::yep second post of e day.
went to the library today.. many days have past since I last went to the library and I managed the resolve to go today because... to be honest.. i didn't have much else to do.
not exactly..
actually i did some reading and analyzing of my future.. which is like my fav past time when excessive time present itself.. and came up with some topics i have to learn... and consequently some books from the library that I must borrow..
one of the topic i came across was on quantum computing and how that can exponentially increase our computing power beyond our present imagination and how that will solve presently unsolvable problems. this computational power present us with the opportunity to cut down bigger problems down to our size... to understand.. to gain insight into the unknown.
one man once said we live today in the information overload age... an age when info is abundant while knowledge and understanding remain scarce... the key to our progress and survival lie in our ability to create the right knowledge before our time is up.. a perpetual problem-solving journey that is life..
I wondered into three second hand bookstores and glanced through their offerings.. anyone who's tried looking for anything in any second hand bookstores will know how confusing it can get... books everywhere... stacked into every inch of space. no electronic catalogue.. just your eyes and your perceptive senses against all the books...
eventually i went to the library and found the books I was looking for... those were really awesome books and I cant believe I found them so easily.. just sitting there as if no one else was the least interested in them.. why didn't anyone else seen their value? will they care? it was then I realized that the masses indeed will remain ignorant.. most can be educated but they will not be curious.. they can be disciplined but will not be inspiring.. the few that are curious, inspiring, courageous, and understanding are destined to be in rare company. few will share their passion.. and theirs is a life of bouts of doubt and anguish in between rare peaks of high achievement and satisfaction.::

.:firestarter blogged on 12:01 AM:.
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::i'm back..
i need to write and express myself.
right now I feel as if no one around me will listen and understand what I want to say... much less understand who I am... that's why I need to blog, to write, to communicate to an imaginary audience that cares and understands.
not people who are too busy.. or only pretends to care...
i don't really need anyone to see this.. that's one of the reason I blogged here.. instead of maybe at livejournal.
I don't care. it's just me. I'm not normal. That you'll see.

I've been in the army... actually in OCS, alpha... we wake at 5 and sleep at 10.. that's an ordinary day... a good ordinary day...
some days we go on missions... we wake earlier and sleep later... we don battle gear and load our weapons... we get verbal abuse and physical exhaustion.. though we despair we never quit... we languish but never surrender.. we hang on until the day is done.. we stay as alpha warriors, officers-to-be..
then a day will come...when it comes to an end... and this day did come.. and it was time to leave.. not for a destination I had foreseen.. brunei, kranji, logistics, awaits... I was lost and confused.. acted and regretted... worldly thoughts in my head..
in brunei soldiers i led.. as one we sweat and bled.. it was our time to be man.. it was our glory.. our fun.. our time without regret.
back in singapore.. i came home alone.. faced up to reality.. and contemplated my life's goal.. my life has no brevity.. it does have soul.. i can fall and get back up... but there will be no let up.. my wishful thoughts are just that.. I'm not normal and that is that.. men play a fool while I march on.. faith in the future allows life to go on..::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:02 PM:.
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::woohoo... went to Phuture today.. haha k i admit it.. it was my first time at a club.. =p though i hope no one could tell..

just had to write e experience down somewhere... haha.. it wasn't fantastic all e way but after a relatively bad start it got better.
we went in as a bunch of 6 guys haha.. not the coolest crowd around but ya.. we managed.. haha.. just drank at e start.. waiting for ppl to get high.. then we started to move around!

gosh we almost got squeezed into pulp as we tried to navigate e dance floor... e music wasn't bad.. e girls were hot... but damn getting grinded by guys while trying to squeeze past them on e dance floor just wasn't going to cut it.
we soon went to zouk to check out e mambo music. haha.. it was... wat we call the kiddy section.. =p sign languages and disco type of lighting just wasn't very appealing... esp to yanming my man. haha he was bored to DEATH w a capital D! i tot it was fun though... and a lot of e other guys thought it was fun too.

but what to do... we went back to phuture in e end and danced e night away.. didn come across too many hot girls.. girls go home early.. and those that stay usually has a boy alr.. tsk... e lesson learnt? move early move fast! if not, bring ur own girl.. haha saw this couple who couldn stop kissing on e dancefloor... wth man... thankfully they brought another fren.. who didn hv anything to do while the couple got it on.

o.. n saw quite a few familiar faces.. haha now i know what they've been busy with..::

.:firestarter blogged on 4:43 AM:.
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::Some time ago, mr.tan quoted einstein and said 'our ignorance is like the circumference of our circle of knowledge'. Our ignorance's always there, always around us.
what got me to think about that quote is this talk I sat through a few minutes ago and the effect it has had on me. It was a great talk of course. Conducted by GIC's HR director, it was highly entertaining and was of great value. I learned a lot about the workings of GIC and it opened my mind towards working for a GIC scholarship.
It wasn't the first time I looked at the scholarship of course. The first time I heard about the schoalrship was actually when my classmate shared with me his ambition. He said he was taking physics and wants to study engineering. Then he added that he wasn't going to be an engineer but rather he was going to apply for the GIC scholarship. I was quite puzzled then, since I had no idea what GIC was. Subsequent contacts had been indirect primarily because I've never considered finance or economics as a viable career for me.
The talk turned my head. I'm looking forward to the GIC scholarship now. It fits rather well with my philosophy of a good career. Its emphasis on social skills, analytical skills, and integrity resonates within me and I felt my pulses jump as he emphasized those points. It was great listening to him, but I need to make sure I get what I want.
Frankly my chances of getting what I want are quite slim. It doesn't help being cursed with an over-ambitious character that seeks the most lucrative scholarships and applications. I want the best, but then again a lot of people share this desire. What distinguishes me is who I am, and I guess that's also the only thing that gives me hope for the GIC scholarship. Truth is, I'm not that confident of my analytical abilities and I'm not great at social skills. Hopefully someone sees something in me. haha.
anyway, I confess that most my posts are exaggerated with limited correspondence to reality. haha. I'm just having fun writing this post. I also came across some other blogs.. and it sort of dawned on me how many people I'm competing with. Outside of hwachong thousands of JC students are applying for scholarships and there are at least a hundred non-hwachong students are top-notch. What makes me think I stand a chance against them? haiiiiz
I really hope I don't get stuck in a local university. No disrespect to NUS but it's just not as appealing as studying overseas.
JC is a horrid place. I should say I'm really behind in terms of preparation for my post-JC life but then to plan early would go against my values of having fun while you can. haha. anyway frisbee training tomorrow.. =s I feel so inadequate in terms of post-JC planning.. but yet so helpless about improving my chances. to heck with it... shall just cope with whatever comes my way. It's really out of my hands by the way.. whatever I've planned is already keeping me busy until at least july. by then it'd be a few weeks before prelims.. and a few months before A levels.
What more can I do to help myself? I feel helpless.. =s haii::

.:firestarter blogged on 4:43 PM:.
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::I have stumbled on my new IS topic. haha. Even though my original topic has already been approved by the Cambridge KI committee, I'm going to twist it abit to suit this new idea.
Ideas are precisely the theme of my new IS. In my IS, I'm going to look at ideas and more specifically, this thing that we call memes. Memes are infectious ideas that hijack our brains. As described first by Richard Dawkins, and then by Daniel Dennett, memes are the ideas that survives. As a student of epistemology, I am looking at memes specifically at its relationship to science.
A generalization I'm going to propose is that all successful ideas of today are memes. The most successful of all would be scientific laws. These laws are reliable and tested. I am not disputing their usefulness, but I'm disputing their truth. An idea does not need to be true in order to be useful. A case in point is the idea that there are human rights. It is a human convention and it may not be true but it is certainly useful. And useful ideas are spread to others and soon it's ubiquous. The most successful ideas are the best memes, not truth.
Truth in fact is beyond our comprehension. Truth, as described in justified true belief, is external and a property that we can check. While it is certainly external, we have no way of checking that it is true. This is because our minds are limited and can only have subjective interactions with nature. In fact our limited brain power make us prefer simple elegant truths that fit nicely with our existing conceptions of the world. Truth is out there and any idea that comes from interaction between ourselves and the world is not truth.
We can not achieve true objectivity. Science is flawed and since the truth sets us free, we will never be free.::

.:firestarter blogged on 5:54 AM:.
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::I am always on the lookout for a challenge.
Don't get me wrong. I am not reckless. I am sensibly fearless and possesses a exotic taste for adversity. I must be careful here, for I am not an anti-conformist. I do not gain joy simply by going against mainstream opinion. Such a joy is cheap and I hold such a joy in contempt. What I am after though is the joy of fulfilling one's destiny. And it requires one to stick to one's own principles, whether they're mainstream or not.
Such a mindset has become a crucial part of my being. It is afterall simply expected of a student in one of the elite schools in his country to be confident of who he is and stands for. However I do not believe only the elites should possess this mindset. (Before we proceed any furthur, by the word 'elite' I mean top students academically.) This belief in the right to one's opinion has been much misinterpreted and misused but still in its most original sense it is a crucial part of any successful person's psyche.
The right to one's opinion neither suggests nor supports the disregard of other people's opinion. It stands for liberty and that liberty means respecting everyone's opinion- yours and others. With this in mind, I've always been happy to listen to opposing views. My conversations with friends have bordered on Catholicism, Christianity, freewill, morality, politics, and many other polarizing issues and I believe my experience has become all the richer because of discussing such issues; issues some people would rather not talk about. The key to a happy end to discussing such polarizing issues is to always put truth and reason above personal ego. It is commonplace that people attach too much emotions to their opinion and end up hurt when their opinions are attacked. A detachment of emotions in such situations often help to keep the discussion a win-win situation where everyone benefits from everyone's ideas. And I have been pretty good at detaching emotions from my beliefs. My religious belief was once Christian before converting to agnosticism and now back to a strong Christian. While I do not expect any furthur change to my religious stand, my previous experience does demonstrate my stand that beliefs can be held and sometimes changed in light of new information.
Yet holding onto your beliefs often requires great courage. Afterall people with divergent beliefs will always try to convince you that their beliefs are more reasonable or socially correct than yours. In this situations that call for great courage, my dependance on God and confidence in my own ability have served me well. Since young I've been blessed with a wilful pride that cherishes whatever opinion I have had. Never one to back down when challenged, I've gone into arguments with peers, teachers, and parents alike over issues ranging from test marks to my right to go out with friends. Yet such an attitude has not always gotten me praise. While I do get occasional praise when a teacher revise his marking scheme because of me, sometimes a tight slap across the face is all I get for arguing about my rights with my parents. Thankfully none of it has discouraged me from thinking for myself and holding on to what I deem reasonable beliefs even in unreasonable situations. While some of my beliefs, such as my agnosticism and my false pride, have since been discarded, they were only rid of after careful evaluation and pondering on my part. Now I am comfortable choosing for myself and justifying my choice in front of others. Some controversial decisions include first quitting my Track team that has been national champions for two decades and joining the soccer team that has never qualified for the finals, second dropping Biology despite studying the subject for two years in secondary school, and recently enrolling myself in 2 most challenging H3s when everyone's fighting for the easiest, shortest H3s to ensure their As. They have all been hard and risky decisions but at least I am happy that they were all thought out by me and I take full responsiblity for them.
Life's not a bed of roses. We are not here to be hedonistic and to submit ourselves to the primitive pleasures of life. I for one believe that there is a right way of doing things. Even if it manifest itself differently under different circumstances, we are not to lose hope and give in to anarchy. What meaning is a life spent chasing fame and fortune? Why be a President and yet have no love for one's people? Life may be tedious and full of sinful distractions, but a firm sense of self worth and the right values will serve anyone well in their journey through life. Everyone has their place and their own version of success. Nobody needs to be a celebrity, a businessman or a somebody. But everyone needs to know life is hard and cowardice will not get anyone anywhere. At least this is what this 18 year old believes.::

.:firestarter blogged on 1:25 PM:.
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::Now is like the dawn of an important war.. the air is thick with tension and every breath is laboured and heavy.
IT IS ONLY A WEEK TILL J2 STARTS AFTERALL! HELLOOOO??? o.O
After a whole year of relative fun and laughter, the crazy hell that is J2 is going to start in a week's time. It's often the defining year of any JC students' career. It is the year many have claimed to be the toughest of your academic career. It's the year where many will be putting in 110% effort to succeed and their every step will be scrutinized by their current schools, by their potential universities and basically by anyone who may find a use for a bright kid like thee. Indeed many crack under the immense pressure.
The competition at the top has never relented. Ever since there was scarcity, there was competition. The limitations that bounds men's existence will always force competitors to come to blows and the finite priviliges shared by the victors. In J2 where the many assessors will finally pass their judgement, the pressure inevitably peaks. If anybody is to be somebody, they will have to work hard and work now.
True enough, people have been working. A few blog entries I came across belied the competition that lies ahead. The amazing maturity of thought and impressive workrate have opened my eyes and raised the bar yet again. I have encountered people that have similar goals and development processes to mine and are apparently even furthur in their development than me. It's like meeting your long lost twin and realizing he's better than you are in every single aspect of your being. Your sense of self-identity would have simply been shattered. Meaningless, meaningless, what is this sadistic pursuit of success but a chasing of the wind?::

.:firestarter blogged on 10:50 PM:.
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