions to the rule is insufficient to undo the rule. At least that is what I feel.
That leads me to these phrases I read from e Ki passages again.. we can never be certain that our beliefs are true, and we can never be justified in our beliefs. It seems to be two verities that applies here. Each time I get screwed up by some events, I get reminded of these two propositions. Still, this saying is like the tricky phrase "I am always lying.". If you believe the quote, it means the quote is a lie and hence he tells e truth sometimes.. so if he is true.. he is lying.. and and... o.O The point is if we can never be certain that our beliefs are true, and we can never be certain of our beliefs, then we are not supposed to be certain that 'we can never be certain in our beliefs' and we just end up with a real big mess really... Somehow intellectuals feel this big mess we end up with is better than clear faith some of us have. quoting from a worksheet my english teacher gave me.. "education is moving men from cocksure ignorance to cautious skepticism."
sometimes is ignorance not bliss? o.O
--
hahaha. makes me all the more interested to try out for Ki while at the same time making me doubt my ability to make sense of anything at all.
--
That will be another big problem I am facing now.. the difference between my dreams and my abilities. Yen gao shou di. or something like that. Since I have been in HCI, and more so in the last year, I have been taught to dream big and erase any self doubt. I have reaffirmed these thoughts and now it is almost ingrained in me. While it seems e best bet(abt pascal's bet later) to take me to where I could be and want to be, it possesses great risks. A significant one being the risk of cocksure ignorance towards my own failings. I already failed once in the SL proj I embarked on this year. Indeed my whole group was in this ignorant state until we came crashing down in july.. or was it august. -.- Our mentor repeatedly doubted our abilities and we shut our ears. Critically we failed to reflect and act on the feedback.
i would not challenge the notion that I am not one of the supertalented; not obviously talented anyways. =p I like many things.. sports, academic pursuits, philosophy, science.. I hate nothing, yet I do not excel in any. Jack of all trades but master of none? it is a possibility that scares me. I try to committ to one and just run with it like what Im told to do, but everytime I try to, I scare myself by thinking what if this is not what Im meant to do? Will I get a second chance?
so far it is getting me to nowhere..
get high... haha. e song from FIR suddenly came on.. =x i digress..
I want to achieve, and I want to reach e top. E american dream perhaps? Yet I can feel so many different parts of me that is pulling me in all different directions. I am naturally an introvert and probably would not mind a life of mediocracy or reclusiveness.. Yet I always enjoyed attention and stepping into e spotlight.. I can do sports, but not exceptionally well.. good enough for a game here and there.. How I wish e phrase all roads lead to rome is true? o.O then again.. even if it is true..
It doesn really apply for me, for I am travelling down too many roads.. and I am stuck.
---

goood

2006-12-09T08:38:00.000+08:00

yawn... woke up. And someone's tag made me happy. =]
can I wake up like that everyday? haha. =p
I think I'll continue what I wanted to write yesterday, albeit with some input from your post mei.
I shall write about... RELIGION. Not that I am very familiar with religion or that I am a devoted believer, I am an agnostic. I believe it cannot be proven god exists or not, and hence I have a more or less neutral take on religion.
You see. I have been a christian before. I have.. heard about buddhism from BSP x.x. I have read a little about islam through the newspaper o.O. alright alright I'll stop.
Since I have been a christian before, most of my impression and thoughts of religion stem from them. The good and the bad.
First of all, religious people seem to struck me as complacent. It sounds extreme and generalising, but I do not mean to offend. This is the impression I had when I was turning my back on christianity months ago. The people in my cell group were very inspired christians, very devoted and seemingly happy. They spent most of their time worshipping god and glorifying god. These activities included tutioning others, organizing services, etc. What struck me was that they abandoned what they used to do and committed entirely to the church in the hope of glorifying god. They gave up their ccas, work, and it made me think what they could have achieved if they continued down their original paths? They are only teenagers. If volunteering at the church is already their top priority, what will be of them when they grow up? Hopefully pastors, and theologists.. who knows.
Moreover in their speak everything was attributed to Him, be it success or failure, it was meant to be and we should accept it and see what He has planned for us. For weekly cell group meetings, we used to recount experiences in which He has helped us with during the past week. When I heard them recount their experiences and putting it to God's name, a part of me can't help but feel disturbed. When everything is 'meant to be' and 'planned' and that god will have his reasons, it stops us from asking the Why's and reflecting on our actions. My mentor used to say Failure is just a form of Feedback. If you fail and still believe this is only part of His plan and that you should just keep on doing what you did to make you fail, to me that is not only disturbing, will not help one improve and but is also a somewhat deviant interpretation of christianity. [there is this very good article on Time.com about God vs Science, I challenge any good christian to read it. =]
At that point of time, I simply did not belong in the cell group I was in. After I turned my back to Him, I have realized not every christian approached christianity the same way. In fact, some just proclaim themselves christians and go to church because their parents go to church. Meaningless. Eventually I came to the conclusion the fault does not lie with christianity or religion, but with the way it is interpreted and the way it is practised.
Quoting some Ki passage I read, we can never be justified in our beliefs. How each of us interpret and practise christianity is entirely up to us, and to say which is right or wrong is not only impossible but pointless.
---
Actually I wanted to elaborate more on the good of religion/christianity, but.. my mum wanted to cut my hair... o.O haha.. so now that she is done.. I am in no mood to write any further.. -.=
anyway, the previously mentioned article is here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1555132,00.html
It was the cover for Nov 13's issue of Time magazine. Read it k? =]

34534

2006-12-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

lol.. i cant stop being amused by this post my lovely friend just posted. It is heavily christ-influenced. It is about her being short. Of course it has a deeper revelation as well.
A lot of what she says are true and very logical. In fact it connects with my beliefs and I can relate (although I am definitely not short) to her feelings. I am not going to go deeper into the content of the post but more of the way it was written.
You see, she wrote it from the point of view of a devoted christian. For many atheist, or free-thinkers out there, the word christian immediately brings annoying evangelists who persistantly read proses from the bible to any living person to mind. ewwwwww.. ya? The hardcore christians, whose evangelist efforts although done with good intentions just annoys the hell out of any punky teenager.
I've had a few encounters with these evangelists. One had a debate with me about whether men came from monkeys or by design. (He even asked me to calculate the possibility a man can evolve from a monkey in order to convert me.. math nerd.. =x) I was of course, annoyed and irritated, although I am not an atheist.
On the other hand my friend's post was hugely entertaining and much more persuasive. She would be a much better evangelist if she wants to be one. can I appeal to the not-so-good evangelist to reflect and modify their approach? =< pleaaase? From my limited understanding, god do not advocate anything more than cajoling a person to find Him, why the aggressive approach then evangelists?
If all evangelists were as lovely and polite in their approach as my friend, christianity would be a much more popular religion(not saying it is not already).
---
actually i had some more to say about religion.. o.O but I am.. tired.. haha. too tired to string out decent sentences.. i shall wait... till i am less tired. yes. bleahx.

thoughts.

2006-12-07T19:01:00.000+08:00

poof. it is an awful long time since I posted something meaningful! you know. those long apparently sophisticated pieces that I post once in a while? They may be boring... but did anyone ask you to read them? =p
Anyways this blog is for me.. and considering not many people know about this blog, I shall do some of the boring postings.
---
Now is the holidays ja? What do everyone do during the school holidays? *bingo* they go overseas! for what? fun, laughter, and joy? Holidays nowadays is almost synonymous with oversea trips. If someone asked you where did you go this holiday, and you said nowhere, they'll give you this bewildered look as if you just said something really stupid. Then there will be an awkward silence..
Is there anything wrong with anyone not going for a holiday?? I mean if you are going on a holiday, for me, it at least should be meaningful! If you go for a holiday that is meaningless, that is when I will give you a bewildered look. Holidays do not have to be spent overseas to be a real holiday. Why do people 'sigh' or 'sianz' when they say they are not going overseas during the holiday? o.O For me, I had a very fruitful holiday so far that I doubt I can have if I went overseas.
I am not saying going overseas is completely pointless either. As I mentioned previously, holidays must be meaningful. Going overseas can make you learn a lot, that I agree. I have been overseas afterall. The point is drawing the line where enough is enough. If the point of going overseas is to learn and grow, is going overseas every holiday not excessive to say the least? In fact, you learn less and less with every trip if you approach each trip with the same mindset as the previous one(which is what most people do). Nowadays going overeseas for holiday is more a status symbol for kids than anything I feel. You get this high out of telling everyone where you've been, but if you have not learned from them, they are just places you have been to, not places that make up part of who you are today. What is the point of telling everyone you've been to 15 countries when you cannot remember anything useful or interesting from any of them?
-----
I am going to stop here. =p leave you craving for more. Actually I am a little tired.. from working all day. And my work is actually another topic I want to talk about.
What am I doing posting these posts you ask? I am actually writing down my thoughts. Sometimes I find myself short of ideas, so now I am writing down the ideas that I have.
Why am I doing this? Ideas are simply thoughts unless you do something about them. These posts are my first step.
some topics I will write about..just off the top of my head are... my work experience, my ambition, my subj combi, loooove, track, blogging, myself? I don't know.. I'll think of more interesting ones when I come to it.
This is all just practise for KI selection test btw, haha. considering I don't have much chance without studying for it, I have to do what I can to practise. =p
adios.
---
ti amor.

2006-12-04T23:07:00.000+08:00

PALS

2006-11-29T00:21:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU TO BITS!
Had ANOTHER gathering today- German Class Outing, and it was GREAT. Well it started really awful and awkward and everything, but it ended well.
the outing started at SEOUL GARDEN of all places. It simply reaffirmed my belief that seoul garden sucks! You cant get high there.. the food you have to cook it yourself.. and it costs $20!!? An awful dinner.. though there was a few fun points..
worst thing was some of us had to go after e dinner. so the day was cut short..
and then vic's granny fell and had to go into hospital.. -.- bummer. so she had to go as well.
tried to cheer her up haha. but managed to choke eunice.. who was drinking a big gulp. =/ simply by saying dengue..
she denied that it was bcuz of me, but who cares.
oh yah, did I mention the group split up? like one group went for one movie and the other group went for another movie. our group went for step up.
which was a really cool movie! a pity there was oni two seats left. -.-
we eventually caught the movie at shaw. and I was already sleepy like hell.
anyway, I digress. The main thing was that the movie was really cool, with all the funky beats and dance moves. Funny, romantic, entertaining.
So the day ended well.
And I found a really good buddy in Adriel. He's a nice bloke and really a good sport. The kind I like.
seeing him on friday. haha. im turning gay.. or maybe bi. haha.
.

243

2006-11-25T04:45:00.000+08:00

can you take it all away? the distance between us.
how can you say no. when my heart knows you are the last.
does she know what she's missing? i can hardly contemplate what I missed.
she likes me. or am I living a big fat lie.
that's my story. now its over, and I am glad
I never had a girl like you. yet u hang me out to dry
hate me today. for I am a fool for all I said.
now its over. and i am sad.
damn i hate you too.
.
lmao.. stupid compilation of different lyrics.

fadsf

2006-11-25T00:38:00.000+08:00

I just finished a one week sabbatical at NUS today. it was a wonderful one week. =]
haha. not least cuz I had this 'limp banana' with me. We basically crapped and joked about everything the whole week, AND still managing to do a really interesting experiment, deliver a great presentation, and meet wonderful people in the process. ;)
guess what? Im definitely going all out for STP now. If i was slightly in doubt a while ago, I know now I had to get it. Before I was slightly perturbed that I may put myself into nerdy hell if I got into STP. But now I'd dive into it if just for mi 'neck'. =p
Have I told anyone of 'limp banana''s crash course on picking up girls this week? lol.. k la. for yingzhi's sake I shall sheesh for now.
haiii.. initially I had doubts about this sabbatical too, and it turned out well. sometimes it is those that you have no doubt will delight you that surprises you and turns out a bore. Human perception is a very unreliable thing.
now after this well-deserved break, I am going back to work. =/ training.. track.. about time to call it a day? Anyway, im not working yet, not until I finish my STP application. Boss called me today =s said she wanted me to work overnight today. =p dn even hv over-time pay.. fat hope.
.

kljj

2006-11-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

Hello... Hello..
I have been slowly getting sick of the keyboard recently.. the numberpad more exact.. [no.. i haven picked up dota or any other game for that matter.. ] i got a job~ =] as a typist.. or some may call it, Data Entry officer( or a clerk.. if u prefer.. -.-)
what do I do u ask? I type la.. (see above =x) I enter data from paper.. to convert them into 'a multitude of electronic forms'.
On top of that I also carry the title of... TELEMARKETER. hehe.. those people who sit behind desks and call people through the phone all day. yep that's me.
And guess what?? I got my first pay increase today! =o lolz.
it's a really neat job lo. (dn tell me waiters get more pay.. cuz being a waiter is freaking tiring.. ) I get to work in an air-conditioned office, sit in big comfy chairs, with my desk, and I work whenever I want. =D plus it's like five mins from where I stay. sweeeeeet.
and the boss is really friendly too ;)
.

adsf

2006-11-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

I just finished my German O'levels today! and.... I am suffering from insomnia. =z again..
i dnnn noe whyyy?! but it just happens. I cant fall asleep for NO REASON. o.O I bathed, I pee-ed, I brushed my teeth, I stayed up till midnight, I listened to music, I was NT thinking of anyone, I supposedly have nothing to be stressed about.
and still I cannot go to sleep.
urgh.
i woke up and made a list of e things I'll do before I go to bed again.
1.blog
2.watch some youtube videos
3.write email to zhangcan
4.read some news
5.pee
6.eat
7.drink

if after everything I still cannot fall asleep I'll play computer games till I go nuts..
.wish me luck.
.

342

2006-10-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

who I am deep down inside..
I am super face-conscious.. o.o especially when it comes to emotional matters..
I am afraid of rejection.. x.x I can't accept it.. I have nightmares about it..
I am fickle.. =s I regret my decisions half the time..
I am shy.. >.< My heart is as big as a pea.. it shrinks and strangles me everytime it encounters something new..
..guess that makes me a.... loser! O.o oh mannn...

~~

2006-10-28T13:13:00.000+08:00

Now that secondary school life is over... sort of.. I thought I might do one of those reflections thing that everyone else seems to be doing. =]
so here we go.. back to four years ago..
secondary 1.. *drumroll* me.. in secondary 1. I can't remember.. =z I was often the quiet guy in the class. I didn't make alot of things happen.. and not a lot of things happend to me. Training was horrible. I hardly get any faster. Although I came close to competing in Nationals. (then again, the same year I also qualified for the finals during a lesser competition, and got myself disqualified during the finals..hmmm) Third Language was.. the only escape from the strange intense new school I found myself in.. I still remember taking a photograph with my parents in the school compound before I was admitted to the school..
secondary 2.. same as secondary 1.
secondary 3.. I got into BSP! I opened up more! I had a okay time at BSP camp? LuoHanYu... oh ya. and I emceed horribly during the camp. Talk about leaving a first impression.. Did I mention I improved superbly for my track timings? I was breaking personal best timings all the time and shot up the rankings in the team. I also became the sprints captain.. and won bronze in nationals. =] (my best and only individual medal.. -.-)
secondary 4! fantastic year really. So much happened.. I started the Beauty Up My Life group.. chengyi as 'advisor'.. I was in pday prelim2 for e first time in my life.. I chose a research paper mentor from hell.. Aedes Mosquito nearly killed me.. My coach told me I have mentality problem.. BUT despite all that, I ended the year with a MSG of 1.00 for e first time EVER! =D and did I mention the people of 4K was fantastic? Maybe I'll dedicate another post just for the people of 4K =] 4K is unbelievably united, funny, talented, and simply e best in everything (if not studies..but who cares?)

4353

2006-10-27T01:07:00.000+08:00

..looks over at the tagboard.. =s seriously.. i have no idea who is so persistent imitating me..
anyway, school is.. over? (again? -.-) Well today is supposedly the day that school is truly OVER. We have graduated! (without a graduation certificate or whatever..) We have no more lessons! (but still more exams... -.-)
Not a hell of a difference if you ask me.. We have, afterall been enjoying holidaying in class for the past few weeks already. In fact, the next few days, the days AFTER school has ended, will be one of the more stressful times in recent weeks!
no holidaying for me... =s o ya.. n what's in the queue should i get over studying for O'level Chinese AND German? hmmm.. more studying to prepare for JC selection tests.. and... *drumrolls* traaaiinnning. *Gasps* oh em gee...

234

2006-10-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

wo shi shen..
haha.. 1.oo man!! When I heard the news I nearly shouted for joy! My heart was in my throat and I felt as light as a feather... and I felt an unstoppable urge to celebrate!
So i did.. with soccer! Unfortunately we chose field soccer.. and with hindsight, that was indeed a stupid decision.. which jiawei is still regretting right at this very moment.. 8 hours after the decision was made.
Anyway, wondering why I am so happy to achieve 1.00? A perfect score?
Of course, it would not have been such a big deal if everything was within my control.. My IH results was repeatedly jeopardized by my HRP.. then by teachers who forgot to submit my ACE o.o.. and by ME, who inexplicably screwed up his only chance to revive his HRP by screwing up during Oral Defence.
You'd think after all that, I was hopeless and done for. Apparently not, as I again redeemed myself and got my first perfect academic grade since I joined the then chinese high... =] hmmm....
who's the man!! damnit im good.. hahaha.. =p

324

2006-10-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

damnn.. another disappointing paper in Physics. A paltry 84% that was surpassed by siqing, gumiao, and many more. A blessing then that i am not likely to take Physics next year whatever happens. Still I could encounter Physics again.. if.. i set my mind on STP..
Lets move on shall we? to the happy stuff!
=D
Guess what I scored for English peeps!! My heart nearly jumped out of my throat as I waited for my english papers..(not helped by hongshen who was hitting my head from behind and trying to accuse jiawei for it)
one by one.. my different components of english papers came to me.. 23, 18, 26, 15..
then i went.. OH EM GEE...
am I freaking awesome.. or am I freaking.. awesome. o.o
haha.. this paper is the only paper I scored ABOVE expectation. I knew i'd do well, but to do SO well? I was flattered. hehe.
This is only the begining of a long and tedious journey.. this A1 is my starting block. I shall push on it, and accelerate to top speed as fast as possible. Because if I don't, I would lose the race, no doubt about it.
And I will not lose this race.
.
o.O and this does not necessarily mean I am GOING FOR TRAINING NEXT WEEK! what the.. haii. someone convince me not to go...

3245

2006-10-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

hello hello... =]
a side glance at my tag board reveals... still no posts!? abit sad... some joker go make me happy leh. ^.^
anyway... exam results.. nothing to be too happy about yet. Only expected disappointment in chemistry.. with a shocking A2- 70.5%.
The two papers we got back today were biology and mathematics.
Bio was ok, like expected.
Mathematics was scary and abit surprising. I got more mistakes than I expected. The questions I felt confident of scoring I did not score fully. The questions I felt I got it wrong.. of course I got it wrong. The irritating revelation it gave was that my foundation and aptitude for mathematics is still lacking. Like the cliche ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY. The intense mugging and practising at the eleventh hour for mathematics was useful to a certain extent but alarmingly not a effective nor sure way of improving one's mathematics. It was certainly not expedient looking at my results.
What did I get for Mathematics and Biology?
=/ well... 84% and 90.5% respectively..
I guess I can only look to the future and work harder... no choice sia.

3243

2006-10-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

Show up... and complete the task.
zzz.. got it? =]
If you do start, see it through even if the heavens fall.

--

2006-10-10T22:52:00.000+08:00

Attention... Attention...
EXAMS ARE EFFECTIVELY OVER! o.o
woohhoooooo~ (Well there's Chinese on Thursday.. but that doesn count does it? x))
haha.. so with today's horrible Math paper out of the way, we spent the rest of the morning and noon slacking off. O man it sucked.. well it rocked.. but it was so slacky it sucked. yah..
I went home and dropped dead in my bed. When i woke up again, it was already evening. *"Yawn..* No appetite.. which has been usual since exam started.. I started my computer and did almost everything i can think of..
the question.. what to do tmrw?? -.- haiiii.. study chinese? biang eh..
oh.. and I have GERMAN LESSON thurs afternoon!! and I still have not touched ANY of the assignments(abt 5 pieces) she gave us. xD and getting an A1 for German is one of the goals I set for myself. =z
.Friday is Jeff Day!.

rawr

2006-10-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

rawr. >.<

234

2006-10-05T20:31:00.000+08:00

wee.. i ammmm happy. =]
hehe. i feel alot better than y'day already. Physics really is a breeze you know =p Looking at how things are going, I look suited to physics and biology! too bad no one treat it as a viable option. I really did not study too much y'day? Less than biology and physics, and yet I did pretty well today. =D maybe im just lucky.. or maybe not ;)
haha.. so after receiving a morale booster after Physics exam and knowing I have an important German O'level Oral test later at 2pm, what do I do? Play Soccer! o.O no sense right.. I don't know why also. Im nuts about soccer..
Somemore I was wearing 'bata' shoe! a big floppy white school shoe that is clumsier than a dunk! I try to control the ball with my bata hoofs but to no avail.. until i got warmed up. ;)
haha.. or we all got warmed up.. the team played better and after my opening goal, we scored a few more before being knocked out again by bingxiang i tink after a defensive mix-up from who arr.. left them with some open shots. After we won a few games again before aran knocked us out again.
played until 12.30pm.
haha.. then those assholes just ran away leaving me with the ball.. =.- is that how u treat ur star player? o.o hehe.. went back to class, turned on the aircon and stripped to cool off.
Met TK, studied, crapped, crapped, crapped... then went to O'level oral late =/ wat the hell.. and we all damn hungry. Guess the topic for my oral test? =] Essen! or in english, food.
I horrified them with my (false)confession that I ate Mac three times a week.. and told them eating unhealthy food is not a problem for me because I am young. =z
haha. that's it. then TK n I went to J8 to chi dou fu.. =x chi long john silvers.. ja.
hooray! Final milestone is Math paper next week. Before that, there is the chinese paper to take care of tmrw.
.=)

horrible

2006-10-04T12:08:00.000+08:00

ARGH!
Life is miserable..miserable...miserable.. or rather, life with exams!
I am experiencing possibly the worst exam period in my life! o.o although I am not getting the worst result around, I am getting a tough time.
Today was the a strange irony. Chemistry- supposedly the easiest subject of the sciences and a subject I score really high for all year round- buffled me! I had no answers for the last 10marks question!? wth.. and the irony? Everyone thought the test was easy! Some claiming A1 is without doubt! omg... my head hurts...
lets look to the future...
tmrw i have... well well.. physics! supposedly the hardest of the sciences.. o. n there's German O'level oral just after physics exam at MOELC?? exciiiiting... >.<
.im gg back to my books. byebye.

STRESS

2006-09-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

OH EM GEE.. damn it. show me a guy who don't hate muggin day to night, and i'll show u a guy i wana slap in the face right now..
i hate muggin! URGH. Imagine everyday coming home as soon as you can, and once u get thru the door, right after u wash up, u feel obliged to sit down at ur table and flip through your 4cm thick TEXTBOOK + just as thick FILE! wth.. and u can feel ur brain juice drying up as if some jerk is sucking your brain juice as if sucking a coconut. You even feel your head is shrinking and constricting on 'plasmolysed' brain cells! (mugged too much bio... haii) what next?? Suddenly the lines of words start to blur and little by little they start to merge together.. you strain your eyes.. you slap yourself.. and then you realize you have mugged for FOUR hours.. and you are getting a headache.. o.o
damn i hate that feeling.. and I m doing it day after day.. I even do it on e bus.. =x and yes, I get a even bigger headache muggin on the bus cause the bus will not stop bumping, turning, braking, accelerating!
worst thing is.. some kind of people likes this kinda stuff! o.o horrifying isn it? haha.. anyway, I am NOT one of those.. cant take it. you hear people studying till 2 or 3am.. wake up and start studying again.. you'll never catch me doing it.

haii.. mug mug mug..
till next week we must..
darn.. fag fag fag..
one more day n i'll rust..
.
=D masterpiece.. hahaha..

soccer

2006-09-26T21:27:00.000+08:00

wahhh! 4K imba.. or the few of us imba.. less than a week before secondary school leaving examinations and we are playing soccer till late into the evening.. o.O and thrashing other teams of course.. haha.
We played the JC teams till 11-4 la. we 11 they 4 and they are all good soccer players, including soccer team-ers. haha.. and we did all that despite B1's maluness too.. haha. imagine someone testing his own keeper before starting the match.. he runs up, everyone is expecting a thundershot.. he strikes it cleanly but the ball clears the crossbar. u can hear everyone going "aww.." and THEN.. he appears to have tripped.. he stumbles! he falls! he slides across the floor and lands awkwardly at the feet of his own keeper inside his penalty area..
upon closer inspection.. he has torn his pants..
yet he goes on and score goals after goals..
like weiming said, everytime we dominate the game then no one is there to see. chao lame... at least you know.. i noe.. u know.. then it is ok.
good luck for exams!
.

fdg

2006-09-23T00:27:00.000+08:00

one week to exams!
Recess in our class has evolved in recent months.. at the start of the year, it was more of idle chitchat, slow walks to the canteen(for the hungrier ones, a race to the canteen..) and back.. Then football fever gripped the class! or rather.. footbottle fever.. as everyone started kicking bottles(and legs..) at the back of our classroom. Technique were discussed, teams formed, and afterschool hours would be filled with a foot'bottle' league. Eventually we adopted basketball, then soccer.. until all our balls got confiscated that is.
But if you go to our class now, you'd see books! a familiar sight in all sec4 classes I guess.. books and worksheets(often photocopies from several different owner..) spread across tables. Although the soccer fanatics would still engage in some ballplay now and then, books have come to dominate our freetime o.O It is remarkable how even some of the crappiest, slackest students are now embracing studying! I guess that's what got all of us into hwachong.. we realize desperate situations and care to adopt desperate measures.. self-compiled notes, revision books, practice paper from other schools, subject revision guides.. u name it, someone will have it.
As for myself, all of my revision seems on schedule and I should be ready for next week. Or at least I think so. =z anyway, I got a toothy problem to worry about now. I studied too much! I am too smart.. that I got a wisdom tooth! o.O but it is causing some bleeding in my gums and a piece of skin/gum is loose =x I'll be going to the dentist of course.. but I probably will beg him to let him keep my wisdom tooth.. it should come in handy during exams and Os. =D Intellegence-booster= Wisdom Tooth... if i sell it, how much would u pay?

--

2006-09-16T15:59:00.000+08:00

The 8 Things I Value in People Around Me…

Honesty
Respect for others
Flexibility
IntegritY
Openness
Humility
Empathy
Non-Assuming

The 8 Characteristics I Seek in People Around Me…

Non-Judgmental
Good-Humoured
Forgiving
Self-Conscious
Confident
Talented (in any way)
Oridinophobic
Awareness

I thank all the people around me, friend or foe for they are the ones who let me understand who I am.

football

2006-09-10T10:25:00.000+08:00

Woohoo... ManU's tooooop of the league!! =D
I know usually I don't put soccer banter on my blog, cuz whatever you say, it usually come right back into your faces, but...... ManU is just irresistable right now aint they? =]
Four wins out of four and with leads on all its rivals so early in the season the pressure now is definitely on the others to catch up. I doubt they will. A shopaholic Mourinho, cheapskate Wenger, fat Benitez, fatter Jol, how to win like that? =p
and ManU is doing all this without Wayne Rooney! No wonder Fergie loaned Rossi out to Newcastle... do doubt Newcastle will finish behind ManU. which is 2nd! and Watford will escape relegation.. cuz they have a ManU keeper "that can land a ball on a six-pence" in Ben Foster! wow..
so there you go.. haha.. kkk.. =X

435

2006-09-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

SPCA.. Haemophilic Society.. Singapore Heart Foundation..
Would it surprise you if I said I want to do another service-learning project?? o.O considering how pathetic the one I did this year was... Well, u LEARN... from experience and I am all open to another project. Hopefully a long term one.. =] of course I'll need some great teammates... *wink*wink* u there! wats your name? =D

2342

2006-09-05T15:49:00.000+08:00

Darn..I nearly cried for Steve Irwin.. well.. nearly.. =z
anyway, Im feeling remorseful for a prank email i sent! I doubt any of you will try it.. (I did not send it to alot of ppl anyways) but just in case you open it, I am warning you... it is pretty scary at the end. So be careful. =x hehe..
kk.. back to mugging.

ewrwe

2006-09-05T09:43:00.000+08:00

..haii...
do you have dreams? I bet everyone do.. Some feel a dream is something special and you can see your fate through studying it, some think you can prepare yourself before you go to bed so you will control your dreams, others ignore any dream they have and just get on with their lives.
In case you have not noticed, I AM talking about the dream as in the stories you get into when you are asleep. If you are looking for an entry on ASPIRATIONS, sorry to disappoint. =]
What do you do with your dreams? Does your dream have any meaning? Some dreams are really special and we remember it for a long time, thinking there must be something to it. These dreams are the ones we'd blurt out if we ever meet a dream interpreter. They can involve us and a person we know, or just us alone. I had a pretty cool one when I was really little. It was at night and I was sort of this action hero. Guess what? in my dreams I saved my family and my friends family who were trapped... in a building burning down in flames! so much for origniality huh... hehe.
but it was really interesting..
Then there are dreams that we do not pay much attention to. Maybe we are late for school, maybe we wanted breakfast, maybe we got out of the wrong side of the bed, and we just choose to ignore them. Until something weird happens.. deja vu! You experience something in real life and you say, darn, this feels so familiar, I could have sworn I saw this before... in.. that dream! yah! Afterwhich, we go back to our normal selves and continue ignoring these dreams again.
So what should we do? be careful with our dreams and write your dreams down as soon as your awake! Better still, write them down without being awake! With it written down, you can study it better and more often than not, the dream will have some meaning. Meaning comes from the person, so we are the only one capable of interpreting our dreams. Be honest with ourselves and see if we can find similarities between our dreams and ourselves. We should.
The mind goes through, in computer terms reconfiguration and organizes all the information it receives and stored in itself. Dreams are just a manifestation of what is already in our mind.
So look closely at your dreams, if you dreamt it, perhaps you should do something about it?
haii.. but what happens if you dreamt a really bad dream about people you know? Something you do not want to see happening yet you are relunctant to try to solve it because the other party could reject you. o.o
lolz...i know.. just FORGET about it.. wait until they do something about it before me! ahaa.. typical guy response.. from a not-so-typical guy. =x dOin...

Curse of the Gekko

2006-08-31T19:49:00.000+08:00

Cursed by a Gekko...
urgh...
bad moood...
darn that gekko...
its whipy tail..
its bloodied body...
my horrendous mood swing...
urgh.. n i screwed my prelims and ..
haiix.
darn that gekko.

675

2006-08-29T00:28:00.000+08:00

Got a telling off today.. I thiiiink i deserve it too. o.o k i deserve it.
People always make thoughtless remarks which they feel is funny but it is actually not? Especially about people they do not know. They say it all the time, to friends, buddies, just to draw a laugh or two. Little do they know that words will go around and the butt of your jokes will be hurt. People will know and just as thoughtless as you made your remark, they will form an impression of you, a lasting one that will take you ages to change. It probably it isn't their fault; first impression counts. It probably is not fair on you too; u know, it was.. a joke? Unfortunately, what is a joke to some, is hurtful to others and we should all watch our behviour and words. Words hurt and we don't want to hurt anyone, especially people we care about, do we? =] I ammmm sorry!

345

2006-08-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

haha.. eh.. anyone went for the event that was the epitome of BSP journey (quote emb messag) ? oh.. i see one hand.. and.. no more. =p
hahaha.. i was watching tv and suddenly it jolted into my mind that gewei told me about some bsp event while we were in the classroom ponning flag-raising.. something like saturday night? well.. not my fault? I was only told once! which since we are students.. means nto being told at all!? =/ afterall we're used to nagging... nagging and more nagging..
so that's that.. someone who went fill me in on it? =]
haha.. btw did I tell you i feel really good after my one week charisma enhancement course+soccer playing?
scoring so many goals together with learning how to change your life is really cool.. yupz. =>

3423

2006-08-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

I believe it; and I will be it.